Passing of my Grandmother

[Akoto]

So, I occasionally come here for help or simply to rant about life with my disability. This is a much sadder occasion.

My grandmother, Catherine, passed away this morning at age 96. She was my last living grandparent. I was able to hurry to the nursing home despite the whole cripple thing and see her before she actually died, to say my goodbyes. It was something I hadn't been able to do with any of the others.

It's hard, because you don't want her to be gone, but it's also a blessing for her. She'd had dementia for many years and had just laid in that place, sometimes with clarity, usually out of it (particularly recently). When I saw her last night, she hadn't been awake in two days, and she just looked mummified - I have no kinder word for someone so gaunt. I couldn't stay after a while because every time she stopped breathing, I couldn't help but wonder if I was seeing the end.

Prior to the years when my disability began, my grandmother raised me for half of my youth. She had a RV and she showed me the world, insofar as the boundaries of our state go. I remember countless Wednesdays and Saturdays spent at her house, I remember her cooking, and especially her baking. When she learned she had dementia and she was starting to forget, she wrote down all of her recipes and gave them to me only. She knew I loved to bake, so that was something she wanted me to have. I remember that well.

It's a cruel thing when such a good person has to go in such a protracted, bad way. I've been rather a wreck, as you might imagine, and it's unfortunately making my chronic pain worse via tension. I think getting online and writing is cathartic, at least.

Now, I'll probably go spend money I don't have on an online game I play. It's something to just blank out on, which is greatly needed. Dwelling and prior existing depression do not make for good partners. If anyone would care to offer kind thoughts and hopes for her, I'd appreciate it. I'm not a religious person, but I'd like to think there was something good waiting for her after the bad. If you want to help me out, well, good thoughts are fine as well (or also help with my game - PM if you like, but I don't plead for it). We expect just a small graveside service early next week.

With all four of them now gone, it's a very empty feeling. The family is a lot smaller than when I was a kid, and they were all very good to me.

[MannyGoldstein]

1. Bless you, and sorry for your loss.

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms.
Then, the whining school-boy with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress' eyebrow. Then, a soldier,
Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honour, sudden, and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon's mouth. And then, the justice,
In fair round belly, with a good capon lined,
With eyes severe, and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws, and modern instances,
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slippered pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side,
His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank, and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.

[Jenoch]

2. I am sorry for your loss.

I don't know your backstory, but it seems your grandmother was a wonderful woman. My maternal grandmother spent many years in a nursing home. My paternal grandmother was lucky enough to die on her 86th birthday with my father at her side. She died from cancer two weeks after it was diagnosed. (She had stomach pain for several months and did not tell anyone.)

My own mother died after just two months in a nursing home. My father, myself and two brothers were with her when she died. I cannot explain that experience. I remember talking to her a few hours earlier as her internal organs were failing and a while later she took her last breath and died. It was the saddest day of my life. My father is 82 and slowing down a bit, but is still splitting and stacking firewood at our cabin. Hell, I try not to do that anymore.

It was costing my father $200 per day for her to be there. His only reaction was that he was glad he had enough money to pay he bill. The employees at that nursing home were wonderful. Many of the staff were from Liberia. I wonder if those nurses have family affectd by the ebola outbreak.

[orleans]

3. i'm very sorry for your loss

it's hard to part with those we love, no matter the situation and regardless of their "condition" -- it's just hard to say goodbye to someone who is such an important part of our life

i'm not a religious person either--but i believe there is a place for us after we leave this world, where our pains no longer exist, where we become our true essence once again, where our bodies and minds are whole and healed, and where we reunite with those we love.

"we'll never forget because you were ours and we were yours."
--author unknown

"goodbyes are not forever
goodbyes are not the end
they simply mean i'll miss you
until we meet again."
--author unknown

[fizzgig]

4. my love to you and yours

i am very sorry for your loss

[bigwillq]

5. I am so sorry for your loss.

[MerryBlooms]

6. I'm so sorry... my condolences.

R.I.P. Catherine

[riderinthestorm]

7. (((Akoto))) I hope you are surrounded by the rest of your family at this sad time

Your virtual family at DU is here...

I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds as though you have many great memories and I hope they comfort you today and onwards.

Catherine

[roguevalley]

8. It is awful, change. I am so sorry. As an orphan myself, I can relate. Time is your friend.

it will get better. Concentrate on those who are here to love and love you. The others are around you in a different form but their love is still there. Get still and listen hard. You will hear them. Peace be to you, my friend.

[LiberalEsto]

9. So sorry for your loss

[Kali]

10. ...