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Locut0s

(6,154 posts)
Tue Dec 24, 2013, 07:53 PM Dec 2013

Would you consider it rude to never cash cheques given to you as a present?

For years my grandfather has been giving out money and cheques to the grand kids at Christmas time. Years ago we would always cash them but as the years have gone by, we have grown up, and his finances have dwindled we started to not cash them. He still gives them out every year and we thank him greatly for the money but it's been years since I've actually cashed one. I always shred them. Again the reason is his finances are low and he can't really afford to be giving out too much. Though come to think of it, he probably can afford the amount he does give out. The reasoning behind not cashing them is well meaning but it's occurred to me that it could be taken as a rude gesture as well. How would you feel?

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Would you consider it rude to never cash cheques given to you as a present? (Original Post) Locut0s Dec 2013 OP
It's a tough one. I'd hate for him to not know the money is available to him. arcane1 Dec 2013 #1
Accept the gift Tobin S. Dec 2013 #2
You're probably right, thanks... Locut0s Dec 2013 #4
Sorry if I sounded a bit harsh Tobin S. Dec 2013 #5
Accept the gift, allow him to give to you. Maybe you can spend it on him if uppityperson Dec 2013 #3
For all the fluff - which we need to make life easier! - you come up with some IrishAyes Dec 2013 #6
Wow, thanks the wonderful reply!... Locut0s Dec 2013 #7
I agree with the other posters that said accept his gift. Incitatus Dec 2013 #8
Save the money and get him something nice. nt rrneck Dec 2013 #9
 

arcane1

(38,613 posts)
1. It's a tough one. I'd hate for him to not know the money is available to him.
Tue Dec 24, 2013, 07:58 PM
Dec 2013

But I also hate saying no to gifts. I get gift cards from my aunt every year, for restaurants and movie theater chains that don't even exist where I live. I quietly send them to my niece.

This was a plot in Seinfeld, by the way

Tobin S.

(10,418 posts)
2. Accept the gift
Tue Dec 24, 2013, 08:05 PM
Dec 2013

You seem to think you know what's better for him than he does. Unless that's based on any direct knowledge of his finances, you're cheating both yourself and him.

Locut0s

(6,154 posts)
4. You're probably right, thanks...
Tue Dec 24, 2013, 08:34 PM
Dec 2013

Though I believe my other cousins do the same as I've been doing. I agree with what you said though. Been eyeing a game or two I'd like to get anyway

Tobin S.

(10,418 posts)
5. Sorry if I sounded a bit harsh
Tue Dec 24, 2013, 08:42 PM
Dec 2013

Your gramps wants you to have that gift. He probably knows what he's doing.

uppityperson

(115,677 posts)
3. Accept the gift, allow him to give to you. Maybe you can spend it on him if
Tue Dec 24, 2013, 08:27 PM
Dec 2013

you feel he really needs it or could use it or just to give it back.

IrishAyes

(6,151 posts)
6. For all the fluff - which we need to make life easier! - you come up with some
Tue Dec 24, 2013, 08:57 PM
Dec 2013

awfully good subjects.

How old is Granddad? Is it possible he's ever so slightly unaware? I mean, does he do his own bookkeeping, and that well? If not, certainly no harm. You used to cash them and he might assume you still do. If he's all there, he might be still sending $ in hopes you'll take it, although perhaps the tiniest bit relieved when you don't if he's overextending himself and knows it.

If you ever feel the need to cash one of those checks, for one thing the grandkids could coordinate and each (if any) do so on a different month so they don't all hit close together. Also, if it absolutely must be cashed to save his feelings, spend it on something practical for him that will relieve his monthly expenses. Maybe buy him a couple tanks of gas for the car if he still drives. Or go grocery shopping with him and pay the bill. Stuff like that.

If that upsets him, last ditch effort tell him you spent his gift $ on something lavish for yourself even though you didn't. Make it something he can't or won't think to verify. Then he won't feel unmanned.

My wish for you in the New Year is that you can get on some good meds or whatever your individual medical situation needs; because you have so much to offer the world, and selfishly speaking on behalf of others, it's a shame to see such a fine resource go untapped. Not to mention I believe you deserve a happy life yourself.

Locut0s

(6,154 posts)
7. Wow, thanks the wonderful reply!...
Tue Dec 24, 2013, 09:29 PM
Dec 2013

Yeah it's more than a little likely he's unaware. His finances are actually handled largely by one of my Uncles. From what I know I don't think he's actually in any bad way. He may indeed think we still cash them. He's in his early 90s but for someone of that age is still very sharp. He's been sharp as a tack for most of his elderly years but of late he's noticeably been going down hill. He's been dealing with a slow but terminal cancer diagnosis for many years now. He had colorectal cancer in his 70s which they removed through surgery, he now has prostate cancer. Amazing how he's soldiered on though, you would not believe it to see him. He's had an amazing life. Grew up on a farm in the 20s, served in the army, became a successful salesman, raised 4 kids, and more. He's been well loved and taken care of by his 4 sons over the years. He's extremely proud of what he's accomplished, and deservedly so, though if you are around him long enough you might want to tape your ears shut eventually at all the stories he likes to tell with him as the central star One of my uncles who lives near him and does the most for him (they invite him over all the time, they go golfing and more) has sort of learned to tune him out while still trying to be with him a lot

He's not the type you would normally go grocery shopping with, and he would never let you pay a bill of his in a thousand years, he's FAR FAR too prideful for that. Frankly he's grown up with very conservative values and while he's mellowed over the years he still thinks of himself as something of a Marlboro Man and looks up to all those conservative values. He even forwards those annoying racist, right wingnut mass emails that make the rounds, which is interesting cause some of the stuff in those emails he would never say publicly any more, but one gets the feeling he agrees with them. I just delete them.

Thanks for the wonderful kind words! I've actually gone off the meds I've been on in the past and I'm trying just talk therapy with a psychologist. I may or may not try meds again in the future we will see. Bit of an emotional yo-yo from the withdrawal at the moment, along with other side effects. In the past they have done little but to flatten me out emotionally. They removed the top and bottom of my emotional spectrum. I didn't feel suicidally depressed but nor did I ever really feel happy. And they never spurred me to tackle the issues at the heat of the matter. It's too early to say how things will work out but I've made some progress. This will likely be a process that takes several years, and ultimately aspects of it will be life long. So I can't be too impatient. Small steps and try not to let the inevitable setbacks swamp you. 5 steps forward and 4 back is still 1 step forward

Incitatus

(5,317 posts)
8. I agree with the other posters that said accept his gift.
Tue Dec 24, 2013, 10:16 PM
Dec 2013

You can always give something of greater value that he could use in return.

If he gives you a check for X amount, you give him something he needs that is worth X + Y.

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