I finally twigged why people say outrageous things when angry
I don't have an anger bone in my body. Spock was my admired authority figure when I was growing up. I simply see no need for anger. It's destructive. It's a precursor to violence. And it's totally irrational.
So how do I deal with my relationships when the other gets angry? I am usually bewildered. The other makes up total fabrication, escalating them to ridiculous heights... "We live in a pig sty", "You never lift a finger to help", "What's the point in living then?", "Fuck you and your mother, you asshole", and so on. Meanwhile, I'm always calm, rational and I ask questions to try to ascertain what the problem *really* is, and I never find that out.
However, today I twigged on what's going on. They say outrageous things to try to get me to be as or more angry than they are! It was a bombshell to me! So today I faked anger, ranted and raved a bit, made up some bullshit and hit them with it, stomped around like a little child and generally huffed and puffed like I was really angry. And it worked! hahahaha!
They're really just trying to make me angry and it makes them angrier when I don't get angry. So now I have the solution! Fake anger!
It's sad to me for this to be the situation. I wish it were not so and everyone could live their lives anger free, like me. But many things about human social and personal interactions are foreign to me and this is one that's taken over 50 years for me to learn. So they just want me to be angry too. Damn. What a revelation! :^)
(I often feel like Sheldon Cooper, without the obsessive compulsiveness, of course)
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Merry Fucking Christmas! 
I wouldn't want to be listening to them all day long. ugh. Wading around all day in the mud of other people's mental problems isn't my idea of a great career choice! I wish I could be the science officer on Star Trek, though, that would be awesome! In fact if I could only live in the world of Star Trek, I'd be soooo happy! lol 
I had no idea it was nearly impossible for people not to be angry in response to a loved one's anger. I always look to find out what's the root cause and address resolving it, but that always makes them even more angry. I figure if it were me that were angry, I would want the root cause to be remedied. Apparently, that's not what an angry person wants at all. Not at all. No, they want me to be angry, or at least to appear to be angry.
My mother used to say "Misery loves company." I think I understand that better now.
Imagonna go practice pouting like a 4 year old child now. hahahaha!
They complain of something that's not the thing that's upsetting them, then they pout or stew for a bit, if anger is not present in the other yet, they make up and deliver ever more outrageous complaints. Then they pout some more, steam or stew a bit, clang and clatter around with inanimate objects and then come back with even more outrageous complaints.
When I feign anger back, they leave in a huff, apparently satisfied with their dastardly deed. And then they can get off it. It feels fake to me to feign anger, but it works to help them get out of the rut of anger, so I'm going to file this discovery in the same category as apologizing for something you didn't do. I do that sometimes so that the other person can move on with their life and it promotes good feelings once more.
Life is so hard for people who reserve the right to be angry. I have no use for it myself. However, I suspect that on some level they get some juice out of it. I am not sure what that juice might be, but I suspect it's there, just out of the range of my detection capabilities. I need an irrationality tricorder. Someone should invent one. I'd buy it.
But when people are angry, they don't bring up any legitimate complaints. They exaggerate. Widly. In an increasing spiral of ridiculousness. If there is a legitimate complaint, my experience tells me that they don't want to tell you what it is. They expect you to "know already" while they heap more and more scorn upon you.
Me, I'm trying desperately to find out what that complaint is, but they won't tell me. Now I know it's because they are enjoying the childish release of angerous thoughts. It's a tirade. The point is not to get something resolved, which could be done easily and rationally, but to instead create a blown out of proportion battle... for entertainment? Excitement? Self-righteousness? I simply cannot tell, and they won't tell me either. If you can shed light on that aspect, I'd be grateful!
P.S. The they to whom I refer is everyone I've ever experienced anger from. In fact, everyone, almost. (I can count the exceptions on one hand) It puzzles me to this day why people cultivate anger. A feeling of superiority? A front for their own failures? A Jungian projection of their feelings? I have no use for it. It leads to violence. And what is violence but a total domination of another? Am I a cold-hearted person who needs therapy so that I can generate normal anger and try to dominate those I love? lol Fuck that. :^)
But I think I understand what you're saying. Many people never seem to be able to find the right way to display their anger or to resolve it. So what happens is that they are always bringing up old unresolved angers...perhaps disguised, but still the same unresolved issues.
That, of course, leads to exaggeration.
You continue to dismiss the idea that there is such a thing as real anger, simply because those displaying anger toward you have issues with how they express themselves and their anger. I have never had anyone but my ex-husband behave in the twisted manner you ascribe to every angry person you have ever dealt with. Oh, and my mother. They both enjoy(ed) being furiously angry...it gave them an excuse to be mean. That may be some of the issues with which you must deal. Which is not to say I haven't infuriated my fair share of people... but that when I have, I know exactly why they are furious and then we go about dealing with it. Sometimes shouting before laughing and working it out.
It could be that you become, unconsciously, supercilious, which would get on the last nerve of a saint. That of course makes me wonder, why you even bother trying to ascertain the cause of their anger. If you don't know and they won't tell....fuck 'em.
I think it works because that's what anger is: a desperate attempt to inflame another person into greater anger and thereby win the game of anger by getting what they want.
At least, that's what it appears to me. It's the only thing I can think of, anyway, for why feigning anger to an angry person, paradoxically, works to bring it to an end. There's room for other interpretations. I don't always see things the way others do.
As for real anger, isn't it all real? (except mine, of course, that's totally fake - I'm only acting angry. Inside I'm smiling since I now know the solution.)
I've been studying this for a while, and I've noticed that people present irrational arguments during anger and will not accept reason or anything at all, in fact, that goes against their ludicrous positions. As far as I can tell, there's no point in arguing with someone who is angry. They will win by being completely and increasingly irrational.
Increasing the accuracy of factual observations regarding the points claimed results in escalation. Accepting the ludicrous as if it were credible does the same. It inflames. As does dismissing the ludicrous claims. That's why it's such a breakthrough! It's been a long search, but I've finally found a way to manage the little angry children who sometimes live inside otherwise perfectly normal adults.
And your solution worked too! :^D
I'll never understand irrationality.
