When my time comes

[auntAgonist]

No gushing about how wonderful I was, rather remember me as someone who tried.

No phony tears of sorrow, rather a smile for who I was.

No intrusions to my privacy, rather let me family mourn in peace.

Make no assumptions on what I'd like, or what I'd do, rather just accept I'm gone.

No ghoulish behaviour, not a single photo of me dying or dead, rather remember me as you last saw me, vibrant and alive.

If you found a place in my heart in life and I found a spot in yours, what more do we need?

Allow those that love me, privacy, support and caring.

aA
kesha

EDITED TO ADD: I am not terminally ill. I am and have been ill for some time now, but I'm not terminal. Just a thought I wanted to share.

[NightWatcher]

1. In lieu of a "funeral" I want a "FUNeral" where guests can ...

[auntAgonist]

21. A FUNeral sounds good for the ones left behind!

When I go though, I really don't care if anyone knows


aA

[In_The_Wind]

2. When your time comes I will remember the one evening we shared with friends.

And I'll cry for our loss of a beautiful spirit. I will miss you!

[auntAgonist]

3. What a lovely evening that was too!

Too short, but lots of fun.



k.

[femmocrat]

4. ....

Sorry to learn that you have been ill, kesha.

If I'm still here and if I can remember by then, I promise to respect your wishes.

[auntAgonist]

8. Thank you!

k.

[Surya Gayatri]

5. .../...

'If you found a place in my heart in life and I found a spot in yours, what more do we need?'

[auntAgonist]

25. That pretty much sums it up. Thank you for acknowledging that. n/t

[Omaha Steve]

6. I'm terminal

I plan on going out on my terms. It won't be violent. Several friends have done that over the years. That is not me.

I hope everybody will have some fun when the time comes.

Thanks for posting.

OS

[auntAgonist]

7. I think of you often and wish you peace.

May your friends and family uphold your dignity and honour your terms.


My motto. "no ghouls allowed"




best wishes to you Omaha Steve.

[Omaha Steve]

9. ...

[fizzgig]

10. ...

you have found a place in my heart and i think of you at times. it's always good to see you.

[MuseRider]

11. I so agree with you.

A respectful death.

No intrusion, my family and real friends would be horrified by that.

No requests for a space in the DU dead folks space (I do think that space is a good one but damn, please don't go reserving my space as soon as I am ill).

Thankfully nobody here thinks they know me well enough to do those things.

[auntAgonist]

13. Exactly !

And no imaginary 'true' friendships either.

My family too would be horrified.

Thank you


aA
kesha

[FloridaJudy]

12. I lost a friend recently

Her family hadn't treated her well; in fact they were estranged.

But when she died unexpectedly, instead of a funeral, they threw a low key memorial service, and encouraged the guests to leave with something she had made, to remember her by, instead of selling it, or donating it to charity. I have one of her her beaded necklaces. Every time I wear it, I think of how creative she was.

That's class.

[auntAgonist]

20. Thank you for sharing this Judy.

It is comforting to know I'm sure, that the family came around and treated her passing with dignity and love.

What a wonderful way to allow friends to remember her by. A little piece of her went home with each person who chose to take a gift.

You're right! That IS class.

aA
kesha

[rug]

14. You've always been a pain in the ass.

Keep it up as long as you can!

[auntAgonist]

16. I don't know what you mean by this.

If it's meant to be funny I guess I missed the joke.

If it's not? Why bother posting something like that?


aA

[BlueJazz]

26. Perhaps it was Rug's way of saying "Please don't go for awhile"

[Raine1967]

15. So odd and wonderful that you posted this, today of all days, aA.

Incredibly comforting and full of peace. Thank you.

[auntAgonist]

23. ...

[bigwillq]

17. I can accept that.

[Paper Roses]

18. Thank you for posting this. As an old timer with health issues, I can relate.

I want to make a copy of this for my kids.

I want everyone to just let me go and remember what I tried to do and what I hope I accomplished in this life.

Thinking of you. I remember well your posts of comfort when my husband died and I was devastated. I have never come to grips with the fact that he is gone. Life is a trial and sometimes we can adjust, sometimes not. Your thoughts give me comfort and I send the same comforting thoughts to you.

Your kind words have been important to so many members of DU. We all appreciate your insight and compassion.
Thinking of you and look forward to lots of great posts in the future.

[auntAgonist]

19. I have always wished I could

do more for those who grieve. I think maybe because I feel my own pain SO deeply at times.

I don't adjust very well but I am comforted when I can help someone else.


much love to you Paper Roses.

You'll heal in time.

Things will never be the same, but your love for your dear husband will always remain constant.



kesha

[LaurenG]

22. I wish healing for you and that you continue your beautiful life.

[Skittles]

24. am I the only one that doesn't want to be "surrounded by friends and family"?

[In_The_Wind]

29. no

[BlueJazz]

27. I hope I get launched into the cosmos. No tears for me. Live your life with joy and little sorrow.

[panader0]

28. I told my sweetheart Jeannie not to post a picture of me in my obituary

of me in old age or with an oxygen tube in my nose (which would never happen anyway as I hate hospitals).
If there is to be a picture, make it one when I was young and vibrant.

[auntAgonist]

33. Couldn't agree more. Intimate photos of the dying, even in an obituary

are such an intrusion on a person's dignity.

We all grieve in our own way but posting photos and making it all about ourselves just doesn't seem right at all. As I said, it's ghoulish.


I'm sure your Jeannie will honour your wishes Panader0.

aA

[lastlib]

30. .

I Wish You Peace.

"a light to guide you through the dark...."

[auntAgonist]

32. I absolutely love

the Eagles and this song in particular.

thank you so much !!!!



kesha

[Kali]

31. I wish I could just be left to cycle back to the earth

but I doubt I will manage to get that wish 100%. Funerals and memorials are more for those left behind anyway. What will we care?

On the other hand some want a big send off and do like the idea of lots of attention from a wider circle. Privacy not a concern. Nothing wrong with that and nothing fake about the people who participate.

Thinking of the friends and family I have lost, I think all would have been happy with the way they were remembered and honored. Yes that is an assumption, but one founded on the knowledge gained from those relationships.