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Fri Jan 14, 2022, 11:39 AM

My brother died this morning

Last edited Fri Jan 14, 2022, 01:10 PM - Edit history (1)

My brother passed away suddenly this morning in his apartment in NJ. He was evidently having trouble breathing and 911 was called. Unfortunately they were unable to revive him. He had sleep apnea and was on a cpap machine. He was addicted to cigarette smoking.

I was notified by the police who called me from his cell phone. I knew he was in poor health, but this was still a huge shock to me. He lived more than 200 miles from me and making arrangements is going to be complicated.

He was 67 years old, 2 1/2 years younger than I am. He was a sales consultant for a moving company in NJ. He loved motorcycles and had a tremendous sense of humor. with a joke for any occasion. He spoke Estonian and German. He attended Estonian Saturday school in NJ as a child, and went to an Estonian children's summer camp in Long Island, NY.

Our parents died many years ago, and he was my only sibling. Other than my husband, kids and grandkids, our only other close relative is a cousin in Estonia and her kids. Our parents were immigrants from Estonia by way of a displaced persons refugee camp in Germany. He had a difficult life in many ways, including substance abuse.

I am about to break down at this point, but wanted people to know.

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Reply My brother died this morning (Original post)
Wicked Blue Friday OP
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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 11:40 AM

1. Deepest condolences

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 11:40 AM

2. I'm so sorry for your loss. n/t

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 11:41 AM

3. My condolences from me and my adopted family

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 11:41 AM

4. My condolences.

So sorry about this.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 11:41 AM

5. So Sorry for your loss

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 11:42 AM

6. I'm so sorry...

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 11:43 AM

7. ...

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 11:44 AM

8. Condolences

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 11:44 AM

9. Sorry for your loss.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 11:44 AM

10. I'm very sorry for your loss.

A sudden loss is difficult to absorb. I hope you have many memories to comfort you.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 11:46 AM

11. May his memory be eternal.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 11:48 AM

12. I'm so sorry. nt

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 11:48 AM

13. I am sorry for your loss

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 11:50 AM

14. I am so very sorry Wicked Blue

I wish there was more I could do but know you and your brother are in my thoughts today. In time the pain will ease and only the good memories and good times will remain and a smile will replace the sadness.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 11:52 AM

15. So sorry to hear.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 11:52 AM

16. Very sorry for your loss

Deepest condolences.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 11:53 AM

17. I am so sorry.

What a painful loss.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 11:54 AM

18. So sorry for your loss

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 11:54 AM

19. I'm so sorry. Losing a close relative so suddenly is shattering.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 11:55 AM

20. So sorry for your loss

My sincerest condolences.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 11:56 AM

21. I am so sorry for the loss of your brother. May he rest in peace. May you have comfort and

strength.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 11:57 AM

22. RIP

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 11:57 AM

23. So very sorry for such a great loss

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 11:58 AM

24. Deepest condolences. May his spirit be at peace.

Your DU family is here for you.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 11:58 AM

25. I understand. My brother's death was a big shock to me also

You will get through your grief. Your husband and children are there to comfort you. Your brother's suffering from ill health and other obstacles are over. May he rest in peace.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 11:59 AM

26. I am sorry for your loss. nt

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 12:00 PM

27. I can't imagine losing a sib.

heartfelt condolences.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 12:00 PM

28. I'm so sorry

Hang in there. DU is with you.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 12:01 PM

29. So sad to hear this, Wicked Blue.

It is very hard when a loved one passes away unexpectedly. Prayers in the wind. Take care of you, as you are handling your brother's arrangements.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 12:02 PM

30. I am so very sorry. I understand what a great loss it is. Healing thoughts! nt

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 12:04 PM

31. I'm so sorry, Wicked Blue! Please take care of yourself during this awful time, and if you need to

break down, break down—for a while. Give yourself all the time you need to mourn the loss of your brother.

Wishing you the very best!

