A modest astrological proposal
The LA Times, like other newspapers, carries a column on astrology. This appeals to people who suppose that the position of the sun relative to certain constellations at birth somehow influences them. Needless to say, there is no empirical evidence to support this hypothesis.
I propose that newspapers discontinue the columns based on so-called "sun signs" (Aries, Pisces, etc.), the only virtue of which is that they are easily determined by birthdate.
As an alternative, newspapers might classify people according to the day of the week on which they were born. The associations of days with planets, and of planets with personalities, are equally ancient and no more ridiculous than the associations with the 12 constellations of the Zodiac.
Here's a sample of what you might read in a future newspaper.
Monday: You are either a lunatic, or you will become one if you don't watch out.
Tuesday: You have a warlike disposition and are likely to serve in the armed forces.
Wednesday: You are subject to sudden or unpredictable changes of mood. Furthermore, since Mercury was the god of thieves, you have a tendency toward shoplifting.
Thursday: You like to wield a hammer and are fond of wind, storms, and electrical sparks.
Friday: You are a sex fiend and will fuck just about anything.
Saturday: You are gloomy, slow moving, and mysterious.
Sunday: You have a sunny disposition and are subject to the delusion that people are basically good.
= new reply since forum marked as read
Now that pregnant women can schedule their C sections, they can choose what kind of personalities they want their babies to have.
I guess you mother wanted a warrior, not a lover.
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What could be more fun than the two F's?
Your guess is as good as mine. 
I am a Wednesdsay child...Full of Woe.... 
My lawyer Sag sister was born on a Thursday. I was born on a Friday.
Do you remember how it ends? I always get stuck at Sunday. I lose the rhythm, the rhyme and now I can't remember the words...
Monday's child is fair of face
Tuesday's child is full of grace
Wednesday's child is full of woe
Thursday's child has far to go
Friday's child is loving and giving
Saturday's child must work for a living
Sunday's child...&*#$ %!& %$*# %$# @@!#@wha??????????
or Wotan or Odin. These are different names of the Norse god who somehow got identified with Mercury, which makes little sense. Woden, rather than Thor, should have been identified with Jupiter = Jove = Zeus.
But back to Mother Goose:
Monday's child is fair of face,
Tuesday's child is full of grace,
Wednesday's child is full of woe,
Thursday's child has far to go,
Friday's child is loving and giving,
Saturday's child works hard for a living,
But the child who is born on the Sabbath Day
Is bonny and blithe and good and gay.
I had forgotten about this rhyme. Thanks for the reminder.
I'm a Sagittarius, born on a Thursday (Jueves, Giovedi, jeudi) which is named for Jupiter, the planet which rules Sagittarius...OMG! Must be Fate!!! Where IS my Tarot deck?