Cheating on your spouse, what's worse?

[NightWatcher]

I'm a private eye and tonight's subject went to an Asian massage parlor while his wife was out of town and it got me thinking.

Is there a spectrum of which is less worse and which is more worse when it comes to cheating on your spouse?

Is it worse to cheat on your spouse with an ex?
A hooker?
A Hooters girl?
A random hook up?
A coworker?

Would you kill (or leave) your spouse if they did any of these or would you let them slide if it were just a handjob?

My guy from tonight is toast because the client has been getting a ton of leverage to use against him and this is not the worst thing he's done.

[In_The_Wind]

1. I did divorce my ex because I found proof positive that he was dating his ex-girlfriend.

Yes, some infidelities are worse than others.

Years ago I gave serious thought to becoming a PI. I still wish I had.

[seaglass]

2. Any that included an emotional connection would FEEL worse but all of them would result in

bye bye.

[NightWatcher]

4. Pretty much my feeling on the matter

[haele]

3. I don't think there's a measurable spectrum -

Because everyone has different expectations of what fidelity is within their personal relationships, for instance:

If a person is not so concerned about sex as a measure of fidelity in a relationship, anything up to an affair with an ex or a co-worker might be acceptable if communicated honestly to them and the spouse/SO uses protection.

If a person considers sex as a measure of fidelity, then a spouse or SO just appearing to be casually interested during a nude scene in an R-rated movie is the equivalent to cheating on them. (I know a woman who is so anxious about her self-image, she refuses to let her husband watch HBO or go to an R-rated movie because he might be thinking about those women later on...)

And this can go for either a man or a woman.

Me - well, I expect communication and honesty in a relationship. I am confident in myself, and I know where I am sexually and where my spouse is sexually.
So, if sexual expectations are something that we are not totally compatible with, so long as he's honest and we talk it out first and lay out ground rules, I am open to what he needs to do to maintain an even keel. Just as I expect him listen to me and to be open to what I need to maintain myself.

The cheating, the lying, the sneaking around is the deal-breaker. Not the sex outside a relationship.

Haele

[nadine_mn]

7. I agree with you 100%

It's the lying and sneaking that would hurt more for me

[CherokeeDem]

8. I agree...

While I wouldn't be happy with my SO having sex with someone else, it would be the lying and sneaking around that would hurt the most... such betrayal.

We have an agreement. If I see a sexy man or photo or something that excites me, I tell him or share the photo, etc with him. The same if he sees a woman, photo whatever he likes. He feels as long as we share things together we will be fine and so far, it works.

[MissMillie]

5. Anything that destroys trust is unacceptable

If two people can't trust each other, they have nothing.

[nadine_mn]

6. For me emotional cheating is worse

I have told my husband (when he has had trips out to Vegas) if he wants to visit a brothel - fine with me, if he gets a happy ending at a massage no problem. I am pretty much his first and only (minus a college awkward night), he was raised extremely suppressed Catholic so his comfort level and experience is well...you get it.

So far he hasn't taken me up on it - I probably eliminated the thrill of the taboo by packing condoms in his luggage.

But if he were to engage in an emotional affair with a co-worker (w/ or out physical intimacy) that would be the breaking point for me.

Everyone has their own line in the sand. Before I got married, I used to think any cheating would be a kick out the door. Now that I have been married for 18 yrs, I feel a lot differently. I love my husband with all my heart and cannot imagine just walking away. We have been through so much together and survived a lot of crap.

[catbyte]

9. Nope. No difference. My marriage would've been over the second he unzipped his fly in front

of a woman other than me unless she was a trained medical professional & he had a health issue. I can honestly say that neither my late husband nor I ever cheated on each other in the 31 years we were together. I've known women who were able to overlook random hookups because "it was just sex", but they wouldn't forgive an emotional connection. However, their marriages were forever damaged and in some cases ultimately doomed because of the cheating.

That guy sounds like a real prince. I hope she nails his ass to the wall.

[panader0]

10. What's worse? Okay: Cheating on your spouse while she's

out of town on company business in her same bed and forgetting to clean
the kitty litter boxes the time she was away. The gal you cheated with left her undies
under the bed.

[Nac Mac Feegle]

11. Your spouse cheating on you, just for the fun of it

Then lying and denying it when you have proof.

And literally supporting him with your money, not hers.

[True Dough]

12. OP, you forgot about cheating with a SO's sibling

That's how it always went down on Jerry Springer, wasn't it? Or sometimes the mother or the daughter, etc.?

How long have you been a PI, NightWatcher? Where do you get training for such a thing? Is it mostly ex-cops? What's the most disturbing thing you've witnessed?

[Kennah]

13. Cousins are still OK, right?

[PassingFair]

14. My husband and I promised to forsake all others sexually when we got married.

I would understand if he fell in love with someone else. It would mean divorce, but I would forgive him and move on. It would mean that he had fallen out of love with me. I could never forgive him for paying someone else for sex or throwing away what we have for a one night fling.

Not while I am so in love with him, and have been for 30 years! 😍

[Hassin Bin Sober]

15. How do you know the guy didn't have a crick in his neck?