My wife has been working A LOT of 45 to 55 hour work week and I think she is getting frustrated with

[diabeticman]

me and the whole situation. Granted all this extra money is coming in handy for Brody and his situation BUT I think I need to do something that will make my wife realize I understand all she is doing.

I'm terrible at cleaning the house.

I can't cook to save my life.

So what do you suggest I might do as a thank you for my wife for what she has been doing.

[ChisolmTrailDem]

1. Clean the house and cook her a nice dinner that's waiting for her when she gets home. nt

[TeeYiYi]

2. Seriously?...

"terrible at cleaning the house"... "can't cook"...

What do you think would be a good idea?

TYY

[TexasTowelie]

3. Any chance you start a garden?

It's a great way to get outside, particularly if you've been hibernating for awhile. It's a project that either of you can do alone when you need space away from each other, or can be done together.

Then there are the additional benefits of picking some produce and maybe grow some flowers.

I hope Brody is doing well.

[diabeticman]

16. Brody has been interesting. I will post an update. No place for a garden

[angstlessk]

4. Do a terrible job of cleaning the house

the effort will be appreciated...and cook a meal ..even from the microwave...show effort!

[LoveMyCali]

5. That's what I was thinking

showing effort is what will matter.

[sendero]

12. Yes..

.... if you cannot clean, time to learn. It's really not rocket science.

[marzipanni]

6. Here are some ideas

Look on the internet for cooking ideas for new cooks, with very complete instructions-here's one-
http://www.anymancancook.com/
Just look for something simple first.

Make a list of the ingredients to buy. Do you go grocery shopping, or does she, or do you usually go together?

You might find that you enjoy cooking!

If you have a bath tub, but both of you usually only use it for showers, scrub it with scouring powder or other cleaner for bathtubs, and rinse well. After dinner, during the evening, tell her you'll run a nice warm bath in the tub you cleaned just for her then she can go right to bed all warm and clean. Put your wrist in the water to make sure it's the right temperature.

I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you vacuumed a bit, or something that you can only do one way, so it doesn't have to be her way.
.

[grasswire]

7. how about this

A bag of salad mix and some dressing.

A box of pasta, boiled til you think it's done, and a jar of sauce, and some grated cheese.

A loaf of french bread.

An ice cream sundae.

Could you do that?

Or how about if you make her breakfast or pack her lunch?

You can cook. Anybody can cook.

[BainsBane]

8. You don't have to do it perfectly

You can make a sizable dent in the housework just by getting up and doing it. Even if you don't do the greatest job, you'll free up time for your wife. Find some easy recipes online and follow the directions. Search under recipes for beginning cooks. You can do it, and your wife will appreciate the effort.

[My Good Babushka]

9. You can learn to cook and clean

Do the laundry, too.

[UncleYoder]

10. How do you get better at cleaning the house?

Practice, baby, practice.

[magical thyme]

11. clean the effing house and cook a simple meal. No wonder she's frustrated.

Seriously, there is no "terrible at cleaning the house." You put stuff back where it belongs. Wash any/all dishes, let them drip dry while doing other housework and then put them away. Clean the sinks and toilet, bathroom mirror. Wipe dust off furniture. Sweep wood and linoleum floors; vacuum rugs. Empty trash as needed. Done.

Cooking: make something simple. Spaghetti -- bring a pot of water to boil, add spaghetti, let it boil until the spaghetti gets soft. Sample one piece -- as soon as it's "al dente" turn of the heat. Pour spaghetti into a strainer over the sink so water drips out. Add bottled spaghetti sauce. Done.

Salad -- put greens in strainer and run water through until greens are thoroughly rinsed. Let them sit in strainer so excess water can drip out. Wash a tomato and cut it into pieces into a bowl. Wash a pepper and cut it into pieces into the same bowl. Gently squeeze the excess water out of the greens and put them into the same bowl. Mix. Add bottled salad dressing...or, better yet, keep the dressing on the side and each add your own to taste. Done.

