Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip.

[Ichingcarpenter]

After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Why, what does it tell YOU."
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, Someone has stolen our tent."

[Lucinda]

1. Love it. :)

[hobbit709]

2. Old one, first heard this one onvolving the Lone Ranger and Tonto.

[HopeHoops]

4. The Lone Ranger and Tonto - there's an even better one.

The Lone Ranger was answering nature's call when a rattlesnake who didn't like being pissed on darted out and bit him right on the penis. He called out to Tonto and told him to ride into town and get the doctor. When Tonto arrived, the doctor was busy with a patient and told Tonto he had to get back there quickly, tie a tourniquet around the base, and suck all of the venom out and spit it somewhere. Tonto rode back as quickly as he could.

"What did the doctor say, Tonto?"

"Doctor say you gonna die."

[geardaddy]

5. lmao

[sarge43]

3. Excellent

[Doc Holliday]

6. It was late, and it was pouring rain.

It was raining so hard that Bob's wipers could barely keep up. But Bob was very thirsty....

Bob checked his watch: 1:40 a.m.

Bob thought, "Great. Almost last call, and not a bar in sight. First neon I see, I'm pulling over."

Almost immediately, he saw a rain-blurred neon sign...hit his brakes and pulled to the curb. He jumped out of his car and ran for the entrance, pulling his jacket over his head to avoid the worst of the downpour.

Once inside, he stopped and shook off the rain. Then he noticed.....

....no women anywhere. Only men-- men slow-dancing, men holding hands, men making out with one another.

"Jesus," Bob thought. "Just my luck... a gay bar!"

He checked his watch, thinking there might just be time to go someplace else, when a voice came over the sound system: "Last call! Last call for alcohol!"

He thought, "Fuck it. I'm thirsty. If any of these Nancy-boys lays a finger on me, I'll rearrange his face for him."

He then pushed (perhaps a bit more rudely than necessary) through the crowd milling around the bar. He spotted a bartender, waved him over and said, "Lemme get a shot of Patron and a Heineken, sweetie."

The bartender looked him over and said, "I can't serve you until you tell us your penis's name, sir."

Bob, flabbergasted, said, "Say what?"

The bartender patiently repeated, "House rules, sir. We cannot serve you until you tell us your penis's name."

Bob thought it over for maybe two seconds, then told the bartender, "Hold that thought, pal." He then tapped the man standing on his left, and said, "Hey, buddy...what's your wiener's name?"

The man looked back at Bob and told him, straight-faced, "I call mine Ford....as in 'have you driven a Ford lately?' "

Bob pondered this for a moment, then tapped the guy on his right, asking him, "Hey, fella....whaddaya you call your Johnson?"

This guy smiled at Bob and replied, "Why, I call mine Stanley....you know, the power drill?"

The bartender stood there, waiting patiently while this information swirled through Bob's mind. Finally, Bob told him, "Okay, barkeep....I'm ready for that shot-and-beer now."

The bartender put on a quizzical expression, and asked Bob, "Well? What is your penis's name, sir?"

Bob drew himself up to his full height and answered, "I call mine Secret. Strong enough for a man....but made for a woman."

[ohiosmith]

7. Hahahaha!