Need some help from southerners here.

[erinlough]

I'm from Michigan and around here people are blunt and very open. When I am down south I don't know how anyone feels, I can't read them. One time I was in Tennessee and mentioned to a store clerk how friendly everyone was, she had told me she was a transplant from my state. She counceled me that the smiles are real only if your passing through not if you try to live there. When I was a kid and we would travel to Florida to see my grandparents I would see banners on the highway Yankees go home. So my question is, how do you negotiate and understand southerners? I have handled my discomfort by just not traveling to the south, not a good way to compensate. I tend to try to understand everyone, but the south has me stumped.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

1. I'm a northerner, too, so I can't be much help.

I do know that if someone says, "Well, bless your heart!" they are really saying "Fuck you." And my experience has been that one of the first questions that might be asked of you is what church you go to, which to most northerners seems kind of nosy and rude.

[luvMIdog]

2. I really don't know how to answer you

What part of the south are you curious about? And if you would like to know what the ignorant bigots say I'd suggest asking on a Republican message board

[brer cat]

3. The hospitality is generally real.

"Yankees go home" usually indicates someone from your neck of the woods was on their high horse, and Southerners do not take kindly to put-downs from people whose ancestors came from inferior parts of the country. It takes many generations to wash out the Yankee, so don't get impatient. If anyone says "bless your heart" watch out. That can be the Southern version of "just sayin'" to soften an insult just delivered or a very sweet way of saying "f-you."

[safeinOhio]

4. I'm bi-culture

Born in the Sourh, now living in Michigan. For me it's the opposite. While down South I know in seconds who I'm dealing with. Been fooled many times up here.

[Loge23]

5. I wouldn't put much thought to this

Overall people aren't that different from place to place. Yes, the south has a disproportionate share of people who haven't been exposed to quality education, culture, or diversity. Remember that many parts of the south only ended segregation in the 70's & even the 80's. The scars of that segregation are still raw in many places.
There's a ton of rural areas in the south and that insularity creates its own narrow world view.
I'm a transplant from NYC to FL. I've been here 28 years now. I've met just as many enlightened educated progressive people here as I knew in NY - it's the company you keep.
I still see the rednecks driving their pickups with an oversized confederate flag stuck in the bed and I still see southern natives with funny accents both left and right who clearly regard people of color differently than I do; but that's how they grew up and the same goes for the people of color who are natives here.
So how do you understand this? One person at a time. You'll be surprised at what you find.
That said, I live in SoFL and the saying here is the further north you go, the further south you get!

[mahatmakanejeeves]

18. "... the south has a disproportionate share of people who...."

"... the south has a disproportionate share of people who haven't been exposed to quality education, culture, or diversity....

Oh, cut the crap.

[TexasBushwhacker]

32. I agree

I'm not so sure that small towns and rural areas in the north have gotten better education, culture and diversity. I was born in Houston and have lived here most of my life. We're the most diverse city in the US.

[Blanks]

6. I just don't care...

I grew up in Idaho, they didn't like people from elsewhere either. I lived in Kansas for 16 years, I was never one of them.

I lived in Louisiana for a couple of years. They have a saying "just cause puppies are born in the oven don't make 'em biscuits" or some silly such nonsense. Even your kids won't ever be welcome.

I've lived in Arkansas for 14 years or so, and I don't give a shit whether they like me or not (they don't).

If you're gonna live somewhere that you aren't from, your best bet is to make friends that aren't from there either.

Whatever you do, don't try to be something you're not. I've run into plenty of decent folks, but there's nothing you can do to get closed minded people to open their minds. If they don't like 'foreigners' you aren't gonna change their mind.

[luvMIdog]

7. I will share a funny story though-

This bigoted old republican lady at work was whining to me about her 'Yankee' daughter in law. She said " You know they aren't like us they do things different." I said back to her " Isn't your son an ex con meth dealer that got his eyeball knocked out in prison? Damn lady I'd think you would be grateful he got a date with anybody!" She shut right up.

[elleng]

15. HAHAHA!

[Croney]

8. I think I understand your question.

But imagine if someone said, "I'm uneasy in the North." It's just too broad a term to use. I do like the reply about religion, if you have to sweep all Southerners into one category. There is a widespread assumption that everybody is, or should be, a Christian.

I'm looking through my own lens, which might be narrow. I'm from Louisiana but have lived in Massachusetts for 44 years. I'm an atheist in a Baptist family of origin. So, it's really hard to generalize about people; we all have layers. If you just look at individuals you meet, and don't try to put them in a certain group, you'll find as much variety in the South as in the North.

But yes, there are more stupid Drumpf supporters down there. That's for sure.

