Sheesh, why is everyone so touchy lately?

[LuckyCharms]

I got a phone call today. Didn't recognize the number, but I answered anyway.

Guy says to me "Hey, so and so gave me your number. I was moving some furniture and I accidentally put a huge hole in my plaster wall. The corner of this hutch I was moving smashed into the wall. He said you could patch the wall for me. Are you available"?

I said "Yes. I'll come over and take a look at it. What's your address"?

He gave me his address and I drove over there.

I rang the door bell, introduced myself, and we went inside.

He said "Let me show you where the hole is in the dining room".

I said "where's the bedroom"?

He said "No, the hole is in the dining room".

I said "Where's the bedroom"?

He just stood there looking at me all confused like. I don't know why, but this happens every job I go to lately, so I should be used to it by now.

I repeated "Where's the bedroom"?

He started giving me shit. "THE HOLE IS IN THE DINING RO..."

I interrupted him and said, listen Mr. Lawyer, you don't seem to know the law but I do. Where's the fucking bedroom"?

He just shook his head and said "Follow me".

We went into the master bedroom. I very quickly and efficiently started ripping the blankets and sheets off the bed and this asshole starts screaming at me "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING"????

I'm used to this reaction, especially from people who don't understand how the law works.

I calmly said "It's alright. I'm almost done".

I stripped the bed and picked up the corner of the mattress. To my relief, I noticed that the mattress tag that says "Do not remove under penalty of law" was still attached. The guy had the good sense not to remove it.

I looked at him and said "OK, we're good. Show me where that hole is".

He said "Get the fuck out of my home, asshole".

I've heard this many times before, so he didn't get a rise out of me.

I just shrugged my shoulders, said "Your loss", grabbed my tool bag, and left.

[rubbersole]

1. And the moral of the story is...

Never hire a lawyer if you have a real life problem. My invoice is in the mail.

[Scrivener7]

2. I once took one of those off on a dare from my sister when I was 5. I lived

in terror of the police for about three years after that because she took the tag and wouldn't tell me where it was.

I remember being in a luncheonette and a cop came in and sat at the counter and I hid behind my siblings for the whole lunch because I was sure I was going to be arrested.

Oh, the trauma!

[LuckyCharms]

3. This is just an attempt at humor by the way. Didn't really happen.

To me, anyway.

i read something somewhere last night like this, and embellished the story a bit. But not by much.

[Celerity]

4. It's depressing you felt compelled to explain, as I found it damn near perfect in its original state

[LuckyCharms]

5. Well, much to my dismay, and I can't say I blame some people...

Some people believe my bullshit.

I don't always post bullshit, but as it happens, some people do not recognize when I do, and then I kind of feel like a jerk for posting it.

[Celerity]

6. It appeared to me instantly to be a short allegorical construct

Rather well done too, with a right proper dash of vulgarity, which is always welcome in my mind's eye.

cheers

[LuckyCharms]

7. It's interesting how you are conveying this.

I have a history of posting some pretty stupid shit. Some of it is funny to people, some of it isn't, but it always cracks me up personally, so I'll post it.

I might read a three word comment about something that grabs my attention. I'll start thinking about that comment, and maybe relate to something that has happened in my life, combine the two situations together, and try to create a joke or story.

I think I do it as a way of keeping my mind and imagination active.

However, I do have some true stories in my life that I sometimes post, but usually don't, because they are stranger than fiction.

Your comment about the "proper dash of vulgarity" is spot on. I curse routinely. If you curse sparingly at the right time, it can convey a point 10 times more accurately than you would without cursing.

Thanks for the thought provoking responses!

[Ohio Joe]

8. I get that...

I have things in my posts all the time that I think are very, very funny and almost never does it get recognized much less a laugh.