Best folksy sayings

[WilliamPitt]

"If we had ham, we could have ham and eggs, if we had eggs."

"He was busier than a one-legged cat trying to bury shit on a frozen pond."

Go.

[In_The_Wind]

1. Busier than a long tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

Busier than a cat on a hot tin roof.

[siligut]

2. If you keep goin' the way you're headed, pretty soon you're gonna get there

You can't have your cake and eat it too.

If brains were dynamite, that boy couldn't blow his nose.

So dumb, couldn't walk and chew gum at the same time.

[bluedigger]

3. Slicker than snot on a glass doorknob.

[Sekhmets Daughter]

4. So confused

he doesn't know whether to shit or go blind...

[mokawanis]

11. so he closes one eye and farts

[Sekhmets Daughter]

16. That I had never heard...but it sure is fitting!

[ohiosmith]

5. Butter my ass and call me a biscuit!

[DearHeart]

20. HAHAHAHAHA!

[fizzgig]

6. crazier than a shit house rat

useless as tits on a boar hog
colder than a witch's tit

[Glorfindel]

7. Heave and set like a ram at a gatepost

Slow and steady like a cat eating a grindstone
Fast as a dose of salts through a widow-woman
Too poor to pay attention

[LiberalEsto]

8. Suve silmad, talve hambad

Estonian folk proverb.

Means "Summer eyes, winter teeth"

Refers to deceptively nice weather when it's still cold enough to get sick from running around without your winter coat. Often said by my mother.

[Laura PourMeADrink]

45. love that !!

[myrna minx]

88. This Minnesotan loves your sage Mother's observation.

[OriginalGeek]

9. Maybe not best but made me laugh my ass off

when my 80something year old grandma yelled out the window at my little brother "YOU DON'T KNOW YOU ASS FROM A HOLE IN THE GROUND!"

because he was futzing around with her compost pile. EVERYone knew not to mess with her compost pile.

[llmart]

73. My late father's favorite...

"You don't know shit from shinola."

[Burma Jones]

10. That would gag a maggot

Dumber than a bag of hammers

Got a $50 haircut on a nickel head.....

[Laura PourMeADrink]

44. Got a $50 haircut on a nickel head..... Hysterical

[Demoiselle]

94. "Gag a maggot" is one of my personal favorites. Evokes all kinds of lovely images.

[mokawanis]

12. All hat and no cattle

[Laura PourMeADrink]

23. what does that mean? like a wannabe cowboy?

[mokawanis]

29. I think it means someone who talks big

but knows nothing. A pretender. I heard Jim Hightower use the phrase a few years ago.

[trof]

70. 10 gallon hat on a five gallon head.

Too big for your britches.

[Laura PourMeADrink]

96. I am in Texas now and I know that it is a big deal for someone to wear a cowboy hat when they

are not really a rancher/cowboy that actually gets down and dirty. People that do are considered "fakes"

[Demoiselle]

95. It was the title of a George W. Bush website....

...a hostile George W. Bush site, of course.

[agracie]

13. Couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel. n/t

[BlancheSplanchnik]

72. that one always cracks me up! nt

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

14. My Dad's favorite, it must be since he said it so often!

"If the dog hadn't stopped to shit, he'd a caught the rabbit"

"You can wish in one hand and shit in the other. See which one comes true first"

Dad was farmers son, big on the earthy ones I guess,,,,,,,,

[llmart]

74. My Dad had one.....

"They don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of."

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

15. "If my aunt had wheels she'd be a pastry cart."

[Laura PourMeADrink]

24. love that...what does it mean?

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

28. It express how a situation would be different if something else had been different, and

implies that it's pointless thinking about how something could be because the reality is different.

[nolabear]

34. ROTFL!! "If my aunt had balls she'd be my uncle."

I might like yours better.

[Laura PourMeADrink]

46. No way. That's hysterical !

[winter is coming]

17. "Couldn't hit a bull in the ass with a bass fiddle."

"Couldn't find his ass with both hands and a flashlight."

[kasanti]

112. Couldn't hit the broad side of a barn...

...if he was standing in it.

[Boomerproud]

18. You can put lipstick on a pig and call it Monique

but it's still a pig.

You have to say it in a southern accent of course.

[graywarrior]

19. Wish wonders and shit blunders

[DearHeart]

21. Shit Fire and save your matches!

[NightWatcher]

22. That's smoother than whipped owl shit

[panader0]

25. "I started out with nothin',

and I still got most of it left."

[Scruffy Rumbler]

26. Slower than molasses in January...

Tough titty said the kittie, but the milk's still warm.

[Wounded Bear]

27. (Lady) You're about a half a bubble off of plumb....

from Quigley Down Under.

