That's it. I'm done. Sick of this shit. All of my nope, I am OUT!!! Completely fed up! GBCW!

[Scootaloo]

Yesterday, I stopped by the store on my way back from work. Grabbed a bunch of things, 'cause Fridays are my day off and I plan to sit on my ass the whole damn day being completely unproductive (don't judge me, you pull 13 hours on a factory floor, tell me if you want to do anything the next day.) Among the items of my purchase was a 10-pound sack of taters. Nothing special, just a bunch of russets, 'cause I'm Irish and these tubers are equal parts dietary staple and leatherman tool. I go through a lot of them.

Today, I decide, hey, it's pommes du terre o'clock, and go to slice one up for skillet fries.. .And I notice on this bag... this bag of russets, a sack of unwashed, gritty-like-batman-reboots root vegetables...

GLUTEN FREE!

This shit needs to stop. It needs ot stop now. I don't begrudge people with celiac disease. I don't even begrudge the fad-hoppers (I do judge them though. I judge them harshly!) but... But potato merchants, why are you putting GLUTEN FREE! on my taters?I forgave you when you put it on my cherry juice 'cause, I dunno, maybe you make something in your juicing plant that uses wheat, I don't fucking know.

But what I do know?
THESE: DO NOT EVER HAVE GLUTEN ANYWAY.

Now, root peddlers, I'm not accusing you of dishonesty. If anything you are being totally truthful. I just think that labeling your starchbombs as "gluten free" is on the same level as PepsiCo labeling aquafina as "fat free!" You know? Unless Coke is bottling Dasani with chunks of bacon in it, PepsiCo doesn't need to tell me that their water is fat-free. Similarly, I do not need to be told that a potato is free of that old devil gluten. Just as I do not need to be told that celery is "Vegan-friendly" or that salt "may contain sodium."

This has been the straw that broke my back. They've taken my potatoes. There's no turning back now. I'm on a path of glory. If you see on your TV that an unknown assailant has been wonking Whole Foods shoppers with a baguette, you know who it is. Wish me well, DU'ers!

[rug]

1. Feckin’ gobshites!

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. DUZY!

[PoliticAverse]

3. We're they caffeine-free too? n/t

[blogslut]

4. I bought a jar of capers from a fancy store.

I just opened them yesterday. Right there on the label "Gluten Free". Lucky I love capers or that jar would be in the trash.

[leftieNanner]

5. You owe me a new keyboard

Spit my water all over it.

Yeah. Gluten Free labels can go a little crazy. I get it. My daughters both have celiac disease and we have a GF household. But potatoes? Really?

Thanks for the rant and the chuckle, Scoot.

[Lucky Luciano]

27. Actually the gluten free nuts have made it easier for daughters to find gluten free food! nt

[leftieNanner]

59. Very True

We used to have to go to the bottom shelf in the back of the health food store and buy some packaged, chocolate covered cardboard. Now we have lots of delicious choices. I even ran a GF baking business for 5 years where I live and wrote a cookbook. It took a toll on my body though.

[Duval]

6. Wishing you well, and thanking you for the laugh!

[passiveporcupine]

7. You better not turn those taters into chili cheese fries

because if you do, they can't be labeled dairy free. And that might be the next label they want to stick on the bags.

And you better not make mashed taters and gravy, because then they won't be gluten free any more either.

[Laffy Kat]

8. Were these free-range taters? n/t

[pinboy3niner]

12. ...

[840high]

9. lol - clap clap -

[awoke_in_2003]

10. Someone should start...

selling gluten- just plain gluten. F these gluten free freaks

[Bernardo de La Paz]

14. They could give it away for no charge: Gluten -- Free ! :) . . . nt

[SalviaBlue]

15. F U back

What the hell is wrong with you people?

Enjoy your hatefest

[awoke_in_2003]

25. This is the Lounge

90% of the posts here, like the one I made, are in jest. I really have no problem with people who can't handle gluten. I probably should have used a smilie. Sorry I offended you

[SalviaBlue]

36. Thanks

I obviously overreacted. I hate the periodic threads where people that eat gluten free are called idiots and rubes. I realized the OP was meant to be humorous and that you were replying in kind... I didn't realize this was a lounge post. I should have stayed out of it. Thanks for your reply and sorry for rudeness.

[awoke_in_2003]

55. I probably shouldn't

have used the word "freaks". I come from a long line of them, and usually don't mean that word in a harmful way.

