a needed rant... Some people are just rude!
Yes, my wife is fat She will be the first to tell you. She does need to loose weight. She has been fat all her life and some of it has to be her body reaction to food, her upbringing and well the foods at hand. Given a choice my wife will pick the healthy choice 90% of the time (Let's face it we all crave and desire foods that are not that good for us.) and if we had the chance for better food our house would have the perfect foods in here.
BUT Last week was our cat Brody's surgery and that took more money than we thought. (no problem, a small hump and we will be back on our feet again.) Plus my wife had more time off from work than normal. This would have been a week my wife would have had Grand Jury so her workplace automatically schedule her off for the three days the panel may convene. BUT with the cat surgery and her mother falling and probably cracked a rib or two ( They can't find the crack on x-rays but thankfully no damage to the lungs.) She has been needing our help. So my wife asked and got excused do 3 days of work gone as well as a 4th day because it was her mother's birthday and well her sister came in and they spent some time with their mother who turned 75.
So my wife gets paid weekly and this week was the pay for that short week. Between paying our cell phone bill, getting litter for the cats and soft food especially for brody who is having issues eating the hard food at the moment BUT CAT forbid we give Brody soft food and not the other two MOJOs-Smokey and Snowy-soft food, not going to happen. So we get food for the cats I put gas in my car we are basically down to $30 dollars. We get day old bread from the bread shop jar of peanut butter and a couple other food stuff what is left is $10 for my wife's car for gas.
NOW here is the issue and the rant. Her "friend" text her Saying how she needs a ride here and there and can she please borrow $20 because her latest boyfriend stole her money and she needs something and cigs.
PLEASE understand we may not have much but we always try to help people out when we can. We aren't looking for a pat on the back but know that my wife has given her last 5 dollars to people who may need it more because we are in a "comfortable" place. We don't mind helping people out.
My wife said no for the first time in a long time and this "friend" goes off saying how fat and lazy my wife is and how she should drop dead of a heart attack. My wife would normally just let that go. Her feelings would be hurt but she wouldn't get too upset BUT "friend" now is blowing up her phone with texts saying how she is lazy and always eating fast food. Now here I will admit my wife and I had nothing to eat in the apartment this morning so we did go through a Mc D's for two breakfast sandwiches which were on sale 2 for $3 and allow us to get something to eat while we ran around to do what we needed to.
Yes, my wife -especially before this new place she was working at- my wife would have a budget of $5 for the week for lunch which meant $1 burger for lunch between clients. so this "friend" uses that knowledge as well as her sister seeing us going through drive Thur today and telling her, The "Friend" and she thinks we are holding out on her.
My people think we own them something I don't know.
But my wife who is a home health aid worked 48 hours this past week and this upcoming week she has been schedule 55 hours because the place she works at is short staffed and two workers are injured and can't work. NOW add to this some of her co-workers will call off last minute leaving the office to scramble to find workers not to mention her office claim people call off BUT in reality will not schedule someone for a shift and call my wife begging her to "fill-in". She does.
BUT I am sick and tired of people calling my wife fat or saying how she is lazy or that she just want to eat junk foods. It is rare but a couple clients will not allow her to eat food in their homes and sometimes the visits are just to help people shower for the day so there she is eating in her car.
Maybe if her job is given a little more respect and just maybe if some of her co-workers didn't live up to the stereotype of just sitting around "babysitting" to get a pay check MAYBE she might have a employer who actually will actually get the dignity of having a half hour for lunch.
So when we are in a tight spot and need to care for ourselves we shouldn't have to feel guilty.
Yes, I know I should tell "friend" this but "Friend" still works with a client my wife use to with an old company. My wife doesn't want to turn that old client against her and she knows "friend" can do just that.
Keep in mind this client has cats as well and on a fix income. My wife explained to me that the cats for the client are therapy. Anyways she helped the woman with the money to get one of these young cats fixed.
My wife on the few days off she gets a month and spend one day with that ex-client having a "movie" day and the client looks forward to it.
She isn't fat and lazy and I'm tired of people calling her that or telling her Just eat healthy...Listen my wife may only have $5 for the week to feed herself lunch and 9 times out of ten she comes home late at night makes a sandwich spends time with our cats and goes asleep just to do all over again the next day.
