Tom Swifties

[Scuba]

Remember these? Can you please add yours?


"I'm dying", Tom croaked.

"I've never had sex with a barnyard animal", Tom said sheepishly.

"I spilled sugar on myself", Tom said sweetly.

"Sulfuric", Tom answered acidly.

"If A equals B and B equals C, then A must equal C", Tom said reasonably.


C'mon DUers, I just know you're gonna think of a lot of these, Scuba said imaginatively.

[Ptah]

1. That is not a bull, Tom uddered.

[Scuba]

3. Snort.

[cyberswede]

2. "Want some coffee?" Tom asked perkily.

[Scuba]

4. "Had too much already", Tom replied shakily.

[cyberswede]

5. "I need a flashlight," Tom said darkly.

[Scuba]

6. "Here ya go", Tom replied brightly.

[LiberalEsto]

7. "Pass the Gas-X," Tom fumed.

"I lost my umbrella," Tom said damply.

"That dog's a Heinz-57," Tom muttered.

"More champagne?" Tom bubbled.

[Scuba]

8. Those are swell, Scuba said inflatedly.

[LiberalEsto]

9. Been doing Swifties for decades,

LiberalEsto said creakily. Thank you!

"Pass the parmesan cheese," Tom said gratefully.

[Aristus]

10. "For gosh sakes, stay away from that crucible!" Tom ordered heatedly.

[pinboy3niner]

11. "You should see my rooster," Tom said cockily.

[charlie and algernon]

12. "The water is freezing", Tom said icily.

[pinboy3niner]

13. "I miss the card games we used to play," Tom said wistfully.

[cyberswede]

14. "I feel so empty," said Tom vacuously.

[KamaAina]

15. "Lemon", Tom said tartly.

[KamaAina]

16. "Damn train's late!", Tom railed.

[pinboy3niner]

17. "I'd rather stick a pencil in my eye," Tom said pointedly.

[LeftofObama]

18. ....

"Please fill my shot glass again", Tom replied.

[pinboy3niner]

19. "I feel like I'm going crazy," Tom snapped.

[mysuzuki2]

20. I'm a republican, Tom said stupidly.

[Scuba]

27. Thread winner.

[LNM]

57. HaHaHaHa. That's great!

[mysuzuki2]

70. I'm coming sweetheart, Tom spurted.

[Scuba]

80. Bwahahahaha.

[mysuzuki2]

21. Leave my dog alone, Tom growled.

[Scuba]

42. "That's a dogwood tree", Tom barked.

[pinboy3niner]

22. "You're fired!" Tom said dismissively.

[Scuba]

28. Excellent.

[Ron Obvious]

23. "I've dropped my toothpaste", Tom said crest-fallen

"Oh come all ye faithful!", Tom ejaculated.

[LeftofObama]

24. ROFLMAO!

Now those are DUzy's right there!

[Scuba]

29. Terrific.

[MiddleFingerMom]

25. "This is too hard!!!", Tom spat out.

[Scuba]

31. "And this is too soft", Tommasina said disappointedly.

[MiddleFingerMom]

43. "And this is j-u-s-s-s-t right", Tom said pleasingly.

[Graybeard]

26. 'I will act in Syria', Obama said strikingly.

[Scuba]

30. Ouch.

[mysuzuki2]

32. I love game shows, Tom said quizically.

[Scuba]

34. "But I'm just so-so at Jeopardy", Tom trivialized.

[KamaAina]

33. "This is great Ecstasy!", Tom raved.

[Scuba]

36. I don't remember that one from when I was a kid, but I love it!

[KamaAina]

37. I'm just making mine up as I go along.

I don't even think there was Ecstasy when I was a kid. Not until I was a teenager.

[Scuba]

39. Me either, but there was no disco either, so it was worth it.

[pinboy3niner]

35. "This camping trip is great," Tom said intently.

[Scuba]

38. "Let's start the fire. I'll gather some kindling", Tom said woodenly.

