"A European view of the typical American breakfast?" NO way. What's wrong with this picture?

[DFW]

[URL=.html][IMG][/IMG][/URL]

Easy to spot the error:

No American would eat a sunny-side up egg without a knife and a fork.

[Chan790]

1. I've never used a knife or fork to eat my eggs.

You break the yolk with the toast which you dip in the fatty, sunny goodness.

When that's all gone, you set the whites atop a piece of toast and eat it with your hands. Fork...pshaw! I think you've been spending too much time with the dainty continentals.

[DFW]

2. Could be

like the last 35 years?

[gvstn]

8. And we don't dirty three plates.

Slap it all together on one plate. If some bacon falls off we have the "five second" rule.

[ashling]

48. Dainty is as dainty does

The proper way to eat a fried egg is to put in on toast and smush it up into the toast, then cut ant eat with a fork - as a kid I called this "smushed egg" - even better with two fried eggs per slice of toast

nothin' dainty 'bout that

an acceptable alternative is to break them on top of hash (corned beef or sausage)

[geardaddy]

68. Or smash them into biscuits and sausage gravy. n/t

[ashling]

71. How many times do I have to tell you people?

It's BACON GRAVY !

Sausage gravy is a poor substitute for the real thing. Tastes like mud compared to
bacon gravy

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/bacon-gravy-for-biscuits/

http://www.food.com/recipe/bacon-gravy-238159

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/old-time-kentucky-bacon-milk-gravy-for-biscuits/

and


[font size = 3]Southern White Gravy, It’s all About the Bacon Grease[/font size = 3]

Southern gravy is made with bacon grease, period. Anything else is wrong

http://www.unclejerryskitchen.com/recipes/southern-white-gravy-bacon-grease/

[geardaddy]

76. I'll have to try that.

I prefer sausage to bacon though.

[mythology]

88. Heretic

Bacon is obviously objectively the correct answer. It doesn't matter the question, the answer is always, yes I would like some bacon.

[A HERETIC I AM]

102. Yes?

Sorry....thought I heard my name.

[OriginalGeek]

93. If it's English Breakfast sausage, yes

I love that stuff. But I am indifferent towards the southern sausage links and patties that everyone here serves.

I don't even know if I've ever had _real_ English sausage - just a few British pubs around here serve it and it tastes different to me so I assume that's what it is - and it's deeeelicious.

But the Jimmy Dean and Southern Pride sausage around here has some spice in it that turns me off. If it's big enough to pick out of the gravy, I'll eat the gravy on a biscuit but I won't eat the sausage.

Bacon, on the other hand, neither has, nor needs, qualifiers. All bacon is good bacon. The only problem with bacon is when you don't have bacon.

[geardaddy]

98. I love English/British/Scottish/Irish/Welsh breakfast sausage

It's got cracker meal in it, so it has a different consistency than our breakfast sausage.

[Little Star]

103. My southern grandmaw & aunts always...

made fatback gravy & biscuits. They made the best biscuits I've ever eaten. I wish I had learned how There's no better gravy than fatback gravy either, imho.

As a kid when I visited them I'd beg them to make them for me. My dang mother was the only one who never learned how to make them & I've never forgiven her for that! I wish I had been old & mature enough to have asked them to teach me They've all passed so it's too late now.

[Warren Stupidity]

3. That looks suspiciously like whole wheat toast. Obviously this is a communist breakfast.

[DFW]

4. In the south, we pronounce that "kommanist." But as for your suspicion....

Невозмoжно, товарищ !

[struggle4progress]

87. Yup! any reel murkin wudda pudda bullet innit by now!

[petronius]

5. Coffee cup and gun on the same side? What if someone tries to snitch some

bacon while you're sipping coffee? Also, why only a half-serving of bacon?

[Tipperary]

6. "half serving of bacon"!

I really did laugh out loud!

[Art_from_Ark]

32. Me, too

That was funny

[CrawlingChaos]

11. Exactly

I was always taught gun on the outside left, next to the butter knife. Not that I see any available butter, which is another giveaway.