[Scootaloo]

17. It's called seitan. It's a real thing. Straight wheat protien

And yes. it's available in gluten-free. Somehow.

[nadine_mn]

26. wait what? Gluten free seitan? Is that like waterless water?

You make seitan from wheat flour...oh I am so confused.

[lunatica]

37. They call it H2O free water

[jtuck004]

21. Okee dokee

You add it when making 100% whole wheat bread.

[dlwickham]

28. You can find it in the baking aisle

It's used for breads

[qnr]

41. And so much more - I use it to to make faux chicken and beef

and various other things - in fact, I'm making some this morning. Here's a photo of some that I made before - the 'chicken' is really good too, but I don't have a photo of that.
http://qnr-pokey.blogspot.com/2016/05/making-homemade-veggie-crumbles-and.html

[spinbaby]

43. I buy it all the time

It's great for bread texture.

[druidity33]

51. They do...

it's called vital wheat gluten, otherwise known as seitan.

[pnwmom]

11. Why aren't you more irritated with the manufacturers who refuse to label the gluten

Last edited Fri Jun 17, 2016, 08:59 PM - Edit history (1)

that's in food a newly diagnosed celiac wouldn't expect to find it?

Like rice noodles? Or soy source? Or contaminated oatmeal?

Why aren't you mad at the food producers who fought Sen. Kennedy for decades about labeling common allergens -- and then only stopped their opposition when Kennedy agreed to leave gluten off the list (some of the items that are labeled affect fewer people than the number of celiac patients.)

Yes, it appears laughable to label potatoes as gluten-free. Until you find out that some gluten-free foods are handled in the same facility that's handling wheat products, and could be contaminated. And people with celiac can have reactions to even tiny amounts of contamination, just as people with peanut allergies can.

Don't get mad at a product that is labeled gluten-free, even if it seems unnecessary and redundant. Just be glad you don't have to scour every label for a hint that gluten might be an ingredient, or present as contamination.

[Scootaloo]

23. Well, if you want to be serious on a post with a Samwise Gamgee gif...

We're talking about whole, raw potatoes. If it were prepackaged mashed potatoes, I could dig it. Really, I could. But putting hte label on a raw, still-dirty tuber seems as silly to me as shrink-wrapping it.

As I said, I don't begrudge people who actually suffer from celiac. But I also know there's a big stupid fad around "gluten free" as well, and labeling a sack of muddy root vegetables as such is part of that fad.

And for what it's worth, I'm not mad (well, not in the "angry" sense) I just think it's a silly thing I found on some packaging.

[pnwmom]

24. It's hard not to be serious about something that makes you bleed.

Which is the case for me.

People with celiac have an enormous problem with labeling. Medications are a particular problem, because generic drug manufacturers don't have to label their filler ingredients -- and they don't.

So if some potato manufacturer wants to brag that they are gluten-free, I applaud them. I wish all food producers clearly labeled their products when they contain gluten -- but they don't. So the alternative is for producers of gluten-free foods to label them. And if they sell some more potatoes that way, good.

Maybe more manufacturers will end needless contamination so they can sell gluten free foods, too.

[progressoid]

40. Shrink wrapped.

Yeah, I saw sweet potatoes shrink wrapped in the store.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

13. At least they weren't artisanal potatoes.

[azurnoir]

16. wishing you well and I'll add something to wonk those WholeFoods shopper with

should send them into a downright tizzy of confusion

[cannabis_flower]

38. Actually..

Glutinous rice is gluten-free.

The misleading name simply comes from the fact that glutinous rice gets glue-like and sticky when cooked. Why is it so sticky? It all comes down to starch content: the starch in rice has two components, amylose and amylopectin.

http://www.thekitchn.com/is-there-gluten-in-glutinous-rice-204053

[azurnoir]

50. I know that I cook it all the time

[Biki]

18. On Target!

Thank you for this fabulous laugh!! And I'm sure the PR dingbats at Aquafina and Deasani have mulled it over. Just a matter of time!

[Night Watchman]

19. May You be Half an Hour in Heaven...

before Monsanto knows you're dead!

[L. Coyote]

20. Wow, the Lounge made the front page.

[Jack-o-Lantern]

22. Very funny, my wife almost died from a gluten allergy. Hey, did you hear the about the kid who died

...from inadvertently eating something with peanuts in it? Bet that one had you rolling on the floor laughing your ass off.

