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Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsHow to Pill a Cat Cross posted from Pets
I was at the Vet yesterday getting three of my fur-babies their annual shots and checkups. While I waited in the treatment room, I saw this and thought I would share it. It is intended as humor, not as actual instructions. Cat keepers however, will find it far too familiar.
*Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat gently in left arm and repeat process.
*Retrieve cat from bedroom, pick up and throw soggy pill away.
*Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with the left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for count of ten.
*Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse in from garden.
*Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into cat's mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
*Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill out of foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep up shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set on one side for gluing later.
*Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with a pencil and blow into drinking straw.
*Check label to be sure pill not harmful to humans. Drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
*Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door just enough so that head is showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with rubber band.
*Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw t-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
*Call fire department to retrieve cat from tree across road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
*Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
*Get spouse to drive you to emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearms and removes pill from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new dining table.
*Arrange for ASPCA to collect cat and contact local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
ScottFrom1960
(10 posts)They make it sound so easy..
MrMickeysMom
(20,453 posts)This doesn't necessarily change when you have an 18 year old like Mr. Mickey "cradled" your arms.
However, I will say that the occasional "blowing on the face" might get MM to swallow almost involuntary
Hell, the whole thing's involuntary.
AllyCat
(16,140 posts)When my vet suggested this when my horrified face sprouted at the mention of twice pills, he went to show me how to use it. After a scenario much like the one above, he suggested a trans dermal preparation. Pill pockets work better for $9 per bag of 45.
Ino
(3,366 posts)... the FIRST time! After being taken by surprise by his demonstration, the cat is now READY.
heaven05
(18,124 posts)shenmue
(38,506 posts)3catwoman3
(23,946 posts)How To Pill A Dog - wrap in bacon; throw on floor