[A HERETIC I AM]

22. Depends on when you're going to use it.

If it is to be used first, then outside of all the silverware, right or left depending on the preference of the one seated. If it is to be used constantly or always at the ready, then it should be at the top of the plate, above the dessert spoon;

[CrawlingChaos]

31. That's extremely helpful

I always feel like such a rube when I'm at a formal dinner and I'm not sure where to sit my gun.

For breakfast, I like a lighter weapon that fits comfortably into a smaller place setting (I'm not a morning person and I feel my breakfast gun should reflect that).

[malthaussen]

78. There is no handgun in that place setting. n/t

[A HERETIC I AM]

80. I was contemplating putting one in...

But I'm basically lazy, so there you go

[OriginalGeek]

94. I'm glad they clarified (napkin)

under "serviette" else I woulda thought that was a table omelette.

[Ron Obvious]

7. Only one egg?

That won't do!

Also, where's the ketchup?

[sarge43]

9. No hash browns or grits or pancakes??

How declasse

As Emily Post would remind us, the proper setting is coffee on the left, gun on the right

[Rhiannon12866]

10. LOL! I laughed, too... Good one!

[seveneyes]

12. Put the egg and bacon between the toast and hit it

[hifiguy]

13. The toast should have

the Jebus face toasted into it. Other than that...

[olddots]

14. I thought the breakfast special came with the

30 shot clip .

[clarice]

15. A French breakfast would have featured a surrender flag next to the gun. nt

[DFW]

17. That one is a little dated

I knew a guy who had fought with the British special forces in Bosnia, and he said the French forces who fought alongside him could have whipped the crap out of any American or European units that fought with them.

[Aristus]

20. Keep in mind, the only ones using that 'French surrender' crap with a straight face

are blubbery monstrosities like Rush Limbaugh, who has probably never gotten into a conflict more strenuous than Minesweeper. Give him two-for-flinching, and he'd raise a white flag as quick as blinking...

[sarge43]

35. Limbaugh wouldn't make it through the first day of boot.

I understand that the French airborne units routinely win the "meanest mothers in the valley" competition. Not to be trifled with.

[clarice]

51. Good lord !!!!!! How about a sense of humor people ????? nt

[Aristus]

52. Sorry. It's still a sore point.

Congressional Republicans made America a world laughing stock with their school playground neener-neener behavior toward everyone who opposed the American blitzkrieg and occupation of Iraq. Not the least of which reasons is the fact that France and the others were right all along.

So let the brainless bumfucks of the right tell their "jokes".

Liberals have higher standards of humor.

[discntnt_irny_srcsm]

55. Actually, if you pick the right subject...

...(or should I say wrong subject) our side sometimes sinks just as far.

I always try to see humor as humor first and commentary second.

[clarice]

56. cool. thanks. nt

[clarice]

57. Sorry Aristus, my apologies. Didn't mean to hit a sore spot. nt

[Aristus]

58. I know.

It wasn't your fault. I just hate the French 'surrender monkey' stereotype. I hate even more that a once-respected body such as the US Senate played host to such a circus act of dribbling morons who thought calling the French names was some kind of statesmanship.

[LanternWaste]

61. Good humor is given to the humorous. All else is simple rationalizing a failed joke...

Good humor is given to the humorous. All else is simple rationalizing a failed joke...

Though I realize we often blame others for our own faults.

[clarice]

63. Well then, that's a character trait that you will have to work on.nt

[Taitertots]

83. Yeah, just ask any Algerian what he thinks of the French

I don't know how the meme of French passivity and weakness came into being. They have a sordid history of oppression, torture, and genocide.

[Tom Ripley]

23. No, not really

Why it's All Bullshit:

Ask Rudyard Kipling, who once famously said about the French: "Their business is war, and they do their business." And boy howdy, a quick glance at France's history shows business is booming. Since 387 BC, France has fought 168 major wars against such badasses as the Roman Empire, the British Army and the Turkish forces. Their track record isn't too shabby, either: They've won 109, lost 49 and drawn (or as close as you can "draw" a war) 10 times. Professional boxers have been crowned world champions on shittier records than that.

