Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the most awesome, perfect Florida news story ever.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

http://www.sun-sentinel.com/local/palm-beach/fl-alligator-whisperer-ban-20141119-story.html

Judge to 'Alligator Whisperer': No schmoozing with gators

By Paula McMahon,
Sun Sentinel
contact the reporter

About the only thing the self-proclaimed "Alligator Whisperer" can do around alligators now is whisper at them from a safe distance..

Hal Kreitman, 51, a former chiropractor convicted of fraud in a staged accidents case, had been passing time communing with alligators in the Everglades while waiting to surrender Jan. 5 to serve eight years in federal prison.

***

State officers arrested Kreitman after he was photographed and recorded repeatedly patting, kissing and swimming with the enormous reptiles.

Kreitman, of Miami Beach, advertised an "Alligator Experience" and "face to face" encounters on Facebook and brought guests with him.
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I mean, it's got everything you would want and more out of a Florida news story: Chiropractors, medical fraud, alligators. Plus the general loveable outright insanity that makes my state hands down the greatest fucking kickass awesomest state in the country.

[LiberalEsto]

1. But did he have SEX with them?

Inquiring minds NEED to know.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

2. You be the judge.

There's love in those eyes.

Or maybe just dinner.

[bigwillq]

4. Yup. He hit that.

[valerief]

3. Sorry. Not "Florida awesome" unless bath salts are involved.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

5. We don't need bath salts to make our state awesome.

But they do help with the flavor, admittedly.

[valerief]

6. I thought bath salts were the State Salt of Florida.

[Brother Buzz]

7. Indeed, it's got all the makings of a Hiaasen novel

I'm certain Carl can weave Clinton Tyree (Skink) into it, too.

[Pacifist Patriot]

8. My thoughts exactly!

[Brother Buzz]

9. And if Hiaasen is to busy, Tim Dorsey could certainly run with it

America's favorite sociopath, Serge A. Storms.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serge_A._Storms