Am I the only one who doesn't enjoy weddings?

[zanana1]

I have a wedding to go to today. I'll start with the church service. It's an hour-long Catholic mass in a small church without air conditioning. (I start sweating if it's over 70 degrees). The wedding is at 2:00 and the reception is at 6:00. That's right, there are three hours of nothingness between the two. (Maybe they'll be busy taking pictures).
I'm disabled so I can't dance and I have a huge scar on my face from a recent surgery. I'm afraid I'll make small children cry.
Believe it or not, I love the couple getting married. I just wish they hadn't missed out on the opportunity to elope. There are very few people on the groom's side of the family. It would be very noticeable if I didn't go.
Please tell me someone else hates weddings!

[PortTack]

1. No

[Butterflylady]

2. I don't exactly hate them

Just a waste of money. A wedding now a days cost what one might put as a down payment of a home. It's a fact that 50% of marriages wind up in divorce, sad but true.

[zipplewrath]

44. Not EXACTLY true

Basically 50% of all marriages end in divorce. But that is because so many people have multiple marriages. Apparently 60% of all first marriages survive.

[blm]

3. Me

[samnsara]

4. go for the free cake then leave

..its FREE CAKE!

[Scrivener7]

12. I'd rather buy the cake and pass on the three hours of small talk with

Uncle Herbert from upstate.

In the old days Uncle Herbert would have been trying to grope me under the table. I am glad, at least, those days are over!

[calimary]

52. Yikes!

[Scrivener7]

54. There's an Uncle Herbert in every crowd. He's a composite character.

[Walleye]

5. In November my nephew is getting married in Alabama.I'm not going

It’s very formal, I really don’t know his fiancé very well, although I’ve met her and she seems very nice. I hate weddings in general. I never dress up. Delta variant. But I love my nephew, I’m sure nobody will really notice I’m not there, both my brothers are going, airline passenger rage has me freaked out. So many excuses for not going to this wedding.Also it’s in Alabama, lowest vaccination rate in the country. I feel for you. Enjoy it as best you can

[Haggard Celine]

6. You're not the only one.

I've never liked weddings and I especially don't like churches that aren't air conditioned. You're a good relative for showing up at this wedding, especially considering your health issues. If it were me, I would make my appearance for the ceremony and skip the reception. 3 hours is too long to wait around for all that.

[Rebl2]

31. That's

what I would do.

[Biophilic]

7. I'm a died in the wool romantic and I think weddings are for the birds.

I always have thought so even when I was younger. Partially the complete waste of money when people could use it to give them a good start on a house or business. Instead it is thrown away on one day of partying. Over the last 10 or more years weddings have become utterly ridiculous as far as what's expected of guests. So, no, you aren't alone. I don't even think the free cake is worth it.

[mopinko]

8. my sister was a wedding photog for years. i have no idea how she did it.

she loved the rly lovely ones, tho. sometimes she'd even get a little teary.
but she shot one where the bride cried for an hour in the dressing room, but did it anyway. she could see what a jerk the guy was.
having been married twice, i'm so skeptical of the whole thing.

and the sweat thing- we had a running joke that we were gonna invent a 'sweat filter' to take that shine off wedding pics on hot days. you wont be alone.

[Siwsan]

9. Not at all a fan of 'formal' weddings but I do love a good informal ceremony.

My niece got married in a park, right on the water, with her aunt officiating. That was her late mother's wish.

The reception was at a local community center. Friends did the decorating, the food was catered by a local Cuban restaurant - really a more of a street food feast. Paper plates and plastic glasses. No cake - they opted for a variety of fruit pies. There was beer, sparkling and regular wine from Trader Joes. A friend served as disc jockey. The next day we went back and did the clean up and donated any left over food to a guy who took it to a local homeless encampment.

All in all it was just a great party and I gained a wonderful nephew.

[zanana1]

10. Now that wedding I would hate less.

[Unwind Your Mind]

11. That sounds wonderful

I like weddings because music and dancing but the schedule described by zanana sounds terrible.

