Why is it some people can't even say, "Hi," "Good morning," Etc.?

[raccoon]

Like this morning I was getting ready to come to work, saw a neighbor, and spoke to him. He didn't
respond.

This doesn't bother me as much as it used to. I work with students, and sometimes they don't speak back. I've
gotten used to it.

I think in some cases, people are rude like that, I mean standoffish, because they think you'll ask them for favors.

I'm just asking for your thoughts.

[uppityperson]

1. Maybe he was tired, hard of hearing, was worried about something, someone died, kid was sick

distracted by something in his life?

[hlthe2b]

3. Yes... I think we all "multi-task" so much now that it is hard not to be distracted as a matter of

course...

I'd try again another day before assuming the neighbor/student/other was being rude or stand-offish.

[liberal N proud]

2. I notice that more when return from a business trip outside the US.

We had a facility in Switzerland and you walk down the hall and everyone was always bonjour. I didn't realize until I returned to the US just how many people are closed off and anti-social as they go about their day.

The same goes after a trip to Asia.

[dr.strangelove]

4. I try, but sometimes my head is so filled with my thoughts that I honestly don't hear people

About 10 minutes before I arrive in my office, I start getting into work mode. this morning I was drafting a letter in my head while walking from the subway to my building, riding up the elevator and walking to my desk. Once I arrived, I turned on the computer, waited for it to start and began typing what I had been thinking. I know I said hello to the security guard, but if anyone else said hi, I was so engrossed in my thoughts that I did not hear them.

I always try to say hello, but sometimes I lose the outside world when I am in work mode.

Another thing I see is a "nodder" who doesn't speak. there is one guy who I have never heard say hello, but I have talked to him about work. When he see someone he does a nod of his head and a smile. Its his style for greeting. I am fine with it, but it is a but different.

[warrior1]

5. I found out over time that

I'm invisible to most people.

[840high]

6. People are self-involved. I have

a next door neighbor who speaks only when she wants something.

[warrior1]

7. how long have you been neighbors?

[raccoon]

9. Sorry, I see you were replying to someone else. nt

Last edited Mon Apr 21, 2014, 03:40 PM - Edit history (1)

[warrior1]

15. no problem

[840high]

11. 30+ years

[warrior1]

16. damn that's too bad

I've got a pretty good relationship with most of my neighbors.

[aint_no_life_nowhere]

8. I think there's been a coarsening of manners over the past decades

and they don't seem to matter to some people. We are alone on the Internet, we are alone on the couch in our living room while watching TV, we are alone in our cars driving on congested freeways. Other people and their feelings don't seem to matter as much in the modern world because we don't come face-to-face as often as before. Walking to work or riding the bus used to bring us across the path of our neighbors more often. I know that some people here disagree, but I am distressed when I hear the expression "no problem" in response to "thank you". I grew up saying "you're welcome", "it was my pleasure" or "don't mention it". "No problem" to me simply means that they didn't have to go out of their way. It doesn't express friendliness or warmth and is often said in a robotic way. I think if you just say friendly words like "hello" or "you're welcome", even if you don't really mean them at the time, they have an effect on your psyche deep down and help make you more human even if you don't realize it.

[kairos12]

10. I think you have to text basic greetings and courtesies now.

[RandoLoodie]

12. Our employees know better than to waste their time or my time

engaging in idle chit chat.

If someone tells, me "Good Morning!" I ask them "What's so good about it?"

Some us have lots of responsibilities, a bunch of shit to do, and no time to do it.

Especially first thing in the morning, I can see where someone just wouldn't want to be bothered with social niceties.

Is it cool? do I agree with it? Not entirely.

But I don't have a problem with it either.

[NutmegYankee]

13. Did you move to New England?

Just saying...

[DamnYankeeInHouston]

14. When I go home to New England, I get a hoot out of saying hello to strangers

and watching them recoil in horror. If you don't say good morning in Houston, you could get shot.

[chrisa]

17. Some people are jackasses or have no social skills

Some don't have the decency to say hi back and stare at you like a two-headed alien instead. Others let doors slam in your face, or try to run you off the road. They were raised by trolls.

