The DU Lounge
Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsI'm an old man. Yesterday I was at a wedding.
It was the wedding in the family of the owner of the company at which I work.
They are a wonderful family; one I am very proud to know. The founder of the company, who passed away, was one of the finest people I have ever known, smart, scrupulously ethical, fair, balanced and incredibly kind. My grief at his passing was not merely professional; it was deeply personal. I have wept many times at the loss.
While I was at the wedding several people asked me why I haven't retired - I could do so - and I brushed the inquiry off. I like what I do and I'm confident my company values me highly and treats me well. I feel I'm using my experience and knowledge acquired over a lifetime to work to save lives, to participate in discussions designed to develop drugs to treat human diseases that are currently intractable. I will work as long as I can do so.
While we were congregating before the wedding, and later while we were eating food after it, another guest at the wedding, also a friend of the family, to my knowledge a good friend, did something that I found disturbing.
This person came up to me - several times - and tried, not all that subtly, to poach me away from my company - the company owned by our hosts - to join their new start up company.
I have lived too long for this sort of thing. It's nice to be respected in my industry, but the job I have now is the last one I will ever have, a job very much involved in love.
Anyway, we were all guests of the family and somehow it just seemed the wrong place and wrong time to engage me in this way. We've lost a number of people at my company, and I see my duty to do what I can to bridge my company to the future. I owe that to my late boss for who he was.
Skittles
(153,150 posts)just curious
NNadir
(33,515 posts)It was just something he would have never done in the reverse situation.
On some level, it was a compliment to me as a professional, but it wasn't a compliment to me as a man. What I sort of knew, but what my boss taught, is that who one is as a man or a woman is far more important than one's professional accomplishments or failures.
As it happened, there were many people from the industry at this large wedding, and several took time to me complements on my work. There were even several people who wanted to be introduced to me and were.
However, I wasn't at the wedding for business reasons, nor was I there to solicit anything, complements included. I was there to celebrate a marriage in a family I have grown to love.
I was not even expecting to be noticed, and in many ways didn't even want to be noticed, but this notice, such as it was, seemed disrespectful not to me personally, but rather to my late boss, who he was, who everyone who knew him knows, or should know, he was.
I just expected better.
Haggis 4 Breakfast
(1,453 posts)WRONG place, WRONG time. Talk about poor manners, lack of class and devoid of grace . . . That this individual had to be told "No" MORE than once borders on harassment. At a wedding no less. For the family of the deceased owner and friend. Geeeez.
What has happened to common courtesy ? What a staggering lack of respect.
Skittles
(153,150 posts)"let's talk about this at a more appropriate time" would have covered that
stopdiggin
(11,300 posts)very social obtuse. They are certainly out there (with a certain cross-section of the gifted and intelligent) - and they can often run afoul of 'appropriate' or 'situational' by just simply not getting it.
Or the person could have just been an ass. We seem to have a growing number of people that 'just don't care.' But - a wedding? You can only top that by being a jerk at a funeral.
Karadeniz
(22,511 posts)onecaliberal
(32,834 posts)Stunning lack of respect for the host.
Rebl2
(13,496 posts)Lochloosa
(16,063 posts)They went too far, and would have been a red flag for me.
peacefreak2.0
(1,023 posts)If nothing else, its an indication of an environment you dont want to be in.
Ziggysmom
(3,406 posts)position and I'm very happy with the outcome. It's become more prevalent recently, but at a wedding??? Definitely tacky behavior, in my opinion. I would let them know how you feel, seems they need lessons in loyalty and manners 😊
sdfernando
(4,931 posts)They could have asked for your contact information and later talked about this.
I would take this as a sign as to how this person would be as a boss and how they would run the company. Even if I was looking to change my employment I would pass on this.
hay rick
(7,607 posts)Thank you for your good example.
Demobrat
(8,970 posts)he would backstab his colleagues and employees with impunity and entitlement.
He showed you who he was. Be glad youre not desperate for a job, or you might have ended up working for a snake.
multigraincracker
(32,674 posts)live with yourself is more important than all the money in the world.
I figured you are a pretty smart person from your post.
Joinfortmill
(14,417 posts)RussellCattle
(1,535 posts)....you as well. You humanity has often been made apparent by your comments, as has your ethics, particularly when you have discussed you son and his journey. Your feelings about this recent encounter, therefore, come as no surprise. When speaking of your job and using the term "love", I'd point out that lots of people never have that experience. As an old man myself, when considering the actions of others, I try to remember my mothers admonition, "It takes all kinds".
lastlib
(23,220 posts)-*- GASP! -*-
You should've told that person "No, thank you" the first time. The second time, to call you next week, so you could give him the same answer. The third time--"*BUZZ* off. (You can substitute the expression of your choice on that one.)
GenThePerservering
(1,813 posts)and then forget the conversation. Perhaps you've never had people try to poach you - I have. It happens a lot, is nothing new, and the world is full of tacky people. Laugh it off, be glad you're still valued and I hope you enjoyed the wedding.
NNadir
(33,515 posts)Usually the effort is professional and carried out in a professional manner. Old as I am, I still get calls from recruiters, and every few days a new one wants a Linkedin connection.
This situation is different, rather like having someone hit on your wife at your birthday party. (This actually happened to me many years ago; my wife and I had a good laugh about it.)
I was recruited for the job I have at a scientific meeting, which is an entirely appropriate place. In fact, most of the jobs I've accepted over the years, for good and for bad, came up because of attendance at meetings or because of a former co-worker convincing his or her superiors to recruit me. There were a number of occasions where I was offered jobs by different companies at the same time.
But I've never had one like this. I was offended.
I did enjoy the wedding except for that part.