consoling words to send to funeral you can't attend

[CTyankee]

I need your help.

My first husband and father of my 3 children passed away in his sleep a week or so ago. I am not planning on attending a "celebration of a life" my daughter is now planning. I saw him in the hospital a few days before he died. He was 88 and passed away in his sleep a few days later. Our daughter won't be happy if I don't attend and I want to soften that blow to her.

What I would like to do is send a message to be read at the gathering. He was not religious, altho his widow is Jewish. I am not, but I am not Christian either, I am agnostic.

I thought about Frost's "The Road Not Taken" but thought it might be overdone. But I like it because it has no religious overtones.

Any suggestions? i need a little help here. Cole Porter lyrics might be appropriate...

[SheltieLover]

1. Can you focus on his role as a dad & how wonderful your daughter is?

Not sure, obviously, what the circumstances were...

But he fathered her, so maybe focus on that aspect & how grateful you are to have your daughter in your life.

Could provide some comfort to your daughter as well.

[Faux pas]

2. I think

that visiting him in the hospital says plenty, you're better woman than I am. It is your choice and your kids should be able to understand that. I'm not much help, sorry and good luck.

[tblue37]

3. This poem would need to be modified to "He Is Gone," but it is lovely:

She Is Gone (He Is Gone)
#
You can shed tears that she is gone
Or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all that she has left.
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her
Or you can be full of the love that you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she is gone
Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what she would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

David Harkins

[Fla Dem]

4. Other than your daughter, who else would expect you to be there?

Unless you were close to his family after the divorce, I see no reason to attend. You said your good byes at the hospital. The funeral is simply ceremonial. You didn't mention the reason your daughter wants you to attend. Is it for emotional support, or she just thinks you should be there? If there is a wake, by all means attend that if you can.
But otherwise, .

[CTyankee]

5. Well, I really can't. My now husband has disabilities and needs me.

I'm now trying to find lyrics to Cole Porter songs that my ex liked, but nothing seems to fit.