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 12:05 PM

32. Rest In Peace dear brother



May you find peace and solace in the memory of your brother from happier days.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 12:08 PM

33. that's very sad. i'm sorry for your loss




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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 12:12 PM

34. Walk in peace brother

Losing a sibling is always hard. My heart goes out to you. Be kind to yourself and let go of regrets. You did the best you could. I'm sure he passed with good memories of you.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 12:12 PM

35. My condolences.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 12:15 PM

36. I am so sorry for your loss.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 12:19 PM

37. I'm so sorry!

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 12:20 PM

38. ((((...))))

it's ok not to be ok right now! take the time needed to grieve

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 12:26 PM

39. I'm very sorry to hear this.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 12:28 PM

40. So sorry, Wicked Blue. Holding you in my heart. n/t

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 12:30 PM

41. My sympathy on your loss of your brother. May every

good memory comfort you. Wishing you strength as you go through this process and sending hugs .

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 12:33 PM

42. Thoughts are with you. So sorry to hear this.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 12:33 PM

43. I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine your pain..

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 12:36 PM

44. I am so sorry

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 12:36 PM

45. Losing family members hurts so much, and I'm sorry for the loss of your brother.

Hang in there. You have much empathy here on DU.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 12:37 PM

46. I'm so incredibly sorry.

What a way to start the day. I got the call about my brother and had to break the news to everyone else. I felt the world turning upside down as I was getting the news. Please take care of yourself and let yourself fully grieve. I didn't let myself deal with the full impact at the time and can't do it even decades later.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 12:41 PM

47. We are all very sorry for your loss

Hope for your healing from the pain.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 12:46 PM

48. So very sorry

So sorry.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 12:51 PM

49. From my family to yours, our most sincere condolences Wicked Blue. I know losing a sibling...

...hits different.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 12:52 PM

50. So sorry for your loss

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 12:52 PM

51. I'm so sorry for your loss.Losing a sibling is very hard; they share memories w you that no one else

…does, although from a different point of view. They were there with you.

May all your memories of him be dear.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 12:54 PM

52. I'm very sorry for your loss

We’re here for you

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 12:56 PM

53. Sorry for your loss.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 01:00 PM

54. I'm so sorry for your loss..

Deepest condolences to you.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 01:02 PM

55. So sorry for your loss. My deepest condolences.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 01:04 PM

56. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your brother. I wish there words that could heal the pain

and grief you must be feeling. Peace be with you.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 01:06 PM

57. I am sorry for your loss. ❤

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 01:10 PM

58. I am so sorry

Hugs

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 01:11 PM

59. My condolences on your loss.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 01:12 PM

60. I'm so sorry, Wicked Blue.

I'm very close with my three brothers. I'm the only girl. ("Girl". I'm 58.) We're all getting on in age, but so far we are all in decent health. Still, our father died suddenly of a heart attack without much warning, so I worry.

Take care of yourself. And thanks for telling us about your brother. Sounds like a good guy.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 01:13 PM

61. So very sorry for your loss. Peace to youl.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 01:16 PM

62. I am sorry for your loss

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 01:19 PM

63. I am so sorry for your loss.

May your brother rest in peace. Sending hugs and love your way.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 01:20 PM

64. I'm so sorry for your loss.


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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 01:21 PM

65. So sorry for your loss.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 01:28 PM

66. I'm so sorry.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 01:29 PM

67. I'm so sorry for your loss.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 01:29 PM

68. I'm so very sorry.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 01:45 PM

69. So sorry for your loss!

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 01:50 PM

70. Hugs to you

Losing a sibling is extremely hard and Carries it’s own special pain and shock. My brother died about 50 years ago and I still mourn for him. Sometimes it feels like it just happened recently. I’m sorry for your loss.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 01:53 PM

71. So sorry Blue.

I am first-generation from Latvia and those years and experiences made it difficult for many of the people who lived through those times and their sons and daughters. Before I had my kids and their extended families, I used to laugh and say that my family could hold a reunion in a telephone booth because after we immigrated here so many of our folks were left back there. My heart goes out to you for the loss of your brother.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 01:56 PM

