Should I go to this funeral visitation?

[ButterflyBlood]

One of the most beloved supervisors at my job passed away on Monday after suffering from liver cancer and being on leave for a couple months (he had shown up a couple times in the last few months but was never strong enough to work a full day), leaving a pretty tragic situation at hand, he died at 28, his wife is now a 27-year old widow and it was just a week after their son's second birthday. In fact based on the journal his wife was writing it seems they were planning to go to Disney World this week and said they were still planning on it as recently as last week.

I get the impression the visitation hours are put in to accommodate a lot of the employees here, there's one Friday afternoon (can't go, work), and one Saturday morning that would be right before my shift. I wasn't on his team and never worked with him very closely though we did some things together, and I don't really know any of his family, though I imagine a lot of my colleagues will also be around.

Right now I'm leaning toward going. It's 10-11AM, my shift starts at noon, and the funeral home is quite close to my workplace.

[rug]

1. If you liked him, go. If you didn't know him, make room for those who did.

[Major Nikon]

2. Only if you think it will help you personally

My experience with such things is that these types of visitations are set up for friends and family members who might not have a chance to see the deceased any other way. Close family members usually have their own visitation times and usually don't show up for the public viewing.

So you probably aren't really going to do much towards consoling the family other than signing the register and that's if they choose to read it. Unless the family knows you they probably aren't going to recognize your name anyway. It's a polite gesture, but if you really have no interest in viewing the body you are probably better off sending a card to the family with a handwritten note explaining how you will miss this person. I've done this many times. I've been in that situation and I appreciated such things.

[mimi85]

5. I agree with you.

I've been to far too many family memorial services in my life. I gave the eulogy at my sister's service (car accident) at the request of my brother-in-law. There must have been close to 500 people there and I was sure I'd faint or do something totally off the wall. It must have gone well as there was hardly a dry eye in the house. I looked upon it as sort of a cathartic reaction; I had no idea that my words would mean anything.

I remember the moment when my BIL called me to tell me the news of my sister's passing. Ha, I was watching some political stuff on TV as this was in October of 2000 - election time.

It was one of those "I remember" moments like JFK being killed or even Elvis' or John's death. My BIL wanted me to go to the hospital to see her (her body anyway, I don't believe for one minute she was still present and I'm far from religious). He said she had all internal injuries and she looked just like herself. I firmly said no as I had seen her the last time just a week before at my granddaughter's first birthday and that memory is the one I still carry with me to this day.

I also made a vow that I would never go to another service for anyone, even my own family (what's left of it), much less an acquaintance. That being said, take Major Nikon's words to heart, I think he is exactly right.

Although the bottom line is to look inside yourself for a minute or two and go with the answer you find there. And do what feels right.

[hrmjustin]

3. I would say go. You only have to stay a few moments to pay your respects.

[struggle4progress]

4. If you liked him, his wife might want to hear it

[Jenoch]

6. I think you should go.

It sounds like it's not inconvenient to go and you liked the guy. Tell his wife that you liked him. She needs all the support she can get right now. It would probably make you feel good to go as well.