[erinlough]

9. This helps a lot.

We aren't thinking of moving down south but these suggestions help in traveling. We went to eastern Kentucky to visit a cousin who moved to a religious retirement village there. It was in the hills, no store other than dollar general. The locals helped us find the community and warned us not to get too far off the main roads! People all said the same things, you're not from around here are you. I wondered if we just looked funny because this was before we said one word!

[luvMIdog]

10. a religious retirement village? ugh I hope they just shoot me instead

What a horrible way to end up. That would be my nightmare.

[erinlough]

16. That is exactly what I said to my husband!

When we got there though all the people were ministers, teachers and ministers wives. The community has a mission of service and they are out in the wider surrounding communities really helping. It still wouldn't be for me, but it was cool.

[dixiegrrrrl]

11. I transplanted to the South over 30 years ago

and what I learned is you have to think of Southerners as casually formal...

You can strike up a conversation with any southerner, and they will talk and talk about general things forever, but you will not know what they are really thinking, esp. about politics and religion unless they know you well, cause that is not discussed outside of close friends, family, or a topical meeting.
See, that is the secret to how people get along down here, where most live with a very strong sense of community.
You HAVE to get along, so you don't talk about divisive stuff on a casual basis.

any southerner with decent manners will not speak negatively to someone they do not know well.

and there are subtle ways to recognize what they are thinking, but it takes time to learn the code, so to speak.
half the time the code is in what is not said.


so to get along on a casual basis, just practice good manners, say please and thank you and say nice things about what you like about being in the South, and before you know it, people here will be saying " why. she was so nice you couldn't even tell she was a Yankee".

[Panich52]

17. Excellent advice

I'm a "northern Southerner" — from slightly north-central WV. Friendly folk, and helpful, as long as they don't know you're an atheist, or you talk left-leaning politics. They'll still help, but w/o smiling. 😜

[dixiegrrrrl]

19. We lucked out....

when we bought this house, the couple next door came to welcome us and the first thing she said was
"Please tell me y'all are democrats".
I have no idea how long the silence would have been if I had said no.....

[Panich52]

36. :D

[doc03]

12. I am from Ohio on vacation in Florida. I always find the people that are friendly here usally turn

out to be from up north. I think there are more people from up north here than native Floridians.

[Mariana]

34. My experience as well

when I visit my folks in Florida, and also when I lived in Texas. I suppose the natives might be friendly with each other, but with many of them, as soon as they hear the accent you can feel the hostility.

This is not everyone, of course, not even a majority, but it happens regularly. Of course, my parents live in northwest Florida, deep red territory. I guess a lot of the people there equate "person from the northeast" with "godless liberal who voted for Obama" which is the worst thing anyone can be as far as they are concerned.

[moonscape]

13. "We don't care how you did it up North" was a

telling bumper sticker.

It was the complaint people in my mom's retirement community used to have: people coming from colder climates to the South, then complaining via comparisons to the environs they left.

People are people. If you're interested in them, don't lecture, and are open, most people are pretty darn accepting.

[Buckeye_Democrat]

14. It depends on the area.

Last edited Wed Mar 8, 2017, 10:08 PM - Edit history (1)

My parents both grew up on farms in Northern Kentucky, and the people from that area were generally very friendly. Not just their relatives, but strangers too.

Areas near Knoxville TN seemed very friendly. Restaurants were full of people talking to each other joyously, so it actually provided more "privacy" when I talked to my own family compared to some places in the East where people acted uptight and afraid to talk!

I stopped for gasoline in Tuscaloosa AL on my way to the Sugar Bowl (Ohio State vs. Alabama) while wearing some Buckeyes clothing, and a group of young people stared at me like I was crazy. I smiled and waved, and they immediately smiled and waved back. They seemed to genuinely be in a good mood after that! So that seemed nice.

On the other hand, there are some parts of Southern Ohio where several of the people acted hostile to me no matter how polite I behaved around them! I was also surprised by their strong "Southern" accents, which was far more noticeable than in the area where my parents were raised further South. I think they used to be coal mining areas. The former coal mining areas in KY seemed less friendly overall too.

Here's a recent post about an experience in Southern Ohio almost 30 years ago:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=8767162

Edit:

My older brother could describe different cultures better than me because he's traveled all over the country. I think he'd agree that there's "pockets" of different behavior all over the place, sometimes not too far from each other.

I'm sure there's some former coal mining areas where the people are extremely nice and welcoming too. Like many people, I look for patterns based on my experiences (which might be too limited sometimes).

[Bayard]

20. I'm a Kentuckian

I have to admit, I feel pretty insulted when people here proclaim that everyone in KY is a deplorable imbecile. We're not all father-rapers and mother-stabbers. Louisville and Lexington are fairly cosmopolitan, but still with some southern charm (I'm from Louisville originally). Eastern KY seems to have been left behind for the most part. One thing you'll find in every part of the state though, and most of the South, is that tradition matters. I still tear up when they play, My Old Kentucky Home, before the Derby every year. I didn't realize how ingrained it was until I moved to other states.

