was delivering to a trailer on a lonely dirt road late at night. Houses were few and far between and most mailboxes had, at best, partial numbers on them. Some had none at all but my Mapsco* assured me I was in the right area so I park the car and get out at the most likely gate in front of a run-down trailer.
Before I even got to the gate the trailer door burst open and this fat hillbilly in greasy, stained sweat-pants and unbuttoned shirt with his shiny belly hanging low came stumbling down the steps waving a big fucking chrome revolver asking about "WHATCHOO DOIN ON MAH PROPPITTY!?"
and here I am with my pizza guy uniform on, standing in front of my car with the big lighted pizza guy sign on top and holding a big pizza bag with pizzas in it and I think "What the fuck do you think I'm doing you inbred piece of shit?" but I said out loud "I'm just the pizza guy sir...is this [numbers numbers address]?"
"Yeah *burrrp* I didn't order no fuckin pizza..." wildly waving gun around but, so far, not pointing it directly at me.
I gave him the name on the order and he said "Oh, that's my renters out back...you stay there, they'll come to you" and he went back inside. He must have called them because a few minutes later a young couple came out from around back to collect the pizza.
I'm all "What's up with that fucking guy?" and they're like "yeah, he kinda scares us too but the rent is cheap. Thanks for coming out..." 5 dollar tip and I'm on my way.
I didn't realize it until I got back to the shop but I was shaking. I debated calling the cops on the fucker but I never did.
Other than that I loved delivering pizza though. lol. It was a ridiculously fun job you could do without thinking. I worked all day at a real job and did pizzas at night for lunch and cigarette money. I didn't make much but between real job and the pizza jobs (I worked for more than one company because they only did part-time and I needed to work every night) but it was enough so my wife didn't have to work and she could take care of the kids. (Day care would have been more than she made and our daughter had special needs so no point in her working).
Thankfully I gave up smoking years ago and I am established in my career so I no longer have to work 2 jobs and she works to not be too bored with all the kids grown and she makes our cruise money.
but goddamn that loony fucker with the gun. He's one of the specific deliveries I remember and it's not fun like all the naked ladies and/or big tips I remember. He's ruining my pizza memories.
*For those of you who don't remember the prehistoric times before google maps we had analog maps. Mapsco was the go-to cross-reference for street addresses used by delivery folk everywhere.
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