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Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsHelp, a friend's daughter died on RR tracks
They both attended my daughter's wedding in Lubbock TX two years ago; I attended the daughter's wedding 3 months ago in Marfa, TX. I told her I love her, will be there for her (I'm in southern New Mexico) anytime and that my porch, which she recently 'lived' in for 3 weeks when she wanted to get away, was hers. I send loving prayers & good vibes of comfort, but really, what can I say? What can I do? I can't sleep. Please, DU friends, what has ever helped you when there is no such thing as help?
"Melaney Parker Rayburn, age 27, was struck and killed by a train early Thursday morning (August 8), near Russell Street in Marfa. She was living and working in Marfa. She has family throughout West Texas, and earlier this summer she married John Rayburn in Alpine at Kokernot Lodge.
Tom Michael of KRTS spoke with Robert Halpern of the Big Bend Sentinel, who reported on the incident, and with Raquel Espinoza, a spokesperson for the Union Pacific Railroad. The company said the engineer, operating an eastbound freight train, sounded the train horn. The railroad has opened an investigation, and so has local law enforcement. Audio from this report is attached above.
Melaney graduated with honors from the University of Chicago, in 2008, with a degree in sociology. According to family members, she was most proud of her service in the U.S. Peace Corps, from 2008 to 2010, because she was able to serve her country. When she returned to the area in 2011, she worked as a tutor for Karen Bernsteins son, Mateo. Bernstein said, With a sociology degree from the University of Chicago she was obviously way over-qualified to be a tutor for Mateo, but there was never a hint of displeasure or frustration.
http://marfapublicradio.org/blog/woman-in-marfa-struck-and-killed-by-train-thursday-morning/
CaliforniaPeggy
(149,593 posts)What a terrible way to die.
There isn't much you can do. Just be sure the family knows you are there to help in any way possible...Meals, shopping, anything.
I am so very sorry.
applegrove
(118,622 posts)duhneece
(4,112 posts)They really do make me feel better. It IS an exceptionally horrible way to think of anyone dying.
mrmpa
(4,033 posts)to guide those who need you, to your home.
duhneece
(4,112 posts)makes me so grateful for you that I really can't express it, but I can say, "thank you"
mrmpa
(4,033 posts)please take care.
Locut0s
(6,154 posts)That's utterly horrible. Sadly there's little you can do except what others here have suggested. Be there for them and support them emotionally. All that can really help in a case like this is time, as painful and callous as that might sound. Hugs and vibes being sent your way!
One note I will add. As difficult as it may be, and as cold as it may sound, try not to get too pulled into this yourself emotionally. You have to look after yourself here too! I know you are very very distraught and saddened by the event, as you should be. But be careful of letting the disaster become yours as well as theirs. Otherwise you will end up harming yourself more than is necessary!
duhneece
(4,112 posts)As an acknowledged recovering codependent, I needed to hear that about not getting too pulled into it emotionally. Balance, healthy balance is what I am striving for. I keep repeating a Ken Keyes Jr pathway" I feel with loving compassion the problems of others without getting caught up in predicaments that are offering them messages they need for their own growth."
I do feel like the ground was pulled out from beneath me.
pinboy3niner
(53,339 posts)I think you've known loss before, and you know what you do is put one foot in front of the other and go on. Mental health resources can be a big help, as can having a strong support system of friends and family and spiritual counselors and whatever else you find helpful in difficult tmes.
We get by with the help of our friends.
duhneece
(4,112 posts)I see 'my' counselor this week and I appreciate your words. Thank you.
duhneece
(4,112 posts)And go home for awhile (no internet). I am amazed at how much my DUer's support has touched me. I'll never forget it.
In_The_Wind
(72,300 posts)magical thyme
(14,881 posts)Tuesday Afternoon
(56,912 posts)May John find some comfort in his memories of his loving wife and friend.
May your porch always be there and available in loving honor and tribute to Melaney and a life well lived.
May the circle be unbroken.
duhneece
(4,112 posts)Thank you.
libodem
(19,288 posts)riderinthestorm
(23,272 posts)duhneece
(4,112 posts)Kind word, caring means a lot when I'm hurting and I just thank you all.
tinagreen
(1 post)Hello,
I was struck by this story; I'm a Texas resident, though reside in the east. The story of her 'lying' on the tracks sounds so odd. I wonder if there is some criminal negligence or? I read that the police are investigating. I hope to learn more about this case as I hope that there are clearer answers or reasons for her being on the tracks.
Thanks and my condolences to her and her family.
-Tina Green
duhneece
(4,112 posts)I now believe it was suicide by train. Her mother's words have lifted me up, which seems so back-assward 'cause I have that feeling I should be lifting her up. I hope they lift you, too, I hope they lift up all who read them. This is what Liz, her mama wrote:
LIFE. WORDS. MUSIC.
I am humbled.
She rode into the sunset on the tail of the Comet Swift-Tuttle. As her memorial service ended and the crowd had barely begun to move themselves, a glowing light appeared rising from the sunset and continu...ed far into the east. It was something that no one had ever seen, like a tower of light, a cloud so vast that it traveled beyond the earth's atmosphere towards the sun.
The days since she passed have had cool breezes that blow short showers through the landscape, leaving rainbows all over the countryside. Everyone has remarked about it. And then last night as the memorial service ended, the beautiful sunset was suddenly over and a wide band of light appeared from the sunset. The earth was passing by the tail of the Comet Swift-Tuttle, which creates the Pleiades meteor showers in August. It last passed near the Earth in 1992, and is expected to be seen again in 2125.
Of course she would leave on the tail of a comet, she was always an overachiever. I have thought that she was saying, "This is what I can do in my cosmic form." I have thought that she was needed elsewhere, regardless of our wishes here in this life. She had to go, as my son said, because her beautiful soul was needed on a galactic mission, perhaps in another realm. You could believe that of Melaney.
The moment could not have been all coincidence. Everyone has been grieving here, and at that moment, everyone's hearts were lifted. There was too much magic. Bill started talking about it to me in Fort Davis and sounded more shaken by it than he wanted to be.
Her husband, John, is comforted. Maybe she felt she had to knock us over the head with a miracle, or more likely, a rare scientific event, so we might understand she was sending us a sign as loud as she could. She was heading off to the stars.
But I am still numb. And I miss her.See More