I hope it’s close to home so she can rest in between 🥰

[zanana1]

18. The wedding is about 100 miles away.

[hunter]

13. The first picture of me and my wife together was taken at a wedding...

... total coincidence. Someone snapped a Polaroid and handed it to me. Maybe a time traveler.

I was being my usual autistic spectrum self wandering around wondering how I happened to be there and why it was so noisy. Then there was this awesome woman talking about science stuff.

Our first cute meet and subsequent first date happened a few months later.

I love weddings.

[zanana1]

15. I'm happy for you.

[Hoyt]

14. I too start sweating at around 70 degrees. Hate weddings, lines, crowds, etc., except in winter.

[zanana1]

16. Have you ever found out why you sweat so much?

I'd love to know.

[Hoyt]

23. No. But I always have. There is a disease called Hyperhidrosis and some treatments including

topical antiperspirants, medication, Botox, and even severing of sympathetic nerves.

But I just muddle through and try to avoid situations where I get a little anxious like crowds, which really makes it worse.

One stupid doctor told me that sweating is good, so just embrace it.

[Sherman A1]

17. In High School and College

I worked at the church hall for our parish and helped with the receptions, setting up, tearing down, pouring soda, beer and whatever was needed. I learned to get really tired of weddings, really fast as it was the same old scripted BS every one. Cake, Mediocre Band, Flowers, Lousy Caterer, drunk obnoxious cousin of the Bride (or Groom), "Charming" Mother of the Bride, Photographer that was often a pain in the backside.

A few were entertaining when we had a cake that looked like the Leaning Tower of Pisa and had to shore it up with a zillion toothpicks on one side. Another the band didn't show up and everyone just had to talk entertaining themselves. A crap game in the men's room at one wedding that we had to break up a couple of times. Caterer that didn't show up. A storm that took out the power to a nearby apartment with the folks there evacuated into the middle of the reception. Folks that wouldn't leave and were being "charming" in the process well after the rental time had expired so we pulled the tables and chairs out from all around them and as they stood up for a trip to the restroom their chairs were pulled as well.

I hate weddings.

[CousinIT]

19. I absolutely despise them and the symbolism

They reek of domestic slavery and gussied-up business arrangements. They are a societally, legally and economically sanctioned and preferred social construct presented as a holy union.

I much prefer the courthouse - because it's above all a legal construct after all. Common sense would suggest that you be in love with the person you enter into this contract with and that you feel you can trust them through the trials and tribulations of Life. That's all well and good. The rest of the pretentious stuff: Nope.

Hideous waste of money too.

[Chainfire]

20. I only go in cases where it would be socially unacceptable to blow it off.

For me, that means only close family. I even encouraged my kids to elope.

[North Shore Chicago]

21. No

"Do you take (insert name) to be your lawfully future ex-husband (ex-wife?"

I know, I know skeptic here.

[TreasonousBastard]

22. I hate them. But, I think deep down so does everyone else...

I'm always waiting for the fight to start. Amazing how often two uncles hate each other.

[viva la]

24. Except for family weddings-- I opt out.

I figure that is another little gift, that the couple don't have to pay $75 to feed the daughter of the groom's parents' attorney that they've never met, LOL.

[rampartc]

25. enjoy while you can

soon enough you'll be attending more funerals.

[nocoincidences]

27. I hate them, too.

Ceremonies and rituals feel strange to me. Unnatural play-acting.

[rickford66]

26. Half the weddings I've ever attended, ended in divorce.

My own lasted 46 years until my wife passed on. We got married in a neighborhood church whose religion, neither of us belonged to, with 5 people including the minister. Party at my parent's home with mostly aunts and uncles. My wife was British/New Zealand so none of her family. Next day back to college to finish up on the GI bill. My wife and I could never remember our wedding date, because that didn't seem important. Our first meeting was the game changer.

[LakeArenal]

28. No blanket response. Depends on whose wedding.

Where it is and what it involves.

