How to stay safe when driving through the South. Put this on yer dashboard

[NightWatcher]

Holy Bible: Stock Car Racing Edition
$ 19.99

http://www.thenivbible.com/products/holy-bible-stock-car-racing

For fans of stock car racing, this Bible is a must-have. It features commentary and testimonies from some of racing’s most famous names, as well as full-color action photos of some of racing’s most famous faces.

from Amazon.

"And then the Jews took away Jesus's Goodyear sponsored jumpsuit and beat him up real bad. Then they murdered him. No one thought he would ever race again, but He showed them. 3 days later he appeared at the Jerusalem 500 in a brand new souped up Chic-Fil-A sponsored Toyota Camry."

The thing I love about this book is that it's simple enough for me to really understand the true messages of this 2,000 year old faith. For instance, take John 3:16. Before, it was this boring incomprehensible mess, but now:

"God really loved people and so he had this lady have a baby that was really his son and not the other guy's. If you believe in this baby, then you don't die and you just live forever."

The best part to me was when he was delivering a speech to a group of like 5,000 racers. Their cars had all broken down and he started taking parts out of his own car and distributing them among the racers. Somehow there were enough parts for all of them. A miracle indeed!

I highly recommend this book to anyone like me who didn't finish middle school and likes fast things. Your faith will grow and get faster and faster. With Jesus as your pit boss, you'll never worry when life's collisions set you back.

[malthaussen]

1. Sounds like a riff from the Illuminatus Trilogy.

IIRC, there was a preacher in it who had updated the "message" for modern times. There was a hymn called "Jesus is my truck-stop on the Road of Life" or something like that.

-- Mal

[AnneD]

2. Have a CD ...

Drop kick me Jesus through the goal post of life playing.....

edited to add that is a real CW song.

[KamaAina]

4. I don't care if it rains or freezes, 'long as I've got my plastic Jesus

ridin' on the dashboard of my ca-a-ar,
I can go a hundred miles an hour, 'long as I've got the Almighty Power
Glued up there by my pair of fuzzy di-i-ice!

That's the intro to the Rev. Billy Soul Hargis, featured on Imus' NYC radio show decades ago.

[hobbit709]

11. Here you go.

[eppur_se_muova]

7. I thought Berke Brethed made that one up !

http://www.thecomicstrips.com/store/add.php?iid=80387

[Glorfindel]

8. Paul Newman sang it in "Cool Hand Luke"

Way back when...

[Glorfindel]

9. Sorry! I responded to the wrong post.

[AnneD]

10. I had forgotten....

Plastic Jesus. Just watched Paul Newman in Cool Hand Luke last night. Thanks for the reminder.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

3. And that is why they race on Sunday, in the year of Our Ford.

May his mighty tires sustain you round the fourth curve. Talladega, Amen.

[A HERETIC I AM]

5. How do you piss off an entire truckstop full of truckers?

Get on the CB and announce that NASCAR sucks and there is no god.

[Joe Shlabotnik]

6. Great companion to the parts catalogue that Jesus left in my glove compartment