We Still Like Beer

[TexasTowelie]

By Anthony Mariani


Let me get this out of the way first by saying that bars should remain open at limited capacity, especially if they have outdoor seating and strictly enforce mask wearing. Most of the bar owners I know and know of are responsible and are abiding by COVID restrictions. My old argument is that if you’re going to close bars, you also should close gyms and churches, and since gyms and churches were allowed to open several weeks before bars were allowed to in the great Republic of Texas, I’m ptting all three in the same little box for rhetorical purposes.

You would also like to think that Code Compliance, TABC agents, and cops know better than to crash Lola’s Trailer Park (open air) or Tarantula Tiki Lounge (capacity strictly limited, small patio) instead of some spots on West 7th that are packing bodies inside on the reg. We’ve all seen the pictures on Fakebook of the crowded rooms. There’s no way social distancing is being practiced, and it’s criminal. Tell me which cops do you have to pay off to have them look the other way while you’re throwing ragers in cramped quarters during a raging rager of a pandemic. Seriously, the whole world and the families of nearly 250,000 dead Americans want to know.

As much as I want bars to stay open — in the oh so eloquent words of actual Associate Supreme Court Justice Brett Michael Kavanaugh, “I still like beer” — I want people to remember to be safe. It’s sad I have to say that. I understand. We threw off the shackles in August and September, which makes reverting back to lockdown seem that much more cumbersome. You know what else is cumbersome? The weight of hundreds of pounds of soil falling over your head in the tomb. Mask up, keep the lockdown at bay. It’s simple, um, math.

Of course, this conversation would just be a fever dream in my head while lying awake in bed at night trying to effing sleep if the person we shall all soon giddily refer to as “disgraced and disgraceful former U.S. president Donald J. Trump” had shown any respect for science. Had we instituted a lockdown from March until about June, and had soon-to-be disgraced and disgraceful former U.S. president Donald J. Trump invoked the Defense Protection Act to pound out PPE and tests, and had Congress delivered a massive relief package to pay people and business owners to stay home, and had soon-to-be disgraced and disgraceful former U.S. president Donald J. Trump mandated masks and mass testing, we would not only not be in the sad, scary condition we are, but I guarantee you that soon-to-be disgraced and disgraceful former U.S. president Donald J. Trump would have won reelection easily. As glad as I am that he didn’t — his sins and offenses, chief among them plain dumbassery, are simply too myriad to comprehend or numerate — I wish he would have if only if that would have meant fewer dead Americans. I wouldn’t have voted for him regardless, but I wouldn’t be celebrating his loss as much as I am. Once again, like Brett “Blatz” Kavanaugh, “I still like beer,” and since Uncle Joe’s resounding victory, I’m still liking it almost every day at 5 o’clock.

Read more: https://www.fwweekly.com/2020/11/18/we-still-like-beer/
(Fort Worth Weekly)

[MyOwnPeace]

1. WOW!!

Had to check twice - hard to believe that came from Texas!
And quoting Associate Supreme Court Justice Brett Michael Kavanaugh, “I still like beer” - priceless!!!