Trump's Taxes Reveal He Claimed Ted Cruz as Dependent

[Major Nikon]

Not the Onion!

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—In the first major bombshell to emerge from the handover of Donald J. Trump’s tax returns, the Manhattan district attorney has announced that the former President claimed Senator Ted Cruz as a dependent.

Speaking to reporters, Cyrus Vance, Jr., said that listing the Texas senator as a dependent was “highly unorthodox, to say the least.”

“For this deduction to be allowed, we would certainly need some documentation proving that Mr. Trump had adopted Mr. Cruz, or something to that effect,” Vance added.

From his home in Palm Beach, Trump issued a terse rebuttal to Vance’s statement. “Ted Cruz is my little baby, and everyone knows it,” Trump said.

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/trumps-taxes-reveal-he-claimed-ted-cruz-as-dependent

[jmbar2]

1. What about baby Lindsay

Hasn't the adoption gone thru yet?

[WVreaper]

2. Twins

[DBoon]

3. You can only count humans as dependents

dogs don't count

[Major Nikon]

5. Now you tell me

[DBoon]

6. Your dog accepts some useless piece of metal?

Damn, my dog insists on meat

[brewens]

4. I hate to admit that today, I'd like to see some tweets from the former guy. It might be worth

letting him back on just for today.

[PJMcK]

9. No, no and no

It's been cathartic not hearing Trump's childish whining.

I love that he's seething and can't vent to his public. I love it.

But I don't want to hear or see it.

[rurallib]

7. Adopted? Cruz is attached lips to ass

That has to be some kind of dependency

[Ka-Dinh Oy]

8. Awww, donny and vladi had a baby.