Like anyone that has a small tight wedding. Outdoors or at the bowling alley.
No $60 a person dinner. Ham sandwich buffet, open bar for at least an hour, and a really good live band.

[dreamland]

29. Weddings are just for show. No one needs them.

It's expensive. It's one big party with invitees whom you may have or not met in your life. It's not even considered necessary for marriage. It's a religious ornament that few people can afford these days. The only thing that counts is the paper you signed at the courthouse. Go, don't go, sending the couple a wedding gift with a heartfelt note is acknowledgement enough for the couple with too many things to worry about at the start of their lives together.

[rickyhall]

30. The Justice of the Peace is totally under appreciated.

[csziggy]

70. Here in Florida, it only takes a notary public!

Which is who married my husband and me. No ceremony, he just completed his part and affixed the seal.

Now, Florida pretty much tells notaries public they have to do a ceremony. Even if I were do marry again, I would refuse a ceremony. Besides, who would know, other than the notary and us?

Q: When “solemnizing the rites of matrimony,” is it acceptable for the Notary Public to complete the marriage certificate without actually performing a marriage ceremony?

A: No. Completing the marriage certificate portion of the Marriage Record is not the same act as performing the marriage ceremony.Actually, the certificate is your way of certifying that you solemnized the marriage. You should not falsely certify that a ceremony was performed when, in fact, one was not.The ceremony does not have to be in any particular form. Any form of ceremony to solemnize a marriage that the parties choose ordinarily suffices,as long as both parties agree to the marriage and make a legally binding commitment to each other. A marriage ceremony is usually performed for the sake of notoriety and certainty and must be conducted by a person authorized by law to perform the ceremony.

https://www.flgov.com/wp-content/uploads/notary/wedding_handbook.pdf

Apparently the law changed in 1988 and amended in 1992 to require this. I find this offensive!

[jmowreader]

74. Hopefully they know a "ceremony" can be about a minute long

"Do you, Joe, take Jane to be your lawfully wedded wife?" I do,
"Do you, Jane, take Joe to be your lawfully wedded husband?" I do.
"By the power vested in me by Florida Man DeSantis, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Kiss and go home."

[csziggy]

77. Their "Sample ceremony" is a lot longer than that

Our situation was shorter than that. The notary asked us "Are you sure?" We both said "Yes" and he said "OK" and did his thing. It has stuck for 44 years so I guess it worked.

The version in the Florida wedding handbook suggested for notaries is pretty much the standard old fashioned wedding ceremony. If I'd wanted that, I would have gone for the full deal. I didn't want any of that crap and would have resisted if a notary tried to insist it was needed.

My now husband and I had already made a commitment to each other - we just needed to make a legal one for various legal and financial reasons. So all we needed was that license signed and notarized. Period.

Oh, and out of the dozen or so people that notary married, we are the only ones that had it stick. The rest had actual weddings with ceremonies and stuff. Somehow that didn't help the couples stay together.

[moreland01]

32. I LOVE weddings.

But I'll use any and every excuse to get out of a funeral.

But it sounds like you are very justified in not going to the funeral. Why are you pressuring yourself to go?

[Pepsidog]

33. $500 gifts for your friends kids is getting old. Nice weddings so can't cheap out.

[Alice Kramden]

34. If I were you I'd skip the reception

Too much time in between!

[zanana1]

72. The wedding ceremony was one and half hours long.

I regretted not bringing a book.

[Gilbert Moore]

35. Like Going to Weddings ?

Someone elses or my own ?

[Traildogbob]

36. Put me in the hate em column.

But if that’s what they want, go for it. I hate being in the “church.” God made Vegas for a reason, drive through weddings. I feel like a black man at a KKKlan rally in a church. At my age you learn where not to be and stay away. So far, my 31 year old daughter has no desire to marry. Good by me, but do wish she had a boyfriend that will do home repairs. And take her trash to the trash centers. That damn cat litter bag is heavy.

[steve2470]

37. The only reason I like them, is because most seem to have fun

"Seem" is the operative word. I don't ask for their real feelings.