72. This news saddens me... We are all a piece of the continent. Deepest sympathy....

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 01:59 PM

73. Vibes to you all.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 02:07 PM

74. I am so very sorry

for your loss.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 02:11 PM

75. My condolences

to all who knew and loved him.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 02:22 PM

76. So sorry for your loss ❤️

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 02:25 PM

77. my condolences

I am truly sorry for the loss of your brother. Thank you for sharing your grief here, as well as some background on your family. I admire the people of Estonia and am so grateful to them for their courage and support in helping expose the Russian interference in our election. In fact, I am so grateful and impressed that I booked a trip in 2020, with the goal of experiencing Estonia and thanking Estonians personally. Of course, that trip had to be cancelled due to the pandemic. And so I still have not hugged an Estonian! In reading of your sorrow here, I wish I could hug you in offering my condolences. Peace be with you.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 02:26 PM

78. My deepest condolences

For the loss of your Brother

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 02:27 PM

79. I'm very sorry for your loss. 😥💔

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 02:30 PM

80. And yet you are thinking of other people

Thank you for informing your friends. Now take time for yourself.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 02:32 PM

81. Sending you hugs, Wicked Blue


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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 02:35 PM

82. Condolences on the loss of your brother.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 02:39 PM

83. So sorry for you loss.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 02:40 PM

84. I'm very sorry for your

loss.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 02:50 PM

85. Sorry for you loss

A good friend of ours was half Estonia half Swedish, came after the war w parents. He died in 2020. He as active at the Estonia House east 34th St NYC.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 02:52 PM

86. That's awful.

So sorry to hear the sad news.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 02:56 PM

87. My condolences

Keep the good memories close as you mourn his passing.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 03:07 PM

88. So very sorry

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 03:39 PM

89. Thinking of you, Wicked Blue.

Sending you hope for comfort and peace.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 03:48 PM

90. I am so sorry for your loss. I now know what my mom was referring to when

she said one of the worst things about getting older was everyone dying on you. I am in a very similar situation as you but I don't have a husband/wife and/or kids. It feels very weird.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 03:55 PM

91. I am so sorry.

It is tough to lose a brother.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 03:56 PM

92. ...

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 04:00 PM

93. I am so sorry for your loss, Wicked Blue.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 04:24 PM

94. I am so sorry... you are in my thoughts.


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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 04:31 PM

95. There are no words at the loss of a loved one, me deepest condolences.

You will be in my thoughts.

Sleep well and get some rest.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 05:05 PM

96. Deepest sympathy Wicked Blue

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 05:14 PM

97. I'm so very sorry, Wicked Blue.

Such a young guy to die suddenly, and he sounds like he was wonderful brother.
I think a loss like that is even harder now when we are all already so isolated.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 05:23 PM

98. So sorry for your loss.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 05:29 PM

99. I am so very sorry for your loss.

My niece moved from Seattle to Tallinn three years ago and I don't think she's ever coming back. Hoping to visit her in 2023.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 05:30 PM

100. So sorry for your loss....

Your love for your brother comes through in your writing.

Wishing you peace.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 05:39 PM

101. Wicked Blue, I am so very sorry. n/t

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 06:05 PM

102. I am so sorry.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 06:29 PM

103. I am so sorry for your loss and all the pain you are experiencing. I come from immigrants as well,

and lost my brother a year ago. Brother-in-law (also from immigrant family) three months ago. There will always be a hole there. Please take care of yourself and reach out and hug those close to you. I know that sounds like advice, but what else do we have at a time like this? We care here and will have you in our thoughts.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 06:31 PM

104. Regardless of the circumstances, this is a tough loss.

We (DU) are keeping you in our thoughts.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 06:37 PM

105. OH, my dear, I am sorry.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 07:08 PM

106. I'm so sorry.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 07:17 PM

107. very sorry, Wicked Blue

I have lost two brothers, one just last May, and I know the feeling

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 07:34 PM

108. I'm so sorry, Wicked Blue.

Love and peace to you as you navigate through this sad and difficult time.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 08:38 PM

109. I am so sorry.

Sibling loss is hard, and losing the last family member is traumatic. Please take some tome to take care of yourself.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 09:04 PM

110. I'm very sorry for your brother's unexpected passing. The shock and loss must be overwhelming.

Death and grieving is a difficult subject for me. I don't have comforting or wise words to offer, other than my sincere condolences.