And while it is true that France surrendered to Germany relatively early in WWII, that was only because they hadn't picked themselves up after WWI yet. And WWI (despite being an entire "I" lower) wasn't exactly an anemic playground chickenfight--the French suffered about 5.7 million casualties (the war killed or wounded an incredible 37 million people worldwide).

So yes, the next time around they let the Germans take over officially, but they never actually stopped fighting: the French resistance was one of the most enduring symbols of Nazi opposition in Europe. The resistance was the originator of the archetypal trench coat wearing merchants of bloody death you see in countless action movies and video games today. They blew up bridges, staged daring night raids, slit German throats while generally looking fantastic (if a little ennui-stricken) while doing it.

And not a damn thing's changed since then: France is the most underestimated military force in the world, with the third highest military spending on the planet and an estimated 300 nuclear warheads at their disposal. So basically... we might want to knock off the "coward" talk now, lest we find the impeccably-styled death squads smoking their thin cigarettes on our doorstep.

http://www.cracked.com/article_18409_the-5-most-statistically-full-shit-national-stereotypes.html

[clarice]

65. lol....that was great !!!!! nt

[LanternWaste]

60. You side-dish of American Exceptionalism is rather stale.

You side-dish of American Exceptionalism with a cup of Star-Spangled Awesome Sauce is rather stale.

[clarice]

64. I wish some people were as supportive of the American military. lol

[Wolf Frankula]

16. There are problems with this

1: The Butter is not spread on the toast

2: There is only one egg.

3: There is too much bacon, two or three slices is enough. (Rasher is an English word. Here we speak American.)

4: There is some brown stuff in the coffee.

5: Where are the utensils. There is no fork, knife nor spoon.

Wolf

[Major Nikon]

18. The biggest problem is there's no grits

...no pickled eggs, no hog brains, and no beer.

[Yavin4]

19. No cheese?

Please.

[Skittles]

21. love the gun humper coffee cup

[pinboy3niner]

24. Dumb Europeans. The plate clearly doesn't have enough bacon. nt

[DFW]

25. Well damn.

I just should have made this a "find the ten mistakes" picture thread

[pinboy3niner]

26. There's more than one?

The rest of it looks spot-on to me.

[DFW]

28. Hey, check out the other "corrections" on the thread

Ten may not be the total, but just the starting point! No doubt I'll hear that the brontosaurus burgers are missing.....

[A HERETIC I AM]

40. BTW, the Brontosaurus burgers are misssing.

Just trying to help.

[DFW]

41. I never would have noticed

Thanks for the help!

[A HERETIC I AM]

43. It's what I live for!

BTW and FWIW, in the 90's I had the chance to get over to England a few times and was taken to an English truck stop for a proper English truckers breakfast.

Eggs, sausage, "White pudding" (I think that's what they called it) which was basically blood sausage without the blood, ie fat in a casing, and the rest fades into the distance of memory.

I will never forget that white pudding crap, though. MAN, was that disgusting.

[DFW]

47. Breakfast in England is best taken in France

If you can get away, that is.......

[malthaussen]

79. I liked the baked beans, myself.:)

Eggs, chips, sausage, baked beans, toast, all slopping together on one plate. Who says the Limeys can't do food?

Mind you, the pub sandwiches were awful.

-- Mal

[alphafemale]

27. Where's the Tobasco? And black coffee.

Thanks.

[DFW]

29. i'm mostly a tea drinker myself, and live in Germany

How was I to know that you people stateside now put tobasco in your coffee?

[alphafemale]

33. We put Tobasco in our Visene.

That'll wake your ass up.

[DFW]

34. Everything else within a 3 foot radius, too, I suspect!

[sarge43]

37. Along with Tobasco toothpaste. That'll jump start ya. n/t

[niyad]

46. tabasco

[niyad]

45. tabasco

[TexasTowelie]

30. Needs picante sauce and a tortilla.

Oops, I forget that breakfast tacos are a Texas thang.

[Lady Freedom Returns]

70. Not just Texas...

Breakfast tacos are alive and well in AZ as well.

[Enrique]

81. i thought you ate kippers in Texas

cuz everyone's a millionaire.

[TexasTowelie]

82. Except me.

Plus I was personally effected yesterday when I got to Whataburger and found out that they stopped serving breakfast tacos at 9 due to the national egg shortage. Fortunately my doctors appointment went faster than usual so I wasn't starving when I left.

[betsuni]

36. As others have pointed out, mistakes were made.

Those plates seem fragile, fancy, European. Everything should be lumped together on a plain white robust American diner plate.
Whole wheat toast, no. White, cut in half on the diagonal, the margarine spread with no visible clumps.
Only one egg? Come on, (also the egg doesn't look greasy enough).
The handle of the coffee cup is too large and there's cream or something in the coffee -- if that even IS coffee, which I doubt.
Where are the pancakes, the syrup, the hash browns?
Gun, okay, but where's the Bible?

[sarge43]

38. Now we're talkin'

The only faux pas is the toast on a separate plate. Should be parked on top of the hash browns.

For the proper New England diner morning tuck in, the newspaper should be the Union Leader.

[DFW]

42. For a proper New England Sunday Brunch

Try the Harraseeket Inn in Freeport, Maine.

No guns, but unlimited fresh crèpes, fruit, and as much lobster as you can (and can't anymore) eat.
In NYC it would cost $175. In Maine? $25.95 but you have to pay for your own stretcher when they
have to carry you out of there.

[sarge43]

44. New England is the home of the classic diner

My go-to is the Sunny Day Diner in Lincoln NH. It serves a sinful Rubin, among other tempting treats.

[KamaAina]

96. No way. Jersey all the way!

[sarge43]

101. Jersey has many fine diners, but New England is their home.

Early morning in December, light snow falling (Flatlanders would call it a snow storm). The only light on in Peabody (pronounced PEBadee) is at the Sunshine Diner on Main Street. It's the only street; everything else are roads (pronounced ruds). All the road crews, Peabody's one cop and the Selectmen tank up there first thing.

Big Abby Avery, waitress, former Marine Corps DI and common law wife of Booger Sanborne, town drunk and all around asshole, serves up blacker than the heart of darkness coffee that in more urbane setting would be banned by the EPA or at least illegal in five states.

Because it will be a typical day of rooster tailing snow into freshly shoveled driveways and knocking down mail boxes, the crews tuck in a light breakfast of three eggs, just keep the bacon comin', three slices of toast, slack of pancakes, hash browns and Marie's freshly baked bear claws.

As the Selectmen, Jake, Abel and Noah, have town business to discuss (business is never discussed at the town hall) they settle for loaded omelettes, sausage and bear claw. They're worried that Old Mrs Thornton will cause trouble at the next town meetin' about the proposal to tear down the ice house that her great-great-great-great grandfather built in 1774. Benedict Arnold was supposed to have taken a leak against it.

The cop, Jimmy Rasnowski (he's from outta state), has his standard oatmeal and tea. After that encounter with the moose and the surgery, Jimmy is eating like a Flatlander, worse - some fool from California. Abel will rag on him on that if his gut gets any flatter they may have to fire him. "We got our town image to think of, Raz."

Jimmy informs Abby that Booger's in the tank again. "Good. Keep his ass there."

New Jersey diners may have the Sopranos; New England's have Noah, Raz and Abby.

[Goblinmonger]

66. What kind of sissy cuts their sausages in half?

I think that's a killin' offense here in Wisconsin.

[IDemo]

39. The same breakfast every day for me:

[dmr]

49. Those are pretty plates.

Potatoes are missing. I'd like a second egg, creamer coffee, and a set of those plates, please.

[denbot]

50. Hmmmm

Where's the extra clip?

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

53. In the doggie bag

Along with the donuts that aren't in the photo.