I've also lived in Indiana, Minnesota, Ohio, and Calif. My parents were from South Carolina. I've been to many other states. One of the friendliest places I've ever visited is New Mexico. They'll invite you in for dinner at the drop of a hat. I remember flying out there for several vacations from Cincinnati. You could tell the people from Ohio because they were tight-lipped and looked suspicious (kind of what I found living there for 12 years). The people going home to New Mexico were having a grand old time, talking, laughing, and making new friends. Still wish I'd moved there instead of Calif.

It was comforting to finally move back to my home state, where everyone from the cashier to emergency room staff calls you sweetie or honey. It doesn't feel insincere to me. More like a way to connect. I've never seen anything particularly aimed at Yankees, but you do see the occasional Confederate flag. My observation of those people here is that, it has nothing to do with tradition or history. They just think its hilarious. They'd be assholes no matter where they lived.

Larger cities like Atlanta and RTP in NC have so many transplants from all over the world, they don't feel that southern to me anymore.

[Buckeye_Democrat]

22. Tight-lipped Ohioans.

You could tell the people from Ohio because they were tight-lipped and looked suspicious (kind of what I found living there for 12 years).

Compared to Northern Kentucky (where my parents were raised), that's probably true overall. I've observed far worse, though. I was with my brother and his wife in a "planned community" in Maryland years ago, and it was bizarre how uptight and quiet the people there seemed. Most of them were fairly young and probably very career-oriented, so maybe they were all busy thinking about their jobs?

Germany was more that way. I traveled there to see another brother (in the Air Force), and the Germans would quietly eat (never talking) while staring at us with blank expressions, like they were watching a TV and waiting to be entertained. Unfortunately for them, my family was boring.

Article about German stares: http://www.spiegel.de/international/the-germanic-stare-down-watcha-lookin-at-granny-a-418068.html

[get the red out]

26. Spot on

I grew up in eastern Kentucky and live in Lexington, KY, and friendliness is genuine, and an asshole is going to be an asshole anywhere. One of my good friends is from Chicago and she has had trouble with people taking bluntness for rudeness, but people have different ways of expressing themselves everywhere.

Even a lot of people with deplorable voting habits are in reality very nice. I don't know anyone who hates northerners. Keep in mine that a lot of people migrated from KY north for jobs in the 60s, so people have A LOT of northern cousins, I know I do!

[Bayard]

30. Hello Lexington!

I'm hoping to make it to Kentucky Horse Park next month for the Rolex 3-Day event. Really missed it when I lived in Calif.

[get the red out]

31. Louisville

And I will be in Louisville this Saturday training my dogs! (Better dog agility training places in the Derby City).

[LeftInTX]

21. I've lived in South Texas for 35 years

People are more casual here, a bit more open. I'm from Wisconsin. I find the people up there to be a bit more focused on details. Maybe it is the cold winters. And maybe people are more casual here due to the constant heat. I live in a 50% Hispanic community.

[cwydro]

23. Let's see. What "southerners" are you talking about?

White southerners? Black southerners? Southerners (like me) who were born and bred in the south, but have parents from another country? Southerners who live in cities like Atlanta and Charlotte, or southerners who live on farms way out in the country? Southern lawyers or southern ditch diggers? Southerners who live near the beach or southerners who live in the mountains?

What a silly question.

I've lived in the south all my life, and I have never seen a "yankee go home banner." Never.

Do you live in Detroit? If not, are the people you live amongst the same as someone from Detroit? How about the same as those who live in Massachusetts? Vermont? Are New Hampshire folks the same as those from NYC?

Laughable. not even a credible attempt at south-bashing. Smh.

Trashing thread.

[erinlough]

35. I'm really not trying to bash honestly.

It is my own fault that I don't understand, just looking for insight. If I offended you I am truly sorry.

[janterry]

24. Regional Differences

I think there are some regional differences, though - of course, not everyone conforms to that!

I grew up in NY and lived in MA and moved to N. FL (and worked in areas that are really the 'deep' South - very rural, and often quite poor).

There were, in the places that I worked, certain expectations about people - most having to do with being Christian and others about gender roles. I think that many 'outliers' (non-Christians - even feminists , live in those areas - but having grown up in the area, they sort of find a way into the landscape of the town. Often, they are described through their relationships with others (the brother-in-law or great niece of so-and-so), and because they can contextualize them as neighbors - or the relations of 'neighbors,' they have a way of discussing them and their 'otherness' with some level of respect. IME - and in these areas, people often need time to find a way to understand 'otherness.'

