What to do about a friend in need?

[vercetti2021]

So my friend who I've met a few years ago, lately she has become very erratic. She suffers from BPD and lately it seems it's getting worse. Like I have no idea if she stopped taking her meds, but in terms of everything. She has been calling me almost everyday threatening with suicide almost every time she calls me now. But thing is, I don't think she is actually going to go through with it. I think it's her BPD doing that because one second she'll be sporadic to just normal one second later.

I feel like a bad friend for saying this. But this is really taking a toll on my mental health as well. I've been dealing with my depression for many many years and lately this has been adding onto it. Like I dread hearing my ringtone now because I know if I don't pick up, she could very well do something extreme and end up killing herself. It's a huge mental toll and I have no idea what to do. Also she seems to be very petty if someone distances themselves from her and will play extreme mental games with them.

I have no idea what I can do at this point.

[peacefreak2.0]

1. Remember the instructions when you're on a plane?

Put YOUR oxygen mask on first. Have you asked her about her meds? At this point it is important to be direct. If you truly think she’s in danger, make a call for a wellness check. She might be pissed at you for doing so, but she’s been calling you in distress.
Please don’t feel bad for putting yourself first.

[vercetti2021]

2. I get that

I've asked her to please start taking her meds again. Her husband as been threatening her with divorce and It's making it worse. What makes me upset the most is that she told me she was self mutilating the other night while I was on the phone with her. She was cutting herself and that alone triggered me because I use to do that in the past.

[WA-03 Democrat]

3. You have to help your self first

If someone is drowning, they try pulling the rescuer under just because they are so frantic. Obviously they have been pushed away and has a clear behavioral pattern of then become vengeful. It seems like an asymmetrical relationship which are designed to fail. Too much weight is on one side and it tips over. I would focus on your self right now. Self caring and positive vibes to you!

[vercetti2021]

5. True

So far I'm having to keep one hand on the life preserver and one on her. But I feel I'm at my tipping point. Like she is very extreme in this regard and I don't wanna drown either. I hate it, but I can't harm my own mental health either.

[Marthe48]

4. You have supported her

Maybe it's time for her to talk to a professional. It sounds like she is very stressed, and except for listening, you aren't in a position to do more.

Here is a link to the National Suicide Prevention line: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

I wish you good luck. You are a good friend to have

[abqtommy]

6. Are you talking about BiPolar or Borderline Personality? What you describe

could be either but there is a difference. DO offer to take your friend to see their
medical/mental health providers. DO express your concern for their well-being.

But it's impossible to help a manipulative person who doesn't want help. I'm dealing
with a family member who fits this description right now and there are things that can
be done. A wellness check can be productive. If you know their providers you can contact them. But none of those things will likely be greeted with approval by your
friend. That's the price we pay, damned if we do and damned if we don't.

[vercetti2021]

7. I'm sorry to hear that

Physically I can't be there, over the phone is the only method and its taking a toll now. She called me about an hour ago saying she is going to the ER because she ended up self harming herself and she did it too deep now. I can't mentally handle this because she wanted to send my photos of it. Like why the hell would I wanna see that for? Knowing she knows I have my own PTSD from my own self harm in my past. It was hugely disrespectful and I'm so close to ending our friendship over it.

[abqtommy]

8. You've done the best you can and that's all anyone can expect. If she's gone

to the ER then that shows she can help herself and that's a plus. There's nothing at
all wrong with taking care of yourself first.