[Locrian]

29. absolutely

I just love it when people have food allergies or some kind of sensitivity that gets made fun of. Always good for a laugh when people have trouble breathing of have to shit blood.

Never mind it's not the people that are putting gluten free of peanut free on vegetables, but marketing genius's that are just to stupid to think of anything. Makes it so much easier to really get after manufactures who are not correctly labeling ingredients, you now, cause the whole thing is just so stupid

[Lucky Luciano]

31. I don't think he is making fun of those with food allergies.

Just making fun of the people jumping on a fad that do not have celiac disease - probably the same people who are anti-vaxxers, believe in the power of crystals, etc.

[Delver Rootnose]

52. Like the people who...

..say they are gluten intolerant but yet think nothing of going out for a couple beers.

[A HERETIC I AM]

30. "I don't know what gluten is....

But apparently, it's delicious!"

The late John Pinnette

https://m.

[progressoid]

39. It broke the toaster!

[nadine_mn]

48. Oh I loved him so much - "my cherub like demeanor"

is something I say often - usually when I am really crabby.

[Old Crow]

32. LOL! K&R

[SheilaT]

33. Yes. First off, those with celiac disease or even gluten intolerance

need to educate themselves about what gluten is, and what actually contains gluten.

I read a serious article recently that pointed out that those who start consuming "gluten free" foods are probably going to experience nutritional deficiencies and pay more money for their food.

Again, those with celiac disease or genuine gluten intolerance are one thing, but jumping on the fad is ridiculous. Who remembers the fat free fad a while back? Yes, you in the back. You raised your hand. Remember eating an entire package of fat-free cookies, thinking somehow that fat-free was the same as calorie-free? Uh, huh.

Among the reasons I have little patience for vegetarians is that they don't understand that humans evolved as omnivores, and we need a wide variety of food, including meat. Same with those who've jumped on the paleo bandwagon. The other day I saw a magazine for paleo eating, mainly recipes I think, and on the cover were avocados. Really? Our distant ancestors had avocados? I don't think so.

We became fully human by eating meat and cooking our food. Human evolution continues, which is why things like sickle cell anemia are around.

[Delver Rootnose]

53. Yea the other day someone said to me....

..soy is bad for you and that we should be eating meat and pales more often. If told her tell that to the millions of Asians that soy is a staple for. (But it should probably be fermented just like corn needs to be nictamalization (sp)). Also I said if we were ment to eat only meat your teeth would be more like a cats.

[MynameisBlarney]

34. This reply is Gluten Free.

Seriously though, what a hilarious post! Made my day!

[panader0]

35. During my two year flirtation with vegetarianism,

my ex used to make gluten roast. It was seasoned and baked like a meatloaf and had an almost meat-like
texture. We broke up and I went carnivore again.

[qnr]

42. Perhaps it's a joke. I advertise my screen printed tees

as being 100% gluten free.

[yellerpup]

44. Hi, my body does not tolerate gluten.

And anyone who HAS to be gluten-free already knows that potatoes are gluten free. However, a friend of mine stressed over planning a menu so she could invite us (he eats everything!) to dinner and 'had heard' that potatoes had gluten. So, the only benefit I can see by marking regular spuds as gluten free is to make it easier for people who have dinner guests to know at a glance, and not have to search the internets. Sorry you had a bad day.

[Matrosov]

45. I understand perfectly

The other day I bought a package of bacon. It was advertised as gluten-free.

I probably laughed longer than I needed to cook it

[Marty McGraw]

46. I know what you mean...

I remember back some finding 'Dolphin Safe' Stickers on my 1 gallon milk jugs. Had me perplexed for days thinking of beach-combing herds of cows making a meal of anything swimming to close to shore.

[zappaman]

47. I hear ya.

I bought some chocolate chip cookies a week ago.
One bite and WTF?
They tasted awful.
Oh, should have looked at the label...gluten fucking free.

[SheilaT]

56. The one or two times I've had something gluten free it

tasted awful.

Once I bought low-fat (I think that's what they were) crackers. I've eaten tastier cardboard.

[George II]

49. I'm 68 years old and never heard the word "gluten" before about 2-3 years ago.

BTW, my post is gluten-free.

[Delver Rootnose]

54. But we're they....

...cholesterol and fat free?

[Spitfire of ATJ]

57. Old lady opens foldded lettuce leaf, "Where's the beef?"

[Urchin]

58. People probably

shouldn't be eating potatoes at all.