[marzipanni]

14. Homemade salad spinner: put greens in clean plastic bag with holes poked along bottom

gather the top of the bag, take it out the back door (or toward your enclosed tub, or shower) and give it some hearty shakes.

I made a hole in the corner of the plastic bag at the Safeway when the bulk mixed greens had just been sprayed by the automatic sprayer. I hooked the top of the bag on the edge of the shopping cart and let it drip slowly onto my cloth shopping bag as I shopped. I didn't want to pay the high price per pound for water!

[femmocrat]

18. That is a great idea.

I wrap mine in those paper towels that they have hanging over the produce cases. Then remove the soggy paper towels before going through the checkout.

I don't want to pay for water either!

[NJCher]

13. life partners are supposed to share day-to-day responsibilities

What you're essentially saying is she is not only bringing home the bacon, she's handling all the home responsibilities, too. That's just totally unacceptable and being "terrible" at something is no excuse.

You've essentially gotten your advance notice that she's not going to put up with it.

The last few posters have told you what you need to do, so I won't reiterate it.


Cher

[diabeticman]

22. I will do dishes when I can and the laundry. I work 40 hours a week too. I'm not a freeloader.

[My Good Babushka]

24. You left that out, that you are also working full-time

Then I think you are doing all you can. Get a crockpot and let it make dinner. It's super easy. Put anything in and come back in 8 hours.

[magical thyme]

25. OOOOOH....wait a minute! Minor detail. In that case:

If you have a few extra bucks, bring home takeout a couple times during the work week. Do a spaghetti or crock pot dinner one weekend dinner. Make sandwiches on a weekend day -- surely you can lay down a piece of bread, layer stuff on it (dressing, avocado slices, cheese slices, greens, tomato slices, cuke slices, etc), put a piece of bread on top and slice the whole thing in half, right? You don't need to cook from scratch all the time, either: canned soups with a sandwich. Surely you can make canned soups, right? I live alone and care for a farm with animals. If I'm too sick to do much else, I'll even just put half a can of tomato or chicken soup in a coffee mug, add milk or water, and microwave for 3 minutes.

Basic housework is easy. Once/week routine: Take dust cloth and run it over wood surfaces. Spritz any glass tabletops with window cleaner (vinegar & water works fine) and wipe off with paper towel. Sweep or dry mop wood floors; sweep or damp mop linoleum or tile floors; vacuum rugs. In the bathroom, get toothbrushes, etc. out of the way, sprinkle the sink with cleanser and wash it with designated sponge. Do same in the tub: sprinkle with cleanser and wash with designated sponge. Sprinkle cleanser in toilet and scrub with designated brush. If you get that much done once/week, and if she comes in after for additional deep cleaning that will be great and if not, things stay liveable.

Laundry: some people sort clothes by darks and lights, but I find stuff is very colorfast these days. some people sort clothes by heavy weight and light. Personally I quit sorting long ago: I have a load that is mixed underwear and socks and usually some towels, and in winter sweats, non-wool sweaters and turtlenecks in it (summer tees and other tops). Then I have a load that is sheets and maybe towels if my clothes load was extra full. And a load that is my comforter. Those are my basic 3 loads. Your mileage may vary.

[MissMillie]

15. make a homemade pizza

you can buy pre-made pizza shells. The cooking instructions will be on the package of the pizza shell.

Then just sauce (from a jar), cheese and your favorite toppings. (If you're going to use sausage or hamburg I recommend you at least partially cook those first. In fact, when I make my guy's favorite hamburg pizza, I cook the hamburg, onions and green peppers a little bit--don't dry the meat out--before putting them on the pizza.)

Salad greens from a bag and a bottle of salad dressing

Buy a pie at the store bakery.


And yes, you can do some housework without too much effort. Scrub the tub/shower, the bathroom sink, and the toilet (in that order). Run a mop over the bathroom floor (sweep it first). Take some glass cleaner to the mirror.

And vacuum the rugs.

[IdaBriggs]

17. Learn. Seriously.

Another DUer hooked me up with www.flylady.net and she rocks. And videos are available for pretty much any experience level of cook.