We do however, have a Bereavement Group that you may find helpful. It has helped me at times.


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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 10:15 PM

111. So very sorry for your loss!

I can’t imagine how difficult this is for you. Know that many of your friends on DU are thinking of you and wishing strength and peace for you at this time.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 10:35 PM

112. Very sorry for your loss



Deepest sympathy.




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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 10:46 PM

113. That's terrible, I'm so sorry.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 10:48 PM

114. I am sorry

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Fri Jan 14, 2022, 11:26 PM

115. My condolences to you

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Sat Jan 15, 2022, 12:56 AM

116. Oh, no. I am so sorry, Wicked Blue.

I wish you strength and comfort in the days ahead.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Sat Jan 15, 2022, 03:16 AM

117. All my sympathy, Wicked Blue.

A heavy load when shared is at least a little easier to bear.

I’m so sorry for your loss. But I want to share that kind reminder that Skittles posted here long ago, that I’ve never forgotten. “Someone’s always here.” It’s true, and hopefully it can be at least a small comfort to you during this time. You won’t be mourning alone.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Sat Jan 15, 2022, 03:20 AM

118. So Very Sorry For Your Loss.

I truly understand the addiction to smoking. Been smoking cigarettes for over 43 years now. There is No doubt in my mind that one day it will Kill me.
It's All about the desire to WANT to stop.
Again my Most Sincere Condolences on Your Loss.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Sat Jan 15, 2022, 03:36 AM

119. Oh, that's terrible! My deepest condolences. :(

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Sat Jan 15, 2022, 03:58 AM

120. Deepest sympathies to you, Wicked Blue. Nt

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Sat Jan 15, 2022, 05:12 AM

121. I'm very sorry.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Sat Jan 15, 2022, 06:16 AM

122. I'm so sorry for your loss


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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Sat Jan 15, 2022, 06:55 AM

123. My deepest sympathies, Wicked Blue. /eom

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Sat Jan 15, 2022, 07:14 AM

124. So so sorry

May he have eternal peace.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Sat Jan 15, 2022, 07:47 AM

125. Being a former smoker, I took it up when it was glamorous and widely acceptable.

It is a terrible addiction and difficult to get rid of. I am thankful that I was finally able to stop, but it was very difficult. I didn't escape without getting COPD that is a least controllable at the point. I add my condolences for your loss. When I see kids smoking I would like to be able to convince them to stop but know it probably would be considered an unwelcome interference.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Sat Jan 15, 2022, 08:24 AM

126. 💔

So sorry for your loss. 🙏🏼😔

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Sat Jan 15, 2022, 08:27 AM

127. I'm so sorry for you loss.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Sat Jan 15, 2022, 09:44 AM

128. Condolences. I'm so sorry.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Sat Jan 15, 2022, 10:03 AM

129. Very sorry for your loss

Sounds like your brother was a fine man. May he rest in Power.

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Sat Jan 15, 2022, 10:48 AM

130. So sorry for your loss

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Response to Wicked Blue (Original post)

Sat Jan 15, 2022, 10:53 AM

131. So sorry and completely empathize on the loss

Losing your only sibling is devastating and can make you feel marooned as the last surviving member of your birth family.

My only sibling (sister) died 2 years ago this month, a year younger than your brother. I too lived a good distance away. However, my sister had a loving partner who made all the funeral arrangements, followed her last wishes to the letter, a viewing and memorial in Florida and then an additional memorial and burial in NJ. My sister Kathy died right before Covid became a global scourge.

It still hurts, haunts in ways I did not anticipate. The passage of time helps but, of course, that means little in the moment of loss. Lean on your husband and kids for support; their love will boost you and provide strength.

It's hard. It just is.

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