Made the proctologist laugh when I was getting my colonoscopy.

[WCGreen]

I asked why was it taking so long, you looking for Jimmy Hoffa or something.

They can't put me under all the way because of my breathing problems...

[Aristus]

1. They don't put anyone under all the way. You had what's called 'conscious sedation'.

They may have reduced the dose of Fentanyl due to the risk of respiratory depression, though.

[ashling]

3. The first time I had one of those

They didn't put me under at all. Even put the monitor so I could see.

[RiffRandell]

17. They use Fentanyl to put people under?

I'm on the patches for chronic pain and never heard that---I though it was propofol--or whatever killed Michael Jackson.

I'm not arguing with a doc---btw---my neice is in grad school in PA to be a PA--haha.

[Aristus]

20. They use it IV for conscious sedation & to reduce the discomfort of a colonoscopy.

Usually paired with a medication called Versed.

[talkingmime]

23. AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! I'm allergic to Fentanyl. It makes me heave violently.

I don't think that would be a good combination with an alien anal probe.

Edit: One of my medical tags on my dog collar (dog tags, actually, from PetSmart) just says "NO FENTANYL!"

[Submariner]

37. FAIL

I was totally knocked out for mine last month. I did not want to know a thing. I woke up in recovery feeling fine and not remembering it at all.

Tuesday's with my doctor is total knockout day, and Thursday was partial sedation day. I recommend the total knockout job.

[840high]

41. Same here. Out - next

thing Iknew was in recovery.

[Scuba]

2. Doc, please remove your wristwatch, will ya?

[LiberalFighter]

11. Did he leave his ring in you?

[Scuba]

13. No. The really annoying thing was when he put on ...

... the Johnny Mathis record.

[olddots]

16. Chances are ?

[In_The_Wind]

4. Sound like springtime is check-up time for lots of us older DUers.

I'm glad to hear you haven't lost your sense of humor. That is very important to staying in good health.

[sarge43]

8. We made it through the winter

Now they want to find out how we did that.

[In_The_Wind]

12. Well it's none of their damn business!

thank you very much!

[sarge43]

14. Sex, drugs and rock 'n roll. They got us this far.

[In_The_Wind]

15. right on

[img][/img] [img][/img]

[img][/img]

[talkingmime]

25. Sometimes they just want bread, wine, and cheese in front of a fireplace.

Wait. I've got that scheduled for my wife on Saturday night. Merlot, seeded rye, gorgonzola, extra sharp cheddar, havarti, fresh mozzerela, grapes, kiwi, cantelope - wait. I FORGOT to mention fruit in the subject line!!!!

[sarge43]

39. You are a sweetheart. n/t

[talkingmime]

40. Shit. I'm out of gorgonzola and merlot. I was thinking tonight would be good.

They took the minivan to karate. I guess I can run out after they get back. I fucking made myself hungry, and the fire is always good. Always good.

Note: I love my wife, always have and always will. She's perfect. Did I mention that she's perfect?

I guess I need to get some merlot and cheese. I think I have the fruit, not sure, but I can pick some up.

Oh, and bread. I need a seeded rye. Nothing goes better with cheese than seeded rye.

Ludes? No, scratch the ludes. Pot? Fresh out of that. Fuck. Now I'm REALLY hungry. MUNCHIES!!!!

She won't be home for at least another hour. She's the instructor. I could borrow my daughter's car but it's so low to the ground that I feel like my ass is dragging along the pavement. Not my kind of car. I'd send my son out but he just took off about 15 minutes ago to get to karate (he's going to be LATE) and the only kid I have home right now isn't old enough to buy wine (also a karate instructor - night off).

So yeah, in about 75 minutes I'll have to sign off to go get munchies (and wine). I just ate a SHITLOAD of food but I'm hungry again and my kitten is in heat (non sequitur).

And did you know it costs like $400 to get a windshield replaced now? Shit, the last one I had replaced was half that cost, but it was also 20 years ago. At least they come to the door to do it, and it does include all three wiper blades. But seriously? How much does safety glass actually cost? Insurance won't cover it because it is a compression/temperature fracture, not an accident.

Did I mention that I love my wife?

[talkingmime]

24. Isn't that a little anal retentive?

[In_The_Wind]

26. so

[img][/img] keep your fingers and everything else away from my ass [img][/img]
no problem

[talkingmime]

27. The modem sort of serves as a condom.

[In_The_Wind]

28. Do I really need to know all of this?

modem. there is going to be a modem. [img][/img]

[talkingmime]

29. I'm still waiting for draft beer to be served over a modem. To hell with sex.

[In_The_Wind]

31. Sex thru the computer isn't a problem. How did we get from a medical exam to sex?

[img][/img] Seriously. Somebody skipped the foreplay.
And I don't remember getting kissed either. [img][/img]

[talkingmime]

34. You can't kiss over a modem either.

[In_The_Wind]

35. Less germs

Next

[talkingmime]

36. Good point. My wife's the Typhoid Mary of kindergarten.

She never seems to get sick, but she sure as hell brings home a lot of stuff for ME to get sick by!!!

[Ron Obvious]

5. Are you using the whole fist, doc?

Did you ever spend time in prison, doc?

I loved Fletch.

[UTUSN]

6. I thought this was going to be about either passing g or "joking" to them about doing it

I assume they get that a lot, both options and both tedious to them.

[Orsino]

7. My hat's off to anyone...

...who can come up with a joke that a practicing proctologist hasn't heard.

[Moondog]

9. Your thread reminded me that I needed to schedule mine.

And I have. Ugh. But thanks.

[graywarrior]

10. LOL!

I can't wait for my next colonoscopy. The high was sooooooo awesome! You just have to laugh through those things.

[RiffRandell]

18. I sprained my knee a few months back and got dilaudid before going under.

Jesus! I thought I had experienced it all...but damn! Good to see you Gray.

[graywarrior]

32. I know! No wonder I was a stoner.

I miss getting high.

[RiffRandell]

19. I hope the results are good.

Good thoughts, and funny story.

[talkingmime]

22. The results were sort of shitty.

[Aristus]

30. I used to have to clean the colonoscopes.

The protocol for cleaning them states that they should be so clean, you would not feel uncomfortable sticking it in your mouth.

I follwed the cleaning instructions to the letter, but never undertook the self-test...

I'm so glad I'm a provider now; I can delegate the gross stuff if I want to...

[talkingmime]

33. Ew.

[WCGreen]

38. This Colon is Clean

[talkingmime]

21. Did you do the Sharpie Mr. Bill thing?