Pre-op instructions

[Major Nikon]

1) Drink only "clear liquids" for BREAKFAST, LUNCH, AND DINNER. Check.
2) No solid foods. Jell-O is OK. Check.
3) Coffee and tea without dairy. Check.

Doesn't say anything about beer.

I know what's for breakfast.

Doesn't say anything about whiskey either, so my prospects for lunch are looking up.

[pinboy3niner]

1. Funny, your surgeon said the same thing

Good luck!

[Major Nikon]

2. Just as long as he isn't on the same drugs

I'm getting a camera stuck up my ass, so as long as he makes the turn it should be all good.

[Joe Shlabotnik]

8. Those very personal selfies

would make some great Christmas cards! Be sure to ask!

[Major Nikon]

9. I'm going to ask if they can send them to me on my phone

That way if anyone ever doubts I'm a perfect asshole, I'll have proof.

[irisblue]

15. mine gave me a sheet of glossy photos

amazing how shiny I am inside.

[Major Nikon]

16. That's what I got last time

The problem is they weren't wallet size

[LiberalElite]

3. lucky loophole -

my instructions said AVOID ALCOHOL.

[pinboy3niner]

4. Some read that as "void alcohol," implying you have to fill up first. :) nt

[LiberalElite]

5. .

[Nac Mac Feegle]

6. The problem with alcohol in this circumstance is:

If you're completely ripped out of your tree when the 'accelerant' takes effect, and you're a sizeable distance from the bathroom, things could get 'messy'.

Dave Barry referred to it as "Going into full fire hose mode and being unable to make it to the bathroom".

He posited that the house would have to be burned down, due to the impossibility of cleaning sufficiently.


As an aside, I do recommend getting the Name Brand rather than the Generic medication. The Name Brand comes with a strap that goes on the toilet like a seat belt, to keep one from becoming airborne.

The worst part of the whole episode is the day before; the 'prep. The 'day of' is marked by some REALLY good drugs.

[Major Nikon]

7. This isn't my first rodeo

I'm seriously considering forgoing the prep and just sticking a garden hose up my ass and doing the cleanout from the other end.

[pinboy3niner]

10. Well in that case...

[BlueJazz]

14. I've heard of people doing the prep and also (on the morning of the "Probe") use one of those...

...hand shower things...with the hose. They say it keeps you from leaking ah...stuff. ....EEEuuuuu!

[Skittles]

22. SCHEDULING MAJOR NIKON FOR ASS KICKING

OH MAYBE I SHOULD WAIT

[Major Nikon]

23. Doc made me a perfect asshole

I have pics if you're interested.

[Skittles]

27. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

MOVING UP ON THE LIST; yes INDEED

[beaglelover]

11. The EPIC farts after the procedure are pretty amazing as well......scared by beagles half to death!

[Major Nikon]

13. A silver lining to be sure

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

17. I was not allowed to leave the recovery area until I had farted.

If the only thing between me and a burger is a bit of methane ...

Open the windows, start the fans, extinguish all flames, this will be big!!!11!

[beaglelover]

19. I tried and tried and tried to fart in the recovery room but could not.

They gave me some liquid drug to drink and made me roll from side to side to try and get me to fart, but didn't happen. I was SO uncomfortable but they released me anyway. I went home, ate half a sandwich, and laid down in bed with the beagles.....still SO uncomfortable.......finally about 15 minutes later, the EPIC farts happened and it was instant relief!! AHHHHHH!!!!!! LOL!!!

[sarge43]

18. Did your attending nurses wear gas masks? n/t

[CTyankee]

24. I hear the "reallly good drugs" thing and it makes me wonder...

I'm just wrecked for the rest of the day. After a colonoscopy I go home and lie in bed until those drugs wear off. I'm glad I'm out for the procedure but it sure would be nice if I felt like myself afterward.

Actually, I told the gastro doc not to sign me up again. I'm done with these things. Getting old and no colon cancer in my family. She said OK.

[lunatica]

12. this thread is a Duzy

LOL!

[lame54]

20. If you get drunk enough...

they can save money on anesthesia

[Major Nikon]

21. The anesthesia was kind of a drag

They gave me propofol, which was kinda cool for a few seconds until I passed out, but had no lasting effects after I woke up.

[CTyankee]

25. I sure did. I was a wreck. Hated that.

[Major Nikon]

29. Donno why my experience was different

After I woke up I almost immediately got dressed and walked out with very little after effects, however the prep does significantly dehydrate you which might have contributed to your woes. I was a whopping 5lbs lighter than my normal weight the morning of the procedure all due to water loss.

[CTyankee]

30. Could be. I am losing weight recently just due to appetite loss and that could have been part

of it. However, I don't ever plan on having another colonoscopy so that is that.That ship has sailed.

[Major Nikon]

31. I have a family history of polyps

So it's the ass cam every 5 years for me.

This year I told them they need to update their equipment so I can get video next time and post it on youtube.

[CTyankee]

32. well, it's a good thing for you, then. I applaud you and your docs who help you.

They are saving your life. It's a wonderful thing. They can get stuff before it gets bad...

[Xipe Totec]

26. Jell-O shots for the protein. nt

[trof]

28. THIS THREAD IS A GOLDEN GLOBE EMMY DUZY!!!

Hilarious.
Thanks for the laughs.