[WinkyDink]

54. Of course, his breakfast includes a cigarette.

[Gidney N Cloyd]

59. Don't forget the real breakfast of champions:

[jmowreader]

62. The errors I see

1) Coffee cup too small, and what's that cream shit?
2) Toast wrong color. The only way a good patriotic American eats brown bread for breakfast is if there's raisins in it.
3) Why so little bacon and so few eggs?
4) No sausage or T-bone steaks. And that sausage damn well better come in a 16-ounce roll.

5) Wood handgrips before noon is quite déclassé. Black handgrips ONLY, please.
6) No American dirties three plates at breakfast. They make cookie sheets for a reason.
7) You need silverware.
8) No jam, and way too little butter.
9) Shouldn't there be some orange juice in there somewhere?
10) There should also be taters and grits there.

[valerief]

67. No, you eat the egg with the gun. Every gun in America needs a morning sucking. nt

[DFW]

69. Probably happens more often than any of us prefer to imagine....n/t

[valerief]

75. Yeah, probably true. nt

[Enthusiast]

72. They got the amount of bacon correct but we need more eggs. And where's the pancakes?

[URL=.html][IMG][/IMG][/URL]

[Texasgal]

73. You forgot the spit cup

next to the ironing table!

[Jean Louise Finch]

74. Reminds me of the New Yorker cartoon hanging on my fridge

[IMG][/IMG]

[sarge43]

99. Perfect n/t

[TexasMommaWithAHat]

77. No grits with a little pool of butter?

And I need two eggs overeasy and only about half of that bacon.

And I can look at that mug and tell that the coffee isn't strong enough.

[Taitertots]

84. Where's the Jack Daniels?

[DFW]

89. Europeans think that's the name of the junior Senator from Tennessee n/t

[Snobblevitch]

85. I would be embarrassed for whomever

prepared that breakfast. They don't know how to cook an egg (should be at least two anyway), they don't know how to butter toast, and they cooked enoigh bacon for at least ten breakfasts. It is not possible to know if the coffee is any good. Also, the gun is too close to the plate and appears to be resting on the wrong side.

[marzipanni]

86. My breakfast was just what I wanted

Our son came with some ride-sharers from college to go to a music festival. On Sunday, before he went to the last day of the festival, my husband, son, and I went to a restaurant and sat outside so the dog could be with us, too.

[KamaAina]

90. Lose the egg, the gun,

and a little of the bacon and you've got me.

[DFW]

91. I wouldn't touch the bacon anyway

And I drink tea at breakfast, not coffee. Sweetened with apricot marmalade, cinnamon and fresh orange juice instead of lemon, please.

Actually, I go nuts at the Japanese breakfast buffets they have in Hawaii, or the ones in the Andean countries, with all those great fruits. But it's hard to forget the Harraseeket Inn in Freeport, Maine for Sunday brunch. No Japanese stuff, but any breakfast buffet that has unlimited lobster is a place I want to go to after I'm dead and seeking eternity, if there is such a thing.

[KamaAina]

92. You've been in Europe how long now?

[DFW]

95. Scary long!!!!

But this lovely lady said America was a nice place to visit, but she didn't want to live there:
[URL=.html][IMG][/IMG][/URL]

What she DID say was "come live with me on the banks of the Rhein River."

What was I supposed to say to that? Certainly not "no."

[ChristianGrey]

97. Everything tastes better with bacon

[DFW]

100. That's a dangerous generalization to make

When I was a kid, someone once sprinkled bacon on my ice cream.

The ensuing discussion was less than cordial.

[riderinthestorm]

104. Bacon ice cream is now available...in America of course!

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/maple-bacon-crunch-ice-cream-recipe.html

[DFW]

105. Ugh! I should have known n/t

[ohnoyoudidnt]

106. Only one gun? nt

[LiberalEsto]

107. You're supposed to put the egg on top of GRITS and then SHOOT IT

What part of breakfast don't these croissant nibblers understand?

[DFW]

108. I think the manual is only in English

They need German, French, and Russian translations for the uninitiated.