DOG JOKE

[trueblue2007]

LATE NIGHT and I'm reading Dog jokes out of an old comic book. Here you go friends - Tuesday night DOG JOKE: A Dachshund walks into a telegraph office, picks up a blank form, and writes: “Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.”

The clerk looks over the paper for a minute before telling the dog, “You know, there are only nine words here. You could add another ‘Woof’ for the same price.”

The Dachshund shakes his head at the clerk in disbelief. “But that would make no sense at all.”

[pinboy3niner]

1. Dying is easy; comedy is ruff

[Skittles]

2. HEH

here is my favorite dog joke:

A guy is driving around Arkansas, and he sees a sign in front of a
house: "Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells
him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees
a Labrador retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I
was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA
about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to
country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one
figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable
spies for eight years running."

"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting
any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the
airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious
characters and listening in."

"I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of
medals.

I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired"

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants
for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the guy says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so
cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit."

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x4993158

[panader0]

4. That dog could be my neighbor.

[lovemydog]

3. What did the Dalmatian say when he had a meal?

That hit the spots!

[trueblue2007]

5. cute joke

[Enrique]

6. a guy takes his rottweiler to the vet

because he has bad breath.

The vet picks up the dog, smells the dog's mouth for a while, looks inside for a while. Finally he turns to the guy and says "i'm sorry, I'm going to have to put him down."

the guy says, "put him down? Just because he has bad breath?"

The vet says, "no, I have to put him down because he's really heavy."

[Skittles]

10. HAR!

[magical thyme]

7. what happened when a dog went to the flea circus?

he stole the show!

[kairos12]

8. A raccoon joke

A raccoon goes into a bar and asks for peaches. The bartender says we don't have peaches here. Get out
The raccoon comes in the next day and asks for peaches. The bartender, more angry, says I told you yesterday we don't have peaches, now get out.
The raccoon comes in the third day and ask for peaches. Now the bartender is really mad and says we don't have any peaches and if you come in again I will nail you to the wall.
The raccoon comes in the next day and asks the bartender if he has any nails. The bartender says no he doesn't. The raccoon says, in that case do you have any peaches?

[olddots]

9. unfortunatley my dog joke is offensive to some people

its about licking ....................

[pinboy3niner]

11. Where do wiener dogs come from?

[Brother Buzz]

12. Did you hear about the guy who had a dog with no legs?

Every time he took him for a walk, it was a drag.

[Brother Buzz]

13. What do you call a dog with no legs?

Call him anything you want, he isn't going to come.

[A HERETIC I AM]

14. "And then he took me for a scrape 'round Dinsdales place"

(Obscure MP's FC reference)

[Brother Buzz]

15. The Piranha brothers! Dinsdale Piranha was very reasonable.

After he nailed me head to the table, I used to go round every Sunday lunchtime to his flat and apologise, and then we'd shake hands and he'd nail me head to the floor. He was very reasonable.

[A HERETIC I AM]

17. .....

[pinboy3niner]

16. A little boy buys a puppy from a pet shop...

The next day he brings the puppy back, complaining that the puppy has blisters on his feet. The owner checks and sure enough, the puppy has blisters on his feet. So he exchanges the puppy for another one.

The next day the kid comes back complaining that this puppy also has blisters on his feet--and sure enough, he does. So the owner exchanges it for another puppy.

Later the owner looks out his window and sees the kid out in front, holding the puppy and moving it back and forth rapidly on the sidewalk, going "VROOM, VROOM!" ...

[A HERETIC I AM]

18. The doctors visit.

A man goes to a specialist for a pain that won't go away. After a brief examination, the doctor leaves and a few minutes later, a nurse comes in with a purring Persian cat. She holds the cat in both hands and slowly moves the cat about the mans head and shoulders. Without saying a word, she walks out.

A few minutes later another nurse walks in leading a large, black Labrador reetreiver on a leash. He walks the dog around the exam table, gets the dog to jump up with his front paws and lick the mans face, goes to the other side and repeats the process and again, without a single word, leaves.

The doctor comes back in after a couple minutes and tells the man he will be in touch.

The man goes to the receptionist where he is handed the bill for the visit.

It is $2500.

The man yells TWENTY FIVE HUNDRED BUCKS?!? FOR WHAT?!?

The nurse calmly says "$100 for the office visit and twelve hundred each for the Cat scan and the Lab work."