[pinboy3niner]

40. "Gimme some more o' them campfire beans," Tom boomed.

[LNM]

59. "I love beans!", Tom reported.

[pinboy3niner]

41. "Needs more lemon," Tom said zestily.

[MiddleFingerMom]

46. "Life's already given me far too many lemons", Tom said sourly.

[pinboy3niner]

47. "I made lemonade but I was out of sugar," Tom said bitterly.

[mysuzuki2]

44. I think I put too much detergent in the dishwasher, Tom bubbled.

[mysuzuki2]

45. Do you have any WD40, Tom squeaked.

[pinboy3niner]

48. "Thanks, but I prefer to sit in the rear of the boat," Tom said sternly.

[Scuba]

51. Excellent.

[MiddleFingerMom]

49. "Oh my, excuse me", Tom repeated.

[MiddleFingerMom]

50. $100 for a good time with a hottie with a six-pack, mister?", Tom asked abhorrently.

[Scuba]

53. Bwahahahaha.

[pinboy3niner]

52. "I aced the Friday Afternoon Challenge," Tom said artfully. :)

[Scuba]

54. Bonus points for the DU reference.

[LiberalEsto]

55. "Why am I always the designated driver?"

Tom asked soberly.

"I think I swallowed my tongue stud," Tom said piercingly.

"Never again will I drink beer, brandy and vodka all on the same evening," Tom said wretchedly.

"I sure could eat another chili dog," Tom said frankly.

"Pass the Pepto-Bismol," Tom griped.

"It's time for my daily enema," Tom declared fleetingly.

[pinboy3niner]

56. "Archimedes was a mathematical genius," Tom said constantly.

[Callmecrazy]

58. "This is some really good weed!" Tom buzzed.

[pinboy3niner]

60. "What we have here is a failure to communicate," Tom mumbled.

[Tom Ripley]

61. "They really aren't our kind of people", Tom said waspishly.

[pinboy3niner]

62. "This is for the birds," Tom warbled.

[pinboy3niner]

63. "Stop! In the Name of Love," Tom said supremely.

[Scuba]

65. Don't stop, please.

[pinboy3niner]

67. "I'm gonna milk this thread for all it's worth," Tom said cowardly.

[pinboy3niner]

64. "I find the Sanskrit mantra very soothing," Tom said ominously.

[panader0]

66. "I've got a ribbon around my arm" said Tom with abandon

[pinboy3niner]

68. Excellent!

[Scuba]

69. Superb!

[panader0]

71. Gotta admit-I binged Tom Swifties and that came up.

I was Just sooo jealous of all your good ones, Scuba and Pinboy

[mysuzuki2]

72. I think the car is running out of gas, Tom sputtered.

[mysuzuki2]

73. I love decorating the Christmas tree, Tom opined.

[mysuzuki2]

74. Those sheep are making too much noise, Tom bleated.

[pinboy3niner]

75. "I have a terrible memory for lyrics," Tom hummed.

[Scuba]

77. Great!

[mysuzuki2]

76. Darling, will you marry me? Tom asked engagingly.

[Scuba]

78. Don't stop, don't ever stop.

[pinboy3niner]

79. "This Big Sur trophy a huge honor," Tom said with surprise.

[panader0]

81. "Let me plug that in!" Tom said powerfully.

[pinboy3niner]

82. "Who goes there?" Sergeant Tom asked haltingly.

[rurallib]

83. "I'll come back to this later" Tom said procrastinatingly

i mean I will come back and read this later.

[pinboy3niner]

84. "I'm filing a countersuit," Tom retorted.

[pinboy3niner]

85. "Walk--don't run," Tom ventured. ...

It's an old reference...

[Scuba]

87. ...

[pinboy3niner]

86. "I'll have the chicken without the pilaf," Tom said derisively.

[cyberswede]

88. "Keep digging," Tom said gravely.

(thanks to this post: http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018467512)

[noamnety]

89. From Tom's younger brother:

"Voting is a waste of time," Chad said punchily.