I'm sick, diseased, plague-ridden and fairly loathesome -- ask me anything.

[Nuclear Unicorn]

Taking the day off. Boss says clients are coming by the office so I'm not to be around. Hubby, bless his heart, says I look like someone tried to drown a kitten.

So, whatcha wanna know?

[Ptah]

1. Would you like some watermelon?

[Nuclear Unicorn]

2. What? What sort of absurd question is that?

Who DOESN'T like watermelon?

You know, don't answer that. I don't want to know who doesn't like watermelon. These people do not exist to me.

[Enrique]

3. yay

an excuse for me to post this cat eating watermelon video again.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

8. Better to call that "cat DEVOURING watermelon."

I had no idea a cat would even like watermelon, let alone be so enthusiastic about it.

[HopeHoops]

4. When was your last orgasm?

You SAID "ask me anything".

[Nuclear Unicorn]

5. Too long ago; and by that I mean

almost 36 hours.

[HopeHoops]

6. Wow. That IS a long time. I hate when that happens.

I trust the situation will be corrected shortly.

[UnrepentantLiberal]

7. This and only this.

If you call this a short staff, you oppose its reality. If you do not call it a short staff, you ignore the fact. Now what do you wish to call this?

[dawg]

10. I don't oppose the reality of the staff ....

it exists, and correspondingly, it displaces something else. All things exist in the pattern, and there can be nothing in the place of something else, and the universe is in order that way. Some people say this is trying to force my will upon the pattern, but that is not valid. The pattern is what it is, and I only comment upon that fact.

And I am due beer and travel money, and many experiences.

[dawg]

9. What can I do to sexy-up my image a little?

It might come in handy ....... eventually.

[Nuclear Unicorn]

11. You realize you're asking a woman

whose face is swollen and red with an incessantly runny nose, dark bags under her eyes and horking up green oysters. Sexy isn't exactly my forte at the moment.

However, as concerns your own sexiness: just be you. Don't be a slob but don't be some pretentous GQ wannabe either. Have a sense of humor but don't be a show-off. Don't stuff a sock down your pants trying to impress us; it's not like we won't find out the truth. If you made it past the first 30 minutes of a date you're already on the 20-yard line. Don't panic, we'll handle the rest.

You're already sexy, so just be you.

[dawg]

12. Oh come on! I need style tips.

I work in an office, so I'm usually in khakis with button down shirts. I've been gradually replacing my plaid "PTA Dad" shirts with solid colors (because I think they look bolder and a little dressier).

I can't get too wild with my clothes because the clients would think I was either 1)slacking off or 2)getting too fancy (off of their dime).

I worry that I have become a Kermit-the-Frog kind of guy, or at least that I come off that way. Mild-mannered, bland.

I know I'll never be a wild man (someone called me that last week, ironically ), but I feel like I have a sensitive, tortured, artistic soul. I want to get that across a little, in a way that women would find appealing.

I don't want to try and be something that I'm not. I'm just trying to think of ways of bringing my true self to the forefront a little more. (In a way that would be appealing).

[trof]

13. Try a kilt.

That says a lot about a man.
Yer welcome.

[dawg]

16. I would rock that look.

I have nice legs.

[trof]

18. It could open up a whole new life for you.

[UnrepentantLiberal]

14. Try this.

[dawg]

17. My upper body isn't quite good enough for that look.

Although the pushups and crunches are helping. On the plus side, I am at least as musical as that guy. And his boots would get me up to at least 5'10" (maybe more).

[zanana1]

15. Why do cats get acne? nt

[RedCloud]

19. How can I become unfairly loathesome?

Time to tip the scales!

[Nuclear Unicorn]

21. Just be you.

I kid, I kid.

[Nuclear Unicorn]

20. wow...how is NyQuil NOT registered as a date-rape drug?

I *think* I zonked out sometime around 5 last night. I woke-up just after 3am with hubby snoring next to me, the TV still on. I went to the kitchen to get something to eat and saw he had brought home tomato bisque and grilled sandwhiches (chicken, ham, cheese and -- pickles?!?! Hey, it works.) from one of those franchises masquerading as a NY deli. I warmed it up in the nuker which unfortunately woke-up mah manz but we had a very late dinner together.

Less than half an hour later I was asleep again in his arms. I feel like one of those animals you see on a nature show after they get shot with the tranquilizer gun.

[KamaAina]

22. Are you planning to stay in the GOP race?

[Nuclear Unicorn]

23. According to national polling data

which included my dad and -- well, pretty much only my dad -- I'd make an excellent candidate. I figure with 1:300,000,000,000 of the US popular vote I have a chance for an 11th-hour victory.

My campaign slogan is, "Optomism. It should work this time."

Now, in the interest of full disclosure I have had "youthful indiscretions" and I have another one penciled-in for Saturday night. Hopefully, that doesn't diminish your support for my candidacy.

[KamaAina]

24. Oh, now I get it. You're really angling to be Colbert's running mate.

[MiddleFingerMom]

25. "I'm sick, diseased, plague-ridden and fairly loathesome -- ask me anything."

.
.
.
Mr.Jagger?
.
.
.

[Nuclear Unicorn]

26. .

Only if the kangroo can drive.