[orleans]

18. your neighbor didn't hear you or thought you were talking to someone else

maybe he was on the phone, or had ear buds playing music or something you didn't notice

[DebJ]

19. I am a very deep sleeper. Unless I get 8-9 hours of solid sleep, which is very rare,

then when the alarm goes off, my body is still partially paralyzed from a dream state. I can barely walk, drop things, can't get really functional for two hours. It is literally physically difficult for me to even speak for a good while.

[alarimer]

20. Some of us don't want to be bothered.

Some of us are introverts. You have no idea what was going on.

[Vashta Nerada]

21. Some people don't want to be bothered.

I'm one of them. It's kind of annoying that people get annoyed when I don't respond. 1. I don't have to respond. 2. I don't want to respond. 3. If I actually care, I will respond.

[MicaelS]

28. Some people are just anti-social jerks. n/t

[Vashta Nerada]

30. Some people are jerks for thinking introverts are jerks.

Nice understanding there, Chachi.

[MicaelS]

31. I am Introverted.

And I used not speak to people until I realized I was being rude. Too many introverts use introversion as an excuse for being a jerk.

I stand behind what I said, 100%.

[Vashta Nerada]

32. It's nice to know that my introversion is being rude to those who can't find a way to shut up.

For that, I don't mind at all.

[MicaelS]

33. As rude as you appear to be..

I probably wouldn't even acknowledge your existence if we met in person. Even if we were the only two people in the room. Probably would be best for both of us. And if I needed help, I certainly would not ask you. And if you really needed help, it would probably be best if you looked somewhere else.

[LanternWaste]

34. I imagine we often rationalize our own shortcomings and take offense when pointed out

I imagine we often rationalize our own shortcomings and take offense when pointed out, yet justify indicting others for theirs.

[Vashta Nerada]

35. Well

if extroverts get so upset that an introvert doesn't acknowledge their existence, what am I to care?

[ohnoyoudidnt]

22. Some days I really don't feel like talking to anyone.

Even if it is simple as good morning. I do at least manage a head nod and forced smile. I don't intend to be rude and I know it is often perceived that way. I almost always do the nod when passing by someone I know and am more to respond in kind when someone does say something like hello first.

[mythology]

23. I'm a very very introverted person and I'm not a morning person

I would be just fine if I didn't have to talk to anybody for 1 to 2 hours after I get up.

Even more than caffeine, I just need to get my head unclogged and my brain focused on more than dragging myself to work.

I would personally argue that it's rude to attempt to impose your extroverted values on the rest of us. Making small talk is actively tiring for me.

[Populist_Prole]

36. I am, and feel, the same way

Not only my slow rising and easing into the day, but by my distaste for small talk. I know some people who tell me in confidence that certain other people ( quite extroverted ) consider me aloof. I'm not, as I love a good conversation....of substance.

Another thing that irks me are people who are determined to keep the talk small. For example, I might respond to the usual "how are you?" or "how you doin?" with total frankness if I feel beset or fatigued that day, only to be scorned by the irritated asker of the question for not answering with a mindless "fine" or whatever. To them it's just a bullshit game.

[No Vested Interest]

24. Did he acknowledge you in any way?

Give it a few more tries, then just let it go if no acknowledgement.
You'll know it isn't something you did; it's him.

[raccoon]

25. Good answer, I think. Usually I let it go after one try. nt

[magical thyme]

26. if you're in New England, they assume pleasantries are the first step

to the 2nd step, which is a sales pitch and theft.

I moved here from PA, where pleasantries are expected.

34 years later, I'm a crusty and irritable as the next person. Anybody who is friendly up here is just lookin' for something of yours to take if it's not nailed down, or shit on if it is. Spend enough time trying to wash shitstains out of what's left after the live thieves have been through, and you'll be pretty crusty too.

[riderinthestorm]

27. You work with students and the first thing you DIDN'T think of was ear buds?

My teen has them attached to her head 24/7. Many adults do too.

One of the trainers at my barn uses a Bluetooth. I can't see it under her hair so sometimes I'll say "hi" and then realize she's actually on the phone.

[Still Blue in PDX]

29. We actually have something at work called the "10 and 5 rule."

If you are within 10 feet of someone you should make eye contact and smile, and within 5 feet you should greet them with "good morning," or whatever.

It's annoying sometimes, but it's even more annoying that we have a lot of procedures and policies that should be left up to people's common sense and courtesy.