I am glad you want to do something nice for her. You probably didn't mean to sound unsupportive and lazy, but "she works, and I don't cook or clean" sounds like a great big weasel.

[diabeticman]

19. I do the laundry and dishes when I can but I work night shift 40 hours a week.

[NewJeffCT]

20. How about learning to clean the house?

It's not that hard to vacuum or sweep the floor, do some dusting, wash some dishes, do the laundry and put stuff away.

That's a start.

And, with cooking start with something simple.

[Vashta Nerada]

21. Learn how to clean and cook.

[Ino]

23. Oh, I bet you COULD cook to save your life.

What you mean is you won't cook to save your wife some trouble.

You're terrible at cleaning the house? A 12-year-old girl could clean the house, but you're just so terrible at it that it's better you don't even try?

What sort of suggestion are you looking for, pray tell?

[Vashta Nerada]

27. He doesn't actually want to do anything.

He just wants to create the illusion of doing something.

[Ino]

56. Yeah, that's what I thought.

He wants to do one thing one time to thank her. She can continue doing all the cleaning & cooking. Cuz he's just so very helpless, doncha know!

[mrmpa]

26. The easiest dinner you can make..........

Chicken breasts cooked in olive oil, served over pasta, wit salad & garlic bread.

1. Buy a bag of salad at the grocery store
2. Buy frozen garlic bread (cook according to instructions)
3. Buy skinless, boneless chicken breasts.
4. Buy a bag of angel hair pasta and cook according to directions on bag

Now to cook the chicken breasts

Put olive oil in a pan, probably 2-3 tablespoons, get it hot and put in the chicken breast, sprinkle the breasts and the olive oil with garlic salt. Begin by cooking chicken on each side for 2 minutes, then at 1 minute intervals until the center is no longer pink. You can slice into the chicken to check the color.

Serve the chicken over past, pouring some of the olive oil over the past and chicken.

If you're brave enough, you can add green peppers to the pan and cook with the chicken.

[RandySF]

28. I feel for you.

I'm a terrible cook, but when I was unemployed I put my energies into keeping the place neat and taking part in all of our son's school activities and homework. Now that the role are reversed and I am the only one working.....well, I'm still the one who keeps the place neat and helping with his homework. *sigh*

[diabeticman]

29. I am NOT unemployed. I work 40 hours a week. It amazes me how everyone assumed I was unemployed

all I was asking is that my wife is working 45 to 50 hours a week and I want to know what I can do to show her I appreciate her working additional hours I'm just terrible at cooking and cleaning and want to make her less frustrated and everyone assumed I am some sort of lazy slob.

[tavernier]

41. If she is working 40 + hours

AND doing all the cooking AND all the cleaning, then she is working two full time jobs, which would put you in the category of lazy slob (not to mention inconsiderate), if you are not sharing these chores 50/50 with her.

Sorry... "I'm terrible at" just don't cut it. It's a childish excuse. Drag out the vacuum cleaner and bite the bullet.

[auntAgonist]

46. READ the thread HE has a full time job too!! He just wants to do something nice for his wife n/t

[tavernier]

48. Yes, I did read it. He has one job, she has two.

Do something nice for her?? In the time it took to write the post, he could have made the bed.

[auntAgonist]

50. How do you know he didn't? I'm all for him helping around the house. Make no mistake. Yes,

do something nice for her. It sounds like they could use a quiet evening together. They seem to be under a lot of stress.

No, she doesn't have 2 jobs, she works outside the home at 1 job with over time. THEY share responsibility for the home. Therefore they each have 1.5 jobs.

He said he can't cook and sucks at cleaning. Practice is what he needs.

Judgemental attitudes by people on this thread don't help any.


aA

[Sweet Freedom]

30. My advice is...

Buy a pre-cooked chicken, a bag of Caesar salad, wine or champagne and some cheesecake from the bakery section at the grocery store. Mix the salad in a big bowl and stick it in the fridge to cool. Put the chicken in the microwave and cook for 7 minutes. Serve by candlelight. When finished with dinner, pour her a glass of wine or champagne, give her the cheesecake and a nice foot massage. Then, send her (with another glass of wine or champagne) to the tub for a nice hot bath while you do the dishes.

