What do you call two crows on a branch?

[dixiegrrrrl]

Attempted murder.

ok...your turn....clever jokes welcome.

[PoliticAverse]

1. What do you call 3 alligators scampering through a church?...

A running congregation.

[sarge43]

2. What do you call 30 owls in the British House of Lords?

A quorum

[pinboy3niner]

3. What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary?

A thesaurus.

[Brother Buzz]

4. What do you call the team of rhinoceros bobsledders at Sochi?

A crash

[raven mad]

5. What do you call 5 dogs in your cabin?

A sled dog team.

What do you call a group of politicians in the same place?

Lobbyists.

[geardaddy]

6. What do you call a group of whales

with with narcissistic tendencies?

An I-pod

[Boom Sound 416]

13. Finalist!

[geardaddy]

32. Thanks!

[dixiegrrrrl]

7. A TCP packet walks into a bar,

and says to the barman: “Hello, I’d like a beer.”
The barman replies: “Hello, you’d like a beer?”
“Yes,” replies the TCP packet, “I’d like a beer.”

[Paulie]

16. What a synful joke!

I want to ack out a lung.

[dixiegrrrrl]

17. *hee hee*

[benld74]

8. Massachusetts Highway Department finds hundres of dead crows on the Massachusett highway

Thinking it may be a terrorist attack of some kind they call in Home Land Security. HLS can find nothing out of the ordinary upon completing the autopsies of the dead crows. HLS however, calls in a noted crow orinthologist. He inspects every single crow, and all he can find it different colored paint on the crows beaks and claws.
Massachusetts Highway Department contacts paint identification experts to identify the types of paint. The paint experts conclude the paint comes from trucks and only trucks.
Upon hearing this bit of information, the orinthologist concludes the following:
Since crows are very smart animals, they usually post sentries as lookouts when they are feeding. When sentry crows sense approaching danger they alert the flock, CAW, CAW, CAW.
Apparently crows do not know the word for an approaching truck.
Rimshot.

[geardaddy]

33. Haha!

Love it!

[Rowdyboy]

9. What do you call 30 hissing possums in a barn?

The Mississippi State legislature!

(courtesy of SNL)

[dixiegrrrrl]

10. A programmer’s wife tells him:

“Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.”
.
.
.
The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.

(If you lived with Mr. Dixie, you would know this is true..... )

[Boom Sound 416]

14. Finalist!

[Jenoch]

11. What do you call a dozen Republicans in a basement?

A whine cellar.

[Boom Sound 416]

15. Favorite to win

[Rochester]

12. How do you define "gross mismanagement"?

144 Republicans.

[dixiegrrrrl]

18. Not even a joke, is it?

What do you call 24 skydiving Republicans?
.
.
.
.
Skeet

[Lost_Count]

19. A terribly racist Disney stereotype...

[edbermac]

20. What do you call a hippy’s wife?

Mississippi.

[dixiegrrrrl]

23. I like that .....

[A HERETIC I AM]

21. What do you do with an Elephant with 3 balls?

Walk him and pitch to the Rhino

[Tuesday Afternoon]

22. heh

Love a baseball joke, I do.

[pinboy3niner]

29. Baseball in heaven

An oldie but a goodie...

Two old men, Abe and Sol, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball. Abe turns to Sol and asks, "Do you think there's baseball in Heaven?"

Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal -- if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in Heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."

They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on. Soon afterward, Sol sits in the park feeding the pigeons by himself and hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol... ."

Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"

"Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe's ghost.

Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in Heaven?"

"Well," says Abe, "I've got good news and bad news."

"Gimme the good news first," says Sol.

Abe says, "Well, there IS baseball in Heaven."

Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that?"

Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."


http://www.jokes.com/funny-dark-humor/daqlkv/baseball-in-heaven

[Tuesday Afternoon]

30. ha! good one ...

what we need is a joke that combines bacon and baseball.

cos ... you know ...

bacon
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

makes everything better.

[B Calm]

25. Heckle and Jeckle

[MrMickeysMom]

26. How bout this one, dixiegrrrrl….?

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the “P” is silent.

[dixiegrrrrl]

27. You made me splutter into my coffee...

I like it...it has just the right amount of ...*groan*

can hardly wait for Mr. Dixie to pour his coffee....hee hee.

[rurallib]

28. from my brother yesterday

Government surveyors came to Ole's farm in the fall and asked if they could do some surveying.
Ole agreed, and Lena even served them a nice meal at noon time.

The next spring, the two surveyors stopped by and told Ole, "Because you were so kind to us, we wanted to give you this bad news in person instead of by letter."

Ole replied, "What's the bad news?"

The surveyors stated, "Well, after our work here,
we discovered your farm is not in Minnesota but is actually in Iowa!"


Ole looked at Lena and said,
"That's the best news I have heard in a long time.
I just told Lena this morning that I don't think I can take another winter in Minnesota."

[dixiegrrrrl]

31. lol.....

I have to laugh, because Ihave friend in Iowa and at one point a few weeks ago her temperatures were warmer than mine!!!