I was always just the Yankee, who didn't quite belong.......and we didn't much discuss MY religion (though I heard quite a bit about theirs). They were nice and respectful, but they needed a way to grapple with my 'otherness.' I guess we both settled on the fact that I really didn't fit in.

In the North, the back story isn't as important. People sort of take you without your history - feminist or not, christian or not. I realize that's also a broad generalization of the North (so, it sure doesn't fit for everyone!), but those are my initial thoughts..............

[duncang]

25. People are people

Really you can find the same "personas" anywhere. There may be different accents, but on the whole the same people. Too many times people will see something on tv, the movies, or just passing through a area see that one item which biases their view, and think that's it. When southerners go up north sometimes they are treated like they are somehow inferior, backward or "slow". Or automatically a "cowboy" or only listen to country music, wear boots and know how to line dance. Not that way. When you actually have time to sit down and talk to someone you see the commonalities.

If you met me in real life you might think big ugly biker, big ugly hippie dude, or big ugly cowboy all according to what I am wearing at the time. That first impression is what sticks in peoples mind. But I am not my clothes. I'm me.

[LexVegas]

27. Bullshit. nt

[Watchfoxheadexplodes]

28. Never heard a woman belch or pass gas until Chicago

Spent ten years there and off hand I would say people you meet off hand, clerks, restaurant staff, bars. People are not as genuine as down south. Had a lady in Chicago tell me "well I'm not helpless" as I held the door for her. Another got bent out of shape when I replied yes ma'am.

I live in a very rural area of S.C. Just this morning I noticed most oncoming drivers lifting hand as we pass.

Maybe crowds make people skeptical of each other.

[alarimer]

29. The friendliness is a bit overstated, in my opinion.

"Bless your heart" really means "fuck you." I see many others have made the same point.

And actually, I do think people are nice enough. But in general, especially in the big cities, the old stereotypes do not hold anymore.

I wouldn't spend a lot of time worrying about it. I don't think you really need to adjust your way of thinking/being when there.

[OriginalGeek]

33. Native Floridian

but from birth to high school never went 2 full years in a row to the same school. I'm 53 and the farthest north I've lived is Maryland which is still south of the Mason Dixon line. I've lived in Florida 3x, GA, KY, NC, MD, and Texas where I moved in 3rd grade but we still wandered around the DFW metroplex until I went to high school all 4 years to a private christian school.

Even though I am southern I was treated as the outsider everywhere I lived. So don't feel special lol. When I was in third grade we had just moved back to Jacksonville from Maryland I remember the neighbor kid asking me if I was a Yankee or a Rebel because I talked differently than he did. I said I didn't even know what those mean but apparently he decided I was a rebel for being born in Tallahassee and that was good enough for him. We were friends that school year until I moved out to Texas

I've lived here in Orlando for 33+ years now and that's longer than everywhere else combined but I love to travel. I don't give a damn if my accent tells folks I'm from elsewhere. I don't give a damn if a clerk is smiling at me because he has to or because he likes me. Waitresses everywhere call me sugar and honey and whether they mean it or not I feel warm because of it.

I be nice to everyone and mostly get nice back. I have friends with redder necks than mine and friends with bluer blood than mine and it seems to me it's all just people.

Of course, I don't generally lead with "Hi, I'm a liberal atheist..."

Oh and, no, we don't care how you did it up north. Except for Pizza. I do care very much how you did that up north because I love that stuff and would encourage you to keep doing it that way down here.

[davsand]

37. Mind your manners and it's all good.

I'm a farm girl from Illinois. Let me tell you, that by itself leaves you feeling like an alien sometimes. Not too many of us left anymore. It wasn't until I was an adult and on my own that I realized just how much of my upbringing was rooted in what my mom called "manners" and taste. Lotta old school stuff about what color shoes to wear, when to wear them, what colors to wear to funerals and weddings, and how much skin you show (if at all!)

You ALWAYS use please and thank you, and you always smile and either speak or nod when you know somebody. You wave at the people in cars--the farmer wave is an index finger raised and a nod along with it will suffice in a lot of cases. You make small talk with people. How are you? How is your day? If it is somebody you know you ask after their family. Your word means something or else *you* mean nothing.

I adhere to that to this day. It is automatic, and it runs deep. I know that some would call it a southern attitude, I know that some call it small town. It also is how people everywhere seem to like being treated. From south Texas (loved it except for the giant flying roaches and the wildfires. That Teas BBQ is da bomb!) to Miami (loved the vibrancy of the city along with that Cuban food!) to Tuscaloosa Alabama (Roll Tide!) to Chicago to Louisiana, I have never felt ill treated for being from someplace else. I truly think people are who they are, and you get back what you give out.

YMMV, but I say go be excellent to people, and have a blast!

Laura