[diabeticman]

31. okay.

[bettyellen]

32. clean the house already. after spending 10 hors a week on that to even out your time, make sure you

do the dishes and laundry at least half the time. That would be just pulling your weight, right?

[texanwitch]

33. I have been reading this post and was not going to answer it.

It is not that hard to cook or clean.

Cooking can be very simple.

Housework isn't that hard either.

I hate to clean house but I do it.

Anything you try will be seen as a attempt by your wife to help out.

You can do it.

I am looking at this as a woman.

Give it your best shot.

[My Good Babushka]

34. Poor diabetic man

you should get a hug, everyone really jumped on you, and assumed that you weren't also working.
I hope anyone commenting reads this post and sees that you work nights and put in 40 hours a week. A man's gotta sleep sometimes!

[femmocrat]

36. I agree!

Could you work out a list of duties? That's what we do and it works for us. Best wishes, diabeticman!

[Gormy Cuss]

54. A woman's gotta sleep sometimes too.

He stated in the OP that he's bad at cooking and housework. Many suggested that he try to change that. Several gave concrete examples of how, like making a simple spaghetti dinner with a jar of sauce and a bagged salad. Sucking at cooking is not a permanent state. As for housework, washing the dishes is easy enough, as is dusting, vacuuming, sweeping and all can be done in short bursts of time, say 1/2 hour per day. The laundry takes more time but much of it is unattended time when one can do other things like watch TV. All of these household tasks can be done around a 40 hr work week.

[Generic Brad]

35. Tell her how much you appreciate her

Show her and tell her. There are other ways to express gratitude other than through cooking and cleaning.

[CTyankee]

37. How? To me that would mean paying someone to come and clean the house. Fine wiith me!

AS for cooking, who is going to do it if she can't and you won't?

[Generic Brad]

38. There are many ways

A hand written thank you note strategically placed where she is sure to find it. A short heartfelt video message where you thank her. If she is tactile - perhaps a massage? Surprise her with some cut flowers in a vase.

Whatever you do does not have to be expensive. Your gesture just has to be genuine and from your heart.

[CTyankee]

45. that's nice and actually should be what male and females do for their partner all the time.

I was thinking more practically. See my post #43 and to how hubby and I manage...it works well, even if it is more expensive.

[Earth_First]

39. Make a lunch to send off to work with your wife...

...include a simple message on a napkin on how much you appreciate your wife.

If your wife drinks coffee in the morning; have the coffee maker ready to press "ON" for her in the morning.

Start the car in the morning for her so it's warmed up before she heads out.

A bottle of wine and a bouquet of flowers on a Friday evening.

Just a few thoughts...

While they may not directly thank your wife; starting the day off with these small things helps one tackle the day ahead.

Good luck, friend.

Be well!

[Renew Deal]

40. Vacation

Something easy like a very expensive hotel room in a nearby big city. Make sure to include spa package and restaurants.

[Samantha]

42. Crank up the old crock pot

Simply Delicious Pork
1 and one-half pounds boneless pork loin cut into 6 pieces OR 6 boneless pork loin chops
4 medium Yellow Delicious applies, sliced (Yellow Delicious is important)
3 tablespoons of brown sugar
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
one-half teaspoon salt

Place pork in slow cooker. Cover with apples.

Combine brown sugar, cinnamon and salt in small bowl, sprinkle over apples. Cover. Cook on LOW 6 to 8 hours.

Put some flowers on the table along with the dinner, and watch a movie with your wife after the meal.

Sam

[CTyankee]

43. My husband and I are retired. He has had two spinal surgeries and now I have been

diagnosed with spinal arthritis. We've had to hire help with the heavy housework twice a month. In between we both do the smaller clean-ups...he does the kitchen and I do the bathrooms. He can't lift the laundry baskets and take them up/down two flights of stairs and neither can I. I got a big mesh laundry bag which I stuff with a laundry load and throw down the stairs to the washer and dryer room. I bring it up piecemeal. The cleaners wash/dry/change the sheets every other week.

