HomeLatest ThreadsGreatest ThreadsForums & GroupsMy SubscriptionsMy Posts
DU Home » Latest Threads » Forums & Groups » Main » The DU Lounge (Forum) » Yesterday was a hard day

Mon Jan 31, 2022, 01:59 PM

Yesterday was a hard day

It was the birthday of my late son, who took his life in 2015, four days after Christmas. A two time Iraq vet, he'd been increasingly troubled since his second tour in 2010-2011, suffering from PTSD and, I think, also from the lingering effects of undiagnosed TBI due to concussion bombs. Then too many other things happened to him after he came home. Adam was born in 1976. It snowed that day. I was pretty mad at the doctor by the time my son got there, for reasons I won't go into. The first thing the kid did, after letting out a healthy howl, was to pee all over the doc, and I laughed and thought, I think I'll keep him.

I was on the edge of tears all day yesterday. We tuned into 1883 between football games (I'm loving that show!) and there was an amazing scene where Elsa, the daughter, was sitting alone grieving over her lover who had been shot by bandits during a raid (she'd managed to kill a couple of them). Captain, the Sam Elliot character, who has lost his wife and daughter to smallpox, came and sat beside her, and what he said to her was exactly what I needed to hear. "When someone you love dies, they take a piece of you, but they leave a piece of you with them." He spoke about going to the ocean, because that was where his wife had wanted to go, and he would see it for her. I was in tears when the scene was over, but they were good tears. Whoever wrote that scene, thank you. And thank you to Sam Elliot for the way he spoke those words.

19 replies, 2428 views

Reply to this thread

Back to top Alert abuse

Always highlight: 10 newest replies | Replies posted after I mark a forum
Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 19 replies Author Time Post
Reply Yesterday was a hard day (Original post)
Jilly_in_VA Jan 2022 OP
cilla4progress Jan 2022 #1
Fla Dem Jan 2022 #2
MLAA Jan 2022 #3
MontanaMama Jan 2022 #4
Chicagogrl1 Jan 2022 #5
murielm99 Jan 2022 #6
Karadeniz Jan 2022 #7
70sEraVet Jan 2022 #8
TygrBright Jan 2022 #9
Dave in VA Jan 2022 #10
markie Jan 2022 #11
gademocrat7 Jan 2022 #12
LoisB Jan 2022 #13
Totally Tunsie Jan 2022 #14
Skittles Jan 2022 #15
Skittles Jan 2022 #16
AwakeAtLast Feb 2022 #17
Maraya1969 Feb 2022 #18
Wicked Blue Feb 2022 #19

Response to Jilly_in_VA (Original post)

Mon Jan 31, 2022, 02:06 PM

1. Oh, Jilly....



Such an honor for you to bring your story here..yours and your son's.

What war does to soldiers is an unspoken travesty. For all of time, this has been the story. We owe them and their families more than we can ever say. And never enough.

Good on your son for peeing all over that doc! 😆

Holding you in my heart.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Jilly_in_VA (Original post)

Mon Jan 31, 2022, 02:16 PM

2. {{Hugs}}

Let the warm and wonderful memories rise to the top.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Jilly_in_VA (Original post)

Mon Jan 31, 2022, 02:23 PM

3. Sending you love and peace 💖

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Jilly_in_VA (Original post)

Mon Jan 31, 2022, 03:21 PM

4. Holding you in my heart, Jilly.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Jilly_in_VA (Original post)

Mon Jan 31, 2022, 03:22 PM

5. Sending you big hugs

I am so sorry about your son

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Jilly_in_VA (Original post)

Mon Jan 31, 2022, 03:29 PM

6. I am so sorry.

One of my son's friends did the same, after a tour in Iraq. He was supposed to go back. He was no coward, just messed up by his experience.

There is a hole in his family that will never heal.

I hope you find peace, even if the hole remains

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Jilly_in_VA (Original post)

Mon Jan 31, 2022, 03:33 PM

7. I'm so sorry for your unhappiness which is completely understandable. In fact, you'd be a plank

of wood if you had no sad memories. I know you'll find strength.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Jilly_in_VA (Original post)

Mon Jan 31, 2022, 03:33 PM

8. So sorry for the pain you carry.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Jilly_in_VA (Original post)

Mon Jan 31, 2022, 03:33 PM

9. Holding you in my heart, Jilly - thank YOU for this.

Grief never "goes away". It transforms, over time, takes on a different kind of shape.

How we deal with grief helps determine that transformation.

Avoiding the pain transforms it one way.

Acknowledging the pain, accepting it, reaching for understanding, letting it change us... that transforms grief in a different way.

One thing we do, as human beings, is tell each other stories - it may be one of the most important things we do for each other, whether the purpose is to make each other laugh, feel thrills of vicarious experience, understand each other, or any other purpose.

Mourning rituals in many cultures include telling stories of the person mourned.

So often mass entertainment (storytelling!) dodges or overlooks a chance to tell its stories in a way that touches pain and helps with understanding and healing. But when they go there, it can be a gift for many.

I'm glad this one touched you, glad you shared.

And glad you shared your early memory of Adam. His life mattered to many who never knew him. Keep those memories for us, and share them when you know it's right.

respectfully,
Bright

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Jilly_in_VA (Original post)

Mon Jan 31, 2022, 03:55 PM

10. Thank you for sharing this.

It is good to have this for those hard to handle moments of grief.

Thank you, again.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Jilly_in_VA (Original post)

Mon Jan 31, 2022, 04:00 PM

11. Thank you for sharing...

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Jilly_in_VA (Original post)

Mon Jan 31, 2022, 04:24 PM

12. So sorry, Jilly

Sending you love and hugs.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Jilly_in_VA (Original post)

Mon Jan 31, 2022, 04:47 PM

13. Birthdays are hard. When you think of your son, I hope all your tears in future will be good tears.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Jilly_in_VA (Original post)

Mon Jan 31, 2022, 06:00 PM

14. I'd imagine the most difficult task one has is to bury a child,

and they'll always be your "child" no matter their age.

{{{hugs}}} to you, Jilly.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Totally Tunsie (Reply #14)

Mon Jan 31, 2022, 08:22 PM

15. yes

and losing someone to suicide is especially difficult

for example, I can never think of my dad without thinking of how he died

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Jilly_in_VA (Original post)

Mon Jan 31, 2022, 08:23 PM

16. lovely, poignant post

so sorry about your boy, Jilly

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Jilly_in_VA (Original post)

Tue Feb 1, 2022, 10:45 AM

17. Sending many hugs your way

I wish my husband had known your son. They would have been good for each other, I'm sure. He is also an Iraq war Veteran with a TBI and PTSD. He struggles daily with depression, and I'm sure avoids telling me about any suicidal thoughts. I monitor him constantly. He came home in 2006 after spending a year going back and forth between Fallujah and Ramadi. The past 15 years have been hell, I'm sure you understand. I will hate George W. Bush and Dick Cheney until the day I die.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Please PM me at any time you need a shoulder!





Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Jilly_in_VA (Original post)

Tue Feb 1, 2022, 01:29 PM

18. ............



Bless You.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Jilly_in_VA (Original post)

Tue Feb 1, 2022, 05:26 PM

19. Now I'm in tears

Blessings and hugs to you.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink

Reply to this thread