[BarbaRosa]

30. If he had a brain, it would be lonesome.

[Paulie]

31. Busier than a kitten in a yarn factory

Easy peasy lemon squeezy

[TexasBushwhacker]

32. Fine as frog fur n/t

[Grammy23]

33. Busier than a one legged man in a butt kicking contest.

Do wonders and eat green cucumbers.

If a frog had wings he wouldn't bump his ass when he jumps.

Dumber than a box of rocks.

He's two sandwiches shy of a picnic.

Sh*t in one hand and want in the other and see which one fills up first.

[llmart]

75. Or....

busier than a one-armed paper hanger.

[nolabear]

35. My man is red hot; your man ain't doodly-squat!

[nolabear]

36. Busier'n a one-legged man in an ass kickin' contest.

[Major Nikon]

84. Busier'n a one-armed paper hanger

[mokawanis]

37. Weird one from my dad

If a frog had wings it wouldn't whomp its ass on the ground every time it jumped.

[lillypaddle]

39. Damn, that one

made me LOL.

[lillypaddle]

38. well,

fuck me runnin'

[In_The_Wind]

40. Do you want me to Cut Bait or Fish

For those of you who've never heard that one before ~

It isn't about catching fish. [img][/img]

[Wounded Bear]

60. Heard it the other way....

Either fish or cut bait!

As is don't just stand there, do something.

[In_The_Wind]

63. Sometimes a play on words will change the intent.

For me it means: we are about to mount an attack,
do you want to draw fire . . . or shoot while I'm the moving target.

[llmart]

76. My Dad's version....

"Shit or get off the pot."

My Dad was from Jersey so most of his sayings included foul language

[In_The_Wind]

77. I'll bet I've heard every one of your Dad's sayings.

I'm just across the river in NY.

[llmart]

78. LOL

I have always told my friends that by the time I was six years old I had heard every four-letter word in the book. But of course us kids weren't allowed to repeat them within earshot or we'd get a backhander from the old man

[In_The_Wind]

79. Backhanding any child is a bit much but when your Dad was child that

was the way things were done.

I'll bet you've got lots of stories to tell about your old man.

[llmart]

80. I sure do.

He had seven children and came from the old school theory of childraising - spare the rod and spoil the child. Now we know it wasn't an effective form of raising children and I never hit my two children, but all of us siblings now just sit around and reminisce and since he has been long gone from this earth, we've all forgiven him for not knowing any better.

[In_The_Wind]

82. Now. That's a beautiful story.

You don't here stories about large families anymore. That's too bad.

I would have loved to have had a brother to grow up with.

[union_maid]

91. My grandmother used to say that

Except she said the other way around - "Fish or cut bait."

[In_The_Wind]

92. Okay, I got it. But that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

41. full of piss and vinegar. and. who is fucking this monkey: me or you? and.

leans plumb toward Schronces.

also:

Daylight's burning and make Hay while the Sun Shines.

[Ptah]

42. My mother would often say, "Don't come running to me if you break your leg!"

[Laura PourMeADrink]

43. For $5 more dollars he could have gotten red

Example of use: When you see someone's car that is extremely bright red.

Or any other situation where something is so obvious/extreme

[FLSurfer]

47. New broom sweeps good

but the old broom knows the corners

[4_TN_TITANS]

48. Gosh, I'm as lost as last week's paycheck,

but I'm hangin in there like a hair in a biscuit. Still, I'm as useless as pantyhose on a billy goat in this thread. Now I'm in the mood for homemade chicken and dumplings.

[MerryBlooms]

49. "I'm so broke I can't even pay attention."

"The cat's meow."

"If I were any happier, I'd be twins."

"Happier than a tick on a dog."

[Party Favors]

50. "there's a lid for every pot"

and "something in the wash ain't clean"

[msatty99]

51. Tight as Dick's hat band.

[Party Favors]

52. forgot one...

"there's no right way to do the wrong thing"

[alarimer]

53. "Running around like my feet were on fire and my ass was catchin"

"Don't spit on me and tell me it's raining"

[msatty99]

55. the way I heard this was

"don't piss down my back and tell me its raining"

[Phentex]

54. Thank the Lard for nosy neighbors!...

Happy as a jackass eatin' briars

Busier than a stump-tailed cow in fly time

[Texasgal]

56. "it's all fun and games

until someone pokes their eye out"

[ScreamingMeemie]

83. ...

[WolverineDG]

57. More nervous than a long-tailed cat

in a room full of rocking chairs.

It's dryer than a popcorn fart.

Busier than a one-armed paper hanger.

Busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest.