I do grocery shopping in several smaller trips rather than one big shopping a week. I cook simple meals and rely on frozen entrees a lot.

This is how we feed/clothe ourselves and maintain a pretty clean house. It costs us more and I have had to relax my standards. Those are the trade-offs. Simple as that.

[Ilsa]

44. Try making a schedule to split cooking and housework.

You each have duties, take turns cooking.

Try making something simple, like a tasty Chef salad. Deli foods that are already cooked aren't usually very expensive if you're looking for shortcuts.

[auntAgonist]

47. I think if you edit this post to add that you too work FULL TIME the answers might be different (?)

It's nice that you want to do something for your wife to show your appreciation.

A dinner out or delivery would go a long way to the start of a relaxing evening.

A one time visit by Molly Maid could be a real treat too.

Flowers, wine, a good movie .. a snuggle and a thank you for all you do is always appreciated.

Simple things...


Good luck

[diabeticman]

49. It just boggles my mind how people assumed I was unemployed. It isn't like I have never talked

about my job here on the board before.

The worse part is that we haven't even had time to fully unpack from this move. First we had unexpected expenses. + we haven't had the money or time to go by storage/ carts/ shelves so we can finish unpacking.


Not only that she may work a 11 or 12 hour day but when you factor in her drive to her client houses sometimes it ends up being 13 or 14 hours. They will give her 15 min drive time BUT in reality it is impossible to get to most places in 15 minutes UNLESS you are in the same area of town/county. They have her going to one end to the other and than back again. So 9 times out of 10 she comes home grabs something to eat (veggiate--as she calls it) go into our room to watch TV and unwind while I'm usually leaving for my job if not gone. She tells me she gives the cats attention and than goes to sleep to do it all again the next morning.

Even when she works 8 or 9 hours she is on her feet giving baths cleaning houses going to the store for clients she is tired. She says when she sees our place she doesn't have the energy.

So this is why I am posting this. I think IF we where unpacked and had everything organized she wouldn't object to me asking one of our apartment neighbors to come in once a week to give a good cleaning and than I know I can do the upkeep the rest of the week. But we aren't there yet.

[Arugula Latte]

52. Could I just say, though, that I've been here since 2001 and

it is darn hard to keep track of the lives of so many people on a board like this.

[Lars39]

51. Ask her what she would like you to do.

Insist that that you are going to do more, but you want to know what. She knows on which skills you are weakest and which chores she is sick of doing. Whatever you both decide you should be doing..do it. Actions count more than mouthed words to get on her good side.

[chrisa]

53. All of the little things...

You don't need to know how to cook. Buy some prepackaged stuff or cooked chicken once in a while and bring it home.

Make the bed.

Clean up. How can you be terrible at cleaning the house? Where there's a will, there's a way. Cleaning doesn't require skill.

Rub her shoulders or something once in a while when she comes home and ask about her day. Always helps.

[ismnotwasm]

55. My husband has MS

As he became weaker he could no longer work. He can drive, and walk short distances. He does the grocery shopping-- the staples though, nothing fancy. He drives to and from work, he brings me little gifts. He tells me he loves me often, we flirt a lot. He listens to me about my day. He tells me he feels blessed to have me. (we're not religious)

We really can't afford professional housecleaning, but though his volunteer work once in a while he'll hire someone who just needs the money. (that is SO awesome to come home to) he does the same with the yard.

He recently bought me a necklace we can't really afford-- I make good money but we have tons of bills-- because I mentioned a co-worker had a necklace I liked-- it was nowhere near the same, but it's the same 'infinity' symbol on it (valentines day) he found a free beat up old hot tub and had friends work on it and now it's my favorite thing

He's far more romantic than I am. I should mention.

It embarrasses me when he says thank you or something for being his wife-- because he's actually better at being a husband, in a way I can't explain. So I tell him thank you back.