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Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsThe Onion: "New Study Finds Only 88% Of Guitar Center Customers Become Famous Musicians"
New Study Finds Only 88% Of Guitar Center Customers Become Famous Musicians
http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-study-finds-only-88-of-guitar-center-customers,35227/
WESTLAKE VILLAGE, CAContradicting conventional wisdom that shopping at the musical instrument retail chain guarantees one a renowned and highly successful career in music, a new study released Monday revealed that a mere 88 percent of Guitar Center customers go on to become famous musicians. While these findings may surprise anyone who has ever watched a Guitar Center customer noodle around on a Martin that is well out of their price range or play a slightly off-key rendition of Joe Satrianis Surfing With The Alien through a Marshall practice amp, our data indicate that as many as 12 percent of these individuals will never make it big, the study read, adding that though music executives regularly prowl the stores aisles, scrutinizing the deafening clamor of 20 guitars being played simultaneously in hopes of finding the next Eric Clapton or Steve Vai, the reality is that an alarming 1 out of 10 patrons of the music equipment superstore nationwide manage to fall through the cracks. Granted, most of these individuals still achieve modest success, putting out a couple of solid albums and attracting a strong regional following, but they just never quite reach the level where theyre selling out stadiums night after night on massive world tours. The study went on to conclude that every one of Guitar Centers customers would almost certainly become international music celebrities if they started buying the most expensive kind of strings.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-study-finds-only-88-of-guitar-center-customers,35227/
WESTLAKE VILLAGE, CAContradicting conventional wisdom that shopping at the musical instrument retail chain guarantees one a renowned and highly successful career in music, a new study released Monday revealed that a mere 88 percent of Guitar Center customers go on to become famous musicians. While these findings may surprise anyone who has ever watched a Guitar Center customer noodle around on a Martin that is well out of their price range or play a slightly off-key rendition of Joe Satrianis Surfing With The Alien through a Marshall practice amp, our data indicate that as many as 12 percent of these individuals will never make it big, the study read, adding that though music executives regularly prowl the stores aisles, scrutinizing the deafening clamor of 20 guitars being played simultaneously in hopes of finding the next Eric Clapton or Steve Vai, the reality is that an alarming 1 out of 10 patrons of the music equipment superstore nationwide manage to fall through the cracks. Granted, most of these individuals still achieve modest success, putting out a couple of solid albums and attracting a strong regional following, but they just never quite reach the level where theyre selling out stadiums night after night on massive world tours. The study went on to conclude that every one of Guitar Centers customers would almost certainly become international music celebrities if they started buying the most expensive kind of strings.
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The Onion: "New Study Finds Only 88% Of Guitar Center Customers Become Famous Musicians" (Original Post)
Miles Archer
Feb 2014
OP
Hoyt
(54,770 posts)1. I'm in the 12%, but I did write/play a song that ticked off the george war bush supporters I know
back before 2004 elections. Music is fun, whether or not you make enough to pay for your instruments.
Joe Shlabotnik
(5,604 posts)2. Growing up,
there was only one serious music store in town. Walter Ostenek's. 3 time Grammy winner for Polka music. Walt may have been a bit square, but without him there never would have been Neil Peart.
Scuba
(53,475 posts)3. It's worse than that. Most (more than 50%) don't even get the girl!