Because I don't have a life,

[sarge43]

I cobbled this together

How the different branches of the armed forces deal with a beer bottle

Army: Twist the cap off. The church key was left behind after the last deployment

Navy: Beer? Don't need no $@*&)! beer. Not when there's a still cooking away down in engineering.

Air Force: Ordered two overpriced high tech inoperable bottle openers. Gave one to the Army, lied to Congress about the other. Ask the Navy to open the bottle, bought an overpriced 6 pack of cans and received medal for Operation Tough Glass

Marines: Gave up after confusing and hurting itself. Handed bottle to a Gunny. She bit the head off.

[Brother Buzz]

1. Wish I could remember it...

There was a good one going around how the different services got COLD beer....The Air Force sent it up into the stratosphere for the chill. The Navy broke out the CO2 bottles for a quick freeze. The Marines traded the Navy cases of warm beer for a bottles of cold beer. The Army, "What's cold beer?".

[sarge43]

2. My personal favorite

Army: This place sucks

Navy: It even sucks off shore

Marines: Where's it sucking?

Air Force: 3.50 per diem? That sucks

[Aristus]

3. Twist the cap off?

Sure, I suppose. If you're not a tanker.

Tankers notch a point of the cap onto the edge of a flat surface, then smack the top of the bottle, which wrenches the cap off. You get a little beer over-foaming, but it does the job...

[sarge43]

4. It's well known tankers are messy. :) n/t

[Aristus]

5. Yeah. Some I knew were the most God-awful slobs on the planet.

I'm a neat-nik, though. I always passed inspection.

[sarge43]

6. "most God awful slobs on the planet" Apparently you never met any ammo men

or as my spousal unit fondly called his fellow munition maintenance techs "rat faced knuckle draggers".

[Aristus]

7. Mechanics, too.

I may have complained to you before about what thoughtless slobs mechanics were. If we were in garrison, and a mechanic was looking our tank over, he'd leave the wrappers from his 'gut-truck' snacks all over the place when he was done.

If we were in the field and had put a maintenance order in, the wrench-jockey would invariable show up after chow, still toting his chow tray and other assorted garbage, and just leave it all over the turret and hull when he left. Sometimes I just wanted to drop-kick those hose-heads right off my vehicle that I worked so hard to keep shipshape.

[sarge43]

8. Sounds familiar

Himself and I once watched a Nature episode about Komodo Dragons. As you probably know, not the most elegant of creatures -- appalling table manners and the general mind set of a teabagger.

The next day Himself remarks that the lads at work were quite enthusiastic about the program.

Good second banana that I am, "Why would those mouth breathers be watching that?"

"Professional admiration."

[trof]

9. In the olden days...

You could find an edge on an actual CHROME bumper and whack the cap with your hand.

[denbot]

10. The door latch of a car was a perfect bottle opener

Not that I used to drink and drive..

[trof]

11. I do remember filling the tip tanks on a T-33 with cans of beer...

and taking it up to 30,000' for a few minutes.
Ice cold beer on landing.
No pop-top back then.
You needed a 'church key'.