Well, crap. A happy anniversary on Friday, so karma slaps us in the face on Saturday.
We were about 6000 miles apart on Friday, but wonderful phone calls and sentiments from friends, family (especially since we had a double wedding with my brother 33 years ago) and strangers.
So, Saturday, my wife is getting ready to drive her mom back to her home in the far northwest of Germany. She slipped and fell on her left wrist. It was shattered in multiple places, and a neighbor drove her to the local orthopedic hospital, about 5 minutes by car from our house. After a complicated operation, insertion of metal thingies and heavy sedation, I got to talk to her. She was still in considerable pain. I talked to her again today, and the pain killers had set in. She just said (in English, even) "shit happens." She is a social worker who dealt with drug addicts, alcoholics, immigrants who didn't learn enough German to order a salad (much less work,) and long-term unemployed. She knows what the real meaning of down and out is. This isn't it.
She'll be in the hospital for a few days, since it was her left wrist. When she had cancer, they took out the lymph nodes on her left side, so she is prone to infection there. It needs to be watched. Then a few months of observation and post-op treatment. I hope we can take our summer vacation as planned (mid July). The metal detectors at the airport will go bonkers from here on in. That's the least of our worries.
At least our insurance is paid up. Contrary to popular belief, the German health care system contains many gaps, and since she retired a couple of years before her "legal" retirement age, she had to get expensive outside health insurance for the time in between the time when her unemployment insurance ran out and the time her government health insurance as a retiree kicks in. It costs me around $400 a month, but I pay it without question, the wisdom of which just slapped us in the face yesterday.
The reason I didn't immediately turn around and get the first plane back to Germany (besides her telling me not to) is because we have this wonderful circle of friends all within a 3 minute walk of our house. They have all offered to do anything for my wife that she could possibly need, just as she has done for them in similar situations over the years. THAT is a kind of insurance that no amount of monthly fees can buy. As usual, it's the best.
If this is the worst that befalls us in the next few years, we'll be happy, but it sure is one hell of an adjustment, going from proud independence to being a half-cripple from one second to the next. Infection and addiction to pain killers are our biggest fears for now. Taking on bigger share of the cooking and the laundry is the least of my worries.
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Dependence and addiction are two different animals, as I'm sure she knows well considering her specialty. It can be hard when it's you versus someone else, however. Don't let her fall into the trap that she should not use what she needs for the relief she needs, OK? That's what it's there for.
I survive on Oxy, Flexaril, and Prednisone every day just to make it through and keep RA flares from making me non-functional, and keep sciatica at bay. I have one of those chemistries that doesn't seem to allow impairment from them, and that's a good thing. But I'm a blubbering, swollen, pain-wracked blob in the corner without them.
I do hope the complications are minimal, and am sending you both strength, as being apart I know is trying at the least.
Hugs to both of you!
Congratulations on the anniversaries -- both couples. And big hugs re the 'situation'.
I too hope she recovers without complications or further trouble.
Hang in there...
I know you will take good care of her.
I'm very sorry to hear of this, and I and we all hope for a smooth recovery. AND for a good, uneventful summer vacation.
I don't have much advice for you but I have been in similar situations to your wife's on a number of occasions - sudden injury and incapacitation. Her job now is to heal, not to worry about anything else. My first serious injuries were back in the days when US doctors did not prescribe narcotic pain relievers at all. The pain made healing harder than you might expect. She should use what the doctors give her and follow their directions.
Another aspect is the depression from, as you say, "going from proud independence to being a half-cripple from one second to the next" - that is very debilitating. Please be ready for it and if your wife needs help to deal with it, makes sure you are ready to get it for her. As a social worker, she probably is aware of the resources available, but if she gets very depressed she may not seek help on her own.
Here in the US there are occupational therapists that help teach people how to work around physical limitations. They can help people learn how to function with only one working arm whether it is short term or long term. I wish I had known about them with my first really serious injury but didn't get that kind of therapy until I was in rehab after knee replacement. They teach basic things such as how to dress yourself, how to do things in the kitchen, how to be safe in the bathroom, etc.
You might check into something like that for your wife - reducing her feelings of helplessness will reduce the chance of depression. And it will allow her to remain more active which will help when she is healed enough for physical therapy.
Give my best to your wife and I hope she heals quickly with no complications. Take care of yourself, too. She will need your strength and support.