(Hoax) Drunk Navy Guy Didn't Really Use a Raccoon to Trick His Car's Breathalyzer

[Tab]

Idiots everywhere were taken in over the weekend by the irresistible story of a Navy petty officer who was too drunk to turn off the anti-DUI system on his car, so he grabbed a raccoon from a nearby park and squeezed some of its tiny, feral breath into the breathalyzer. The car started, according to the incident report, and the raccoon, rendered unconscious by the Navy man’s grip, lay on the vehicle’s floor. Of course the raccoon woke up, and of course it attacked the drunken driver, causing him to careen into a fence and end up in an in-ground swimming pool.

Seems to have started on IMGUR:


Some idiot's going to give this a go for real, I'm sure.

[LiberalElite]

2. I kinda figured it never happened

because it was too complicated, kind of like a Rube Goldberg set of events

[Tab]

3. Plus the raccoon is a tip-off

He's so drunk that he forgets about the raccoon after starting the car, but apparently had enough wits about him to capture the thing in the first place.

Cute story, tho.

[LiberalElite]

4. Yes. How drunk could

he have been to think of the raccoon?

[NJCher]

5. raccoons are ferocious

I wouldn't even try to capture one with a trap. Their claws are razor sharp. No way is a drunk going to capture a raccoon!

They are amazing animals. I had one who used to knock on the door and ask for food. Another time, I had one get in the house and hang out in my closet. I opened the door and he was standing on his legs in the back with his paws on the rod. Looked like he was perusing the garments for evening wear.


Cher

[Major Nikon]

6. When I was a kid I caught a squirrel and picked it up

It immediately turned around and bit my finger to the bone. A raccoon would be 10 times worse, at least.