In my private moments, I always wonder how long the marriage will last and will they be happy. Of course, I wish them well, but I am a bit cynical about marriage at this point.

[Faygo Kid]

38. I went to weddings 50 years ago. Now, it's funerals.

All in all, I will take the weddings. Even if I have to listen to Proud Mary by a terrible band one more time.

[Jon King]

39. Loved them when young, hate them when older...

When we were young it was always a blast. A young friend gets married, served as a groomsman, always met a pretty girl and had an amazing time. Something about those awful tuxs that worked magic.

But now hate them with a passion, not much in it for us besides the cake.

[yonder]

49. Ditto

[elleng]

40. No, and sad to say I didn't enjoy my daughters' weddings,

but I'm just not a 'party' person.

[WinstonSmith4740]

41. Can't say I hate them.

I just wish they hadn't missed out on the opportunity to elope.

But my husband and I did "elope". Well, as much as you can when you've been out of the house and on your own for 5 years. But I come from an Italian family, and in those days, if it wasn't a big wedding, you eloped...but I digress. At any rate, on my younger sister's wedding day a couple of years later, I kept seeing one of my parents say something to him, and then him cracking up. He told me later that they kept asking him if they had thanked him for the two of us just running off and getting married.

[Marthe48]

42. I go to the wedding ceremony

But I skip the reception, unless it is very close family. I used to dislike the ceremonies and rites we share in our society, but as I sat bored at a reception many years ago, I got an insight of how the ceremonies link us. I have been to 5 or 6 weddings since 2000, and except for 2, left after the ceremony.

I hope you can go and enjoy yourself

[Mickju]

43. I hate weddings.

Just elope.

[Hamlette]

45. I would rather go to a funeral, then you don't have to pretend to be having a good time.

I hate weddings for all the reasons you mentioned. When we were young and it was our weddings, we had more fun. Of course, we were on recreational drugs so that helped.

[zanana1]

75. Best response ever!

[Ocelot II]

46. I haven't been to one in several years,

since my youngest niece got married. That was a small, pleasant, non-church affair, just family and some close friends, so it wasn't too awful, but generally speaking I don't like them. Too many have involved tedious or pretentious ceremonies (not all of the dumb services were in churches), bad music, a lot of standing around having to talk to people you don't know, screaming babies and bratty children, and drunken relatives.

These days it's mostly funerals, which I like even less.

[DemUnleashed]

47. Only if...

The only kind of wedding I would enjoy is the type that Siswan described. And assuming there was dancing during the reception, that would be my ideal kind of wedding and reception to attend!

Now only if I could convince my children to get married that way whenever that day were to come!

[tavernier]

48. My grandson's wedding was on New Year's Eve right before Covid hit.

The bride’s family spent close to $300,000 on the wedding, but to be fair, they could afford it very well. I guess I should say that it was ostentatious and decadent, but it was actually just too pretty for words. They still had the huge Christmas tree at the venue and we could see snow falling outside of the wall-to-wall picture windows of the in Enormous hall. It was breathtakingly beautiful. And then it morphed into a New Year’s Eve blast. And these kids are the nicest people you’d ever want to meet.So I can say I had a wonderful time before we all went into that bleak year of isolation.

[DownriverDem]

50. Was to be in Italy

We didn't want to go and when covid hit they had to cancel it. They have lived together for a ton of years & we wish they would elope. Then there's the problem with the ex wife. My husband hates her and doesn't even want to be in the same room with her. His son just doesn't seem to get it. Now we have no idea what they are going to do.

[twodogsbarking]

51. Agree? You have given me the jitters just hearing about it.

And that's the truth.

[Warpy]

53. Best wedding I ever knew

was the ceremony for the immediate family only plus the guy who mumbled the magic words, bride and groom departing immediately for the honeymoon. The reception was month later in a rented hall, covered dish supper. A great time was had by all.

I'm lucky to have a painful, incurable, and debilitating illness. I can send regrets and a prezzie with a clear conscience and I do.

