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Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsOh the shame.
Quite possibly the funniest thing I've ever read on the Internet. (check out the other reviews if you need more laughs.)
5.0 out of 5 stars Oh the shame...., 3 July 2012
By
A. Chappell
This review is from: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.
I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considerd myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.
At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned .
Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so.I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.
This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.
Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good ". Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect...
http://www.amazon.co.uk/review/RMSBINADT0S6S
MiddleFingerMom
(25,163 posts).
.
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... in my upper inner left thigh.
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Went to the camp dispensary and got some BenGay and sat on the edge of a bunk to apply it.
.
Was momentarily distracted and brushed the gel across the boys.
.
At first cool... the heat built to a white-hot Dicko Inferno and the two camp counselors struggled
quite unsuccessfully to keep from howling 'til they were (like I was, for a different reason) in tears
as I raced round-and-round the inside of that cabin, bowlegged as I could be, trying to create a
so-MUCH-needed-but-never-EVER-to-arrive soothing breeze.
.
.
.
ohheckyeah
(9,314 posts)not fun.
HeiressofBickworth
(2,682 posts)They can make you feel the pain in parts you don't even have.
My lady-bits are in sympathy!!!!
ohheckyeah
(9,314 posts)Duer 157099
(17,742 posts)He didn't throw the ice cream out????
But at the rocket-propelled sprout
ohheckyeah
(9,314 posts)yuk.
loli phabay
(5,580 posts)no way was theat ice cream getting lobbed, probuably had the sprouts for his tea as well.
pinboy3niner
(53,339 posts)And after the third time, I decided that I may never use that product again.
But I still have lots of frozen vegetables on hand, just in case...
cliffordu
(30,994 posts)just to keep in shape....
pinboy3niner
(53,339 posts)...and began gradually and gently over at least a week with light lifts before progressing on to a full press.
After a few weeks of various exercises with ever-increasing numbers of reps, I stop and consider whether or not I want to put any potatoes in the sacks. Then, after dissolving into paroxysms of laughter, I'm so exhausted that I'm ready to take a couple of months vacation from my exercise routine.
Best of all, no frozen veggies--or indeed, any veggies at all--are harmed in the process of my staying in shape. The bacon is another story...
We gotta stop meeting like this, Two Effs!
cliffordu
(30,994 posts)pinboy3niner
(53,339 posts)Brings a smile to my face and, as Snoopy says, "warms the cookies of my heart."