Maybe I've gotten old before my time.
From May of 2012 to December of 2014 I worked an average of 50 hours a week at work and took three classes a semester at college. I've never worked harder than that for extended period of time, and I've worked plenty hard in my time. I don't think I'm going to ever be able to do anything like that again. I went beyond burned out and started to implode in on myself and create a black hole in my life that I couldn't escape from that had my loved ones concerned for me.
Well, I made it. However, I no longer have the drive and ambition that I had before I went back to school, or back when I bought my tractor-trailers, or back when I was putting in over 70 hours a week behind the wheel. I appear to be permanently spent and all I want to do is punch that time clock, put in my 50 hours, and take it easy the rest of the time. I don't want to climb a corporate ladder. I don't want to start a business. I feel like becoming a full time beer drinker, staying in the moment, and just appreciating each day for what it is instead of trying to endlessly change and improve my life.
I am glad that I got the degree. Not finishing college was something that had dogged me for 20 years. But I feel like I've put something behind me now. I've conquered something, but it wasn't financial wealth or social status. I think I've conquered my desire- that burning thing inside of me that couldn't be extinguished and made me so restless over the years. The fire is out, the heat is gone, and now I just feel calm and cool.
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It was a hell of a climb and you did it. Now, looking back on that accomplishment, you just feel exhausted.
Rest yourself......what's the phrase? Rest on your laurels. You've earned them.
Stay calm and cool, and see what happens next.