So before you snap to judge a fat person walk a 1/4th of a mile in their shoes. You might find there body is storing food.
Her body has always been in that mode--Her mother was a single mother trying to raise 2 girls on $20,000 and not being able to make ends meet and made too much to get food stamp help.
given a choice between a piece of fruit and a cookie guess what my wife will take that fruit. but when you have little choices you do what you have.
Thank you for letting me get that off my chest.
= new reply since forum marked as read
I should know, I've been really good at attracting them. The friend is so over the top with her behavior, I'd say she's an addict or a narcissist or some other personality disorder issue. Only those types of people lash out like that when they don't get what they want, and you don't need them in your life because they are more trouble than they are worth. Cut them out of your life. The stress relief is amazing. You don't owe an explanation. Your wife just has to be polite and nice and don't respond to the tantrum texting...make sure she keeps the texts by the way if they are that insulting...and ease this 'friend' out of your personal life gently. I don't know how to explain this - you will give the illusion you are still friends but you will have cut her out of the know...talk about nothing but trivial stuff with her. If she's how I think she is, she won't clue in. Keep the conversation centered on her...she'll probably forget all about any argument if she can talk about herself enough.
Not sure if I'm making myself clear there...I've dealt with toxic people like that and that is the best way to explain how to treat them. If you can't cut them out altogether, then you turn into a 'trivial stuff only' friend. Likely they'll never notice.
I'm sorry you guys are struggling. Things are tight for me, but not as bad as for you guys. I'm a single mom of 4, but I get really good spousal and child support from my ex. Still, it's a challenge to find healthy food for everyone while still dealing with unexpected money things like, oh, some implement on the road that I ran over (in the dark, never did see what it was) that destroyed all the hoses and pipes to my transmission cooling system and caused it to leak transmission fluid everywhere. That was a nice $400 car repair I didn't need. It means fewer healthy meals this month, unfortunately. And probably next month too.
I'm also fat - obese actually. I mostly eat healthy. I am in school full time and at lunch a lot of the 20-somethings are always saying to me, "Omg, you always eat SO healthy!" Like they half expect every fat person to be stuffing their face 24/7 with junk food. And when you DO eat junk food (for me, it's about once a month) the stares you get...wow.
Did you know it only takes an extra slice of bread/day to become obese over 10 years? People don't seem to understand that when you are raised on crappy food, and are genetically predisposed to insulin resistance, that you are hungry, always and that sometimes you do eat that extra slice of bread. Us fat people DON"T cram food into our mouths constantly.
I also get when you are rushed for time, and are short on money, it's nearly impossible to eat healthy even part of the time. You can be short on time and compensate by buying premade salads, or you can be short on money and buy dried beans to cook into a soup in 3 hours...but when you are short on both, options are slim. Plus, short on time means not much exercise. And for people like me, exercise usually means bulky muscle and not much weight loss. When I was a stay at home mom, I used to work out 2 hours/day and I was still obese. Even with eating healthy. My ex - the only thing he was EVER nice to me about was my weight - used to say he felt sorry for me, because I worked out so much he was shocked I wasn't totally skinny.
I especially hate the lazy label. People are so ignorant. Carrying around that extra weight while working as hard as everyone else is NOT easy. Some people are also just assholes. I have a lot of new friends I made through my divorce (I joined a support group) and everyone is always complementing me on going to school and raising 4 kids on my own, like I'm the opposite of lazy. Then I talk with my parents (both are narcissists) and all they can say (or imply) is how lazy I am, how much spare time I must have (because I'm at home a lot due to online courses...yeah, living it up reading textbooks for hours everyday) and why can't I get things done or why is my house messy, I must be SO lazy! (no, it would have nothing to do with a small house and *4* kids...it must me being lazy even though my mom couldn't keep up with the mess when we lived there and I would go to class...with HER it's because it's 4 kids, with ME it's because I'm fat and lazy. 
)
Anyway, give your wife a hug from me. I can relate to her struggles.
you sound like two hardworking and sincere people, whom (as others) have gone through a bunch of adversity lately, yet still emerge honorably as thoughtful, decent people. I don't have any answers for your rant, but I wish I knew you (two) as a couple in my community, because I'd think highly of both of you, and be honored to be your friends.