[Raven]

58. Stick to the main tent and avoid the sideshows.

[redqueen]

59. Skittish as spit on a hot skillet.

Huge as all o' hell and half of Texas.

Meaner than a sackful of rattlesnakes.

So dumb they can't pour rain out of a boot with a hole in the toe and directions on the heel.

About as sharp as a mashed potato.

Busier than a one-armed paper hanger.

Busier than a cat trying to cover up a turd on a frozen pond.

Their cheese done slid off their cracker.

Greasy as fried lard.

Colder than a well-digger's ass.

Colder than a witch's tit in a brass brassiere.



I could go on and on...

[Wounded Bear]

61. Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey...nt

[Denninmi]

62. The secretary where I used to work came from Virginia.

If she ate some artificially flavored product she didn't like, for example, fake blueberries in a mass-market Hostess type blueberry muffin:

"It doesn't taste like it's spent the night where a blueberry had been."

and

"Those who go a'borrowing go a'sorrowing"

She is pretty wise.

[a la izquierda]

64. I'm sweatin' like a whore in church (can only be said by the ladies)

The elevator doesn't go all the way to the top.
Fuck me sideways.

[grasswire]

65. wherever you go, there you are

and: "a tad bit"

I think that last one is Kansan.

[LNM]

66. Shit or get off the pot.

[msatty99]

67. "Take the rag off the bush"

It means get mad and raise hell.

[winter is coming]

68. "Doesn't have a pot to piss in, a window to throw it out of, or a yard for it to land on."

As in, "So poor that..."

[CrazyOrangeCat]

69. "Grab a root and growl!"

What my funny grandpa used to say at dinnertime, when I was a kid in the Sixties.

[trof]

71. Them pants fit you a little too quick.

You've outgrown your britches.
My Grampaw.

[ScreamingMeemie]

81. "I haven't seen you since Hector was a pup." "I believe I'd start painting that porch from the

other corner."

[Major Nikon]

85. Hotter'n a March hare

[Wounded Bear]

99. Hotter'n a bride's breath in June.....

[kasanti]

111. Hotter'n a two dollar pistol

[love_katz]

86. fun thread. :)

Not worth a pinch of owl shit (from my dad).

Use your head for something other than a hat rack (from my mom).

[PuffedMica]

87. Win on Sunday, Sell on Monday.

[mcar]

89. He could screw up a two car funeral

[A HERETIC I AM]

90. Uglier than a hat full of bugs. n/t

[union_maid]

93. Madder 'n hornet in a mayonaisse jar n/t

[Arctic Dave]

97. Trying to turn a sow's ear into silk purse.

Trying to turn chicken shit into chicken salad.

Hotter then the hinges of Hell.

[rurallib]

98. don't piss on an electric fence!

he could fuck up a wet dream.

[vanlassie]

100. Useful as a screen door on a submarine.

It went over like a lead balloon.

It'll feel better when it stops hurting.

[Hassin Bin Sober]

101. "I'm as happy as a guy with two dicks"

"my dick was harder than Chineese arithmetic"

"I bet he sees more ass than a Hertz rent-a-car"

"that car takes off like a scalded dog"

"he throws money around like sewer covers"

"he's so cheap he still has his communion money"

Those are all from my old boss.

[raptor_rider]

102. Jumpier than a virgin at a

Prison rodeo!!!!

[raptor_rider]

103. Name that show

You get a cookie!!! Lol!!!

[RedCloud]

104. Does a bear shit in the woods? Not a polar bear!

[muriel_volestrangler]

105. Fine Words Butter No Parsnips

Best use: to translate an article by Lenin

[Gidney N Cloyd]

106. He's lower than a snake's belly in a wagon rut.

[Gidney N Cloyd]

107. If momma ain't happy, nobody's happy.

And from my grand mother's kitchen, a plaque that said:
"Kissin' don't last. Cookin' do."

[velvet]

108. "He could talk the maggot off a chop"

"I was flat out like a lizard drinking" = I was working very hard/fast.

[Munificence]

109. Slicker than a Minnow's Dick

Lower than whale shit
Lower than a snakes belly
Crazy as a bed bug
Use it up and wear it out, make it do or do without.
You can always tell an Indian summer by "Apache" fog.
Worthless as the teats (tits) on a boar hog. (Boar is a MALE hog when identifying sex of a hog/pig )
Colder than a well diggers ass.
1 card short of a full deck
Out to pasture (old and worthless)
Egg suckin' dog (one that is unable to get over bad habits)
About as bright as a lampshade
Built like a brick outhouse
A quilt of many colors

[TuxedoKat]

110. He/She doesn't have the sense God gave geese!

Love that one. Had a supervisor who used to say that.