I need joke help!

[Avalux]

Does anyone here know a good joke? My target has an unusual sense of humor, so nothing run-of-the-mill please.

I want to impress him and I'm terrible at telling jokes, so nothing too long either (or I won't remember it!)

Grazie!!!!

[clarice]

1. A bear walks into a bar...

The bartender says "What can I get you?"
The bear says "give me a rum and.........................................................................................coke.
The bartender gives him the drink and says "Here you go, but why the long pause?"
Bear says "I was born with them"

[Avalux]

2. Haha thank you!

I like it! Shouldn't be too hard to remember it!

[clarice]

3. You want one more?nt

[Avalux]

4. Sure! What you got? n/t

[clarice]

6. A duck walks into a drug store..

He goes up to the counter and asks the druggist "Can I have some chap stick?"
The druggist gets the chap stick and says "here you go...that will be $2.00"
Duck says "Can you put that on my bill?"

[Avalux]

7. That's a good one too.

Thanks clarice! I'm about to go try them out!

[clarice]

10. Good luck....don't blame me if everyone groans....lol nt

[Avalux]

11. Hey you came through for me.

It's only one person and chances are he'll laugh anyway. But he always says "got a good joke today?" and I never do. Today I'll have yours and rug's.

[clarice]

14. Glad to help...I know a few off-color ones too. nt

[rug]

5. I bet on a horse yesterday at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

[clarice]

8. Sounds like Rodney. lol

[Avalux]

9. Haha!!

Very clever - and short. Thank you!!

[fizzgig]

12. what do you call a bear with no teeth?

a gummy bear.

[Avalux]

13. HA!

Nice. Thank you!

[BlueJazz]

15. Farmer is out in his fields. Man drives up in a black car, says "We have reports of you selling pot"

Farmer: I..I don't know what you mean.
Man: Well, I have a damn gold badge that says I can search your fields.
Farmer: I suppose that would be OK but don't go into that far field.
Man: Look pal, this damn gold badge says I CAN go and I WILL go there. !!
Man leaves,, 10 minutes later farmer hears a loud scream....and looks in the far field.
A large black bull is chasing the man across the field and the man is yelling Help!!

Farmer says: Show him your gold badge, show him your damn gold badge!

[Scuba]

16. Why did the fireman wear red suspenders?

To hold his pants up!

[rurallib]

17. Take a trip to the humor forum

or group or whatever it is:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=forum&id=1198

[Scuba]

18. How can you tell a Dogwood tree?

By its bark.

[trof]

19. A termite walks into a bar and asks...

Is the bar tender here?

[DFW]

20. From Switzerland, where people speak verrry slowly

Three 95 year old guys are sitting side by side on a bench with their heads hung down.
After half an hour, the first one looks up and says, "Sex is nice." His head goes back down.
Half an hour later, the second one looks up and says, "Christmas is also nice." His head goes back down.
Half an hour after that, the third one looks up and says, "And Christmas happens more often!"

[DFW]

21. One more

A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some cyanide.
The pharmacist thinks he hasn't heard right and asks, "you want some what?"
She repeats, "cyanide, and a large dosage please."
The pharmacist is appalled and says, "madam, cyanide is a deadly poison. What makes you think I'll just give you a large dose of it, just like that?"
She opens her purse and hands the pharmacist a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacists looks at the photo, hands it back, and tells the woman, "you might have told me from the beginning that you had a prescription."

[Avalux]

22. Thanks everyone for all the great jokes!

I will be testing them on my subject over a period of time.

Last night I tried out clarice's bear joke and got a belly laugh, so yay! and another yay! me not flubbing it!! Love you guys!