Litmus test...how "normal" is this?

[Miles Archer]

Friend's son moved back in with her. He's in his mid-30s, unemployed, not looking for work. Showed up 4 days ago with 2 24-packs of beer. Both gone in 4 days and a new 24 pack in the fridge. Stays up until around 2:30 AM, crashes, gets out of bed anywhere from 10 AM to noon. Sits in front of the TV all day, watches TV or plays video games. This has been the behavor for 4 days, consistently.

Normal?

[ohheckyeah]

1. It might

be normal if he's seriously depressed.

My normal was being very stoic until I had a stroke and shortly thereafter my Father died.

[Tobin S.]

2. I think you know the answer.

It's normal for alcoholics.

[elleng]

3. Thanks, Tobin.

[Miles Archer]

5. I do, Tobin, I'm just trying to react appropriately

His twin sister...according to his mother...is "bipolar / manic depressive." His mom...and his sister...had both mentioned his drinking before he arrived. I asked his mom if she was going to be OK with it and she said "He won't have a car, and he won't have any money, so there won't be any drinking." Apparently she had a change of heart and is driving him to the store and buying him beer.

Which means the writing is on the wall to tend to my own affairs, wish everyone well, and walk away.

[Chan790]

4. For some people, depressingly normal.

Other than the age, your friend's son sounds like my youngest brother (28); the one that lacks for any sort or type of ambition in life what-so-ever. My parents got pissed off and went and found him the worst back-breaking, miserable, terrible-schedule, dirty restaurant-kitchen job ever in the hopes that would at-least motivate him to find a better job...he's been "employee of the month" for 30 straight months in a one-employee workplace. (The only other people that work there are the owners.)

Drunk, staying up all night and playing video games to the exclusion of any sort of activity is apparently a way to go through life.

(and no, he's not depressed. He's just lazy and apathetic.)

[Miles Archer]

6. My take on this...and I am not a professional...is that this man is "just lazy and apathetic."

His sister is different...she seems to lack the ability to function in a normal, day-to-day manner. Her brother, on the other hand, seems to know exactly what he's doing and is a skilled manipulator (see my post above about mom driving him to the store and buying him beer).

[hunter]

7. Well, at this point he'd probably be in deep shit if he stopped drinking.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delirium_tremens

Calling an addict lazy and unambitious is not constructive.

On the other hand, being the third wheel in a codependent relationship is no fun at all.

[Miles Archer]

8. Yep, it's that third wheel thing...he's not my kid.

"lazy and unambitious" are the words that accurately describe the behavior, not intended as a judgment or condemnation of the human being. Trust me...if that were my intention, I would have taken a radically different approach to my question.

Everyone knows what has unfolded here. No one denies it at all. It's just that no one is going to step up and suggest that he get help, either. I really don't know what they are doing...hoping he will somehow "get better" in some miracle? So for now, it looks like he is going to drink a river of beer on a daily basis, sit in front of the TV, diddle with his cell phone, play video games, stay up until 2 or 3 AM, get up at 10 or 11, and live off of his mom at a time when her finances are already stretched past the breaking point.

And one thing you do not do, unless you want to bring the hammer squarely down upon your own head, is say anything to a mother about her son, no matter what the intent. She knows exactly what is going on. One one hand she's putting on a brave face about hiow nice it is to have him "home." On the other hand, she sees the empties piled up on top of the trash every morning, just like I do.

He's her son. It's her business. It kills me, but that's how it has to be.

[Amishman]

9. not normal, and sounds like he is surrounded by enablers

time for his family to start trimming back on the things that allow him to stay in his current rut, at the same time encouraging him to get his act together

[Miles Archer]

10. Trying to gently suggest that

Thank you for your observations...it's what it feels like from my point of view. Have to be very careful about approaching the subject.

[cwydro]

11. Drinking that much is a problem on any number of levels.

If he's not already, he's gonna be severely overweight as well as having a drinking problem.

Both come with serious health issues.

[Brother Buzz]

12. "Ah, beer. The cause of and the solution to all of life's problems." - Homer Simpson.