I loathe weddings, especially the choreographed ones with the wedding planner having hysterics in the corner because some assholian "tradition" wasn't observed correctly. I especially hate the bit where they smash cake into each other's faces and think they invented it.

[YoshidaYui]

55. I don't do weddings

Everyone I’ve been to has been jinxed, it’s probably me so I don’t go and I hate them anyway

[joanbarnes]

57. loved them as a child, danced and drank pop all nigh.....until I witnessed a brawl,

wife beating drunk husband over the head with handbag 'til he bled. Hate alcoholics!

[BlueJac]

58. No

[appleannie1]

59. I have 3 acres and a large pond. I let a couple marry in my yard last year by the pond.

They set up tables in the yard for the reception and rented a job johnnie for the guests. I watched from my deck. Simple, safe during covid and grateful they could safely get married. It was really quite beautiful, under a trellis by the water shaded by two large trees. I have no idea why people think they have to spend thousands of dollars for a hot, sweaty event just to get married.

[AndyS]

60. As a photographer

I'd rather shoot crime scenes . . .

[3catwoman3]

76. This is the best response...

…in the whole thread!

[arlyellowdog]

61. This post could be I believably mean

If it got back to the couple being married.

[3Hotdogs]

62. I'd rather organize my sock drawer. I am a good amateur photographer.

Waitress in the local diner was getting married. Could I do her photographs?

No, Im not a professional photographer. Please? No, tooo much pressure if I screw it up.

Finally, I agree for $50 to pay for memory card and one or two prints. She pays for any other prints.



In end up with her and two b-maids in the car. She is companioning that her brother may not be sober enuf to attend. After all, she has been off heroin for 4 years. Why can't he not drink for one day.


Wedding went off wonderfully. Photos turned out great.

All in all, I'm glad I did it for her.

BUT

I hate weddings, funerals and REVEAL PARTIES - though I've never attended one of those.

[Dustlawyer]

63. I hated weddings and I was a part of the industry.

I had my own DJ business from middle school through law school. Weddings were always the hardest gig to play. Early on keep the volume low, easy listening music and more older music. As the reception kicks off get a little louder and mix in some dance music to test the crowd, then jam the rest of the night. Sounds simple but the younger people complain early and the older people complain later. Music too loud too soft. Music too new/old. Had to sit through some of the wedding ceremonies as the reception started right after. People watching was the only entertainment. Saw family battles, fights, you name it.

Weddings seem to be stressful for almost everyone involved.

[sammythecat]

64. Tedious and exhausting waste

of time and money. It's an industry. Not my thing at all.

[DFW]

65. I must admit, I enjoyed the two that really mattered to me.

First, our own, a double wedding with my brother and his fiancée in 1982. It looked like a mixture of a family reunion and the General Assembly of the United Nations. We held it on neutral ground (Washington, DC). My wife and her folks came from Germany, and we also had friends come over from Belgium, Denmark and Holland. My brother's wife and her family came from Japan, plus there were their friends from Surinam and several countries in Asia (my sister in law by then had a job with the World Bank in Washington). Needless to say, there were a lot of funny scenes with the parents that involved a lot of gesturing. Among the Japanese, Germans, and our parents, no one understood the other's language.

At the reception/dinner, we kicked the band off the stage for a while, and my brother, a fiddler friend from the Netherlands, and I took over the music program for a while. I met up with U.S. family I hadn't seen for years, and even my grandfather came down from New York. He was a healthy 88, and seemed to have a good time as well. There was no trace whatsoever of old World War II (or World War I--Grandpa was a vet) animosities on any side.


It even gave my sister-in-law a chance to dress in up in traditional garb, something she doesn't get to do often in the Washington area:


Later on, it made for an atypical set of cousins, but variety is the spice of life:


And then, 37 years later, there was the wedding of our elder daughter. First the civil ceremony in New York, which only a few friends and family could make:


And, finally, a month later, again more like a meeting of the UN General assembly, with friends from the USA, Europe and Australia assembled at a castle/vineyard in the German Rheinland--costing about a fifth of what I imagined the bill would be (you could not get a broom closet in Manhattan for this price), organized by our German-based daughter, who, ironically enough, does not believe in marriage, and is perfectly happy with her man, raising their two daughters without the paperwork.




I figure, hey, if it creates a lasting memory (and they both did), doesn't bankrupt anybody (neither occasion did), and everyone is still happy they did it, hey, why the hell not?

[ms liberty]

66. I love wedding dresses, but I can get my fill of that watching Say Yes to the Dress

Weddings are not my favorite event to attend. It is different if it's your own or someone you're really close to.

[GoneOffShore]

67. You have to train for weddings! And you'd really hate weddings here in France.

Eleven am - Civil ceremony (absolutely required before the church) at the city hall. One hour.
Then the church ceremony at 2P - another hour, plus the pictures and local folk dancing troupe escorting the happy couple to their car.
Cocktails and finger food at a venue 15 miles from the church - actually 15 miles from anything because it's out in the vineyards somewhere. Supposed to start at 5P, but the cocktails don't get poured until ALL the guests arrive, so everyone is standing around until at least 6 before there's food or drink. More pictures, more folk dancing(maybe), bises, introductions, handshakes all round. Small appetizers and finally a glass or two of wine.
8P - finding your seat in the tent/dining room. Introductions, small talk, glasses of Champagne(well, you hope it's Champagne and not some cheap bubbly that Uncle Jean-Claude whips up and will give you a hangover that's worthy of Cthulu), and a toast. Time to eat?
Yes and yay!
First course and glasses of white wine (rosé in Provence). Time 8:45. Dancing
Second course and more wine. Time 10:00 More dancing
Third course, red wine and more dancing Time 11:30
Dessert, cordials, more fecking dancing and speeches. Time 12:30
Coffee, dancing, little candies and cakes, drunken speeches - Time 2A
Orange juice and watching the DJ pack up. And a wander down to the swimming pool.
Home at 4:30A
Sleep maybe till 11A because you're invited to a barbecue that starts at 2P.

[Laffy Kat]

68. Nope.

If I attend at all it's only for the cake.

[csziggy]

69. I hate weddings so much I refused to have one

My husband and I got our license, then a few days later we went to a friend's house, woke him up, tossed him his jeans he'd left in the living room, and he notarized the license. His girlfriend was a witness, then we hunted down some random person for the other witness.

The friend was a pizza cook and notary public so it was all legal. Unfortunately, word got around and our friends threw us a party that night, something I really wanted to avoid. Later to assuage my mother, I let her put on a reception at her church.

I'd been through two weddings with my older sisters, in which I had to be a bridesmaid - and that they did not get what they wanted. I just decided I wasn't going to let my parents put me through all that.

I've only been to a few other weddings and pretty much hate it every time. The last wedding in the family I refused to go. Aside from it being during the Covid stuff, they didn't even put my name on the invitation. It was written as Mr & Mrs. CSZiggyhusband's name, which I have NEVER used. I never told my husband but that was part of the reason I didn't want to go.

[Earth-shine]

71. Weddings, bar mitvahs, funerals -- anything with a ceremony.

So to speak, I don't like to stand on ceremony.

The after-event parties can be fun. Even after-funeral get-togethers can be good.

[pacheen]

73. Could u just not go to the mass?

Just show up at the reception? We’ve done this a lot.

[NNadir]

78. I was "best man" at two weddings.

When my time came, I eloped and got married on a ski trip to Lake Tahoe.

On occasion my wife has suggested she would have liked "something."

Over the last 36 years, our relationship and marriage remain strong despite this minor complaint.

By contrast I'm aware of a fair number of big production weddings that led to failed marriages.

I tell my wife, better a crappy wedding leading to a good marriage than the other way around.

[Iggo]

79. God, no! Please don't invite me!

[tblue37]

80. I don't like them at all.