Dumb Criminals: Man Attempts To Use Fake Penis To Pass Drug Test

[Initech]

(KMOV) – A Lake St. Louis man is accused of using a fake penis while submitting a urine sample as part of a probation drug test in St. Charles on March 20.

Sydney Levin, 34, was charged March 21 with possessing a forging instrument.

According to court documents, an officer spotted Levin using a prosthetic penis, known as a Whizzanator, to submit a fake urine sample during a mandatory drug test at the St. Charles Probation and Parole office in the 200 block of Compass Point Dr.

http://www.kmov.com/news/local/Police--200448931.html

[patricia92243]

1. I think what comes out of the penis determines if you pass a drug test. :)

[Curmudgeoness]

2. What was dumb about that?????

This is pretty common with people dealing with jobs where they are randomly drug tested.

[Initech]

3. He was trying to cheat on a court ordered test and got caught.

That's not dumb enough?

[Curmudgeoness]

4. I say this is common.

There are a lot of Whizzinators where I work.

But since I have never seen someone use one, I don't know if this guy was a dumb ass for using it wrong and getting caught, or if it is obvious if the test giver is looking close enough. ?????

[MADem]

5. Popular in the military, too, at least when I was still on acdu.

I imagine the poor clods stuck doing the urinalysis nowadays are trained on spotting the fakes.

[Curmudgeoness]

6. Now THAT would be a shitty job!

I mean, how close do you have to watch someone taking a piss to know the difference???? OMG, just shoot me!

[MADem]

7. Well, it's a pissy job, most certainly...

And no picnic for those with a "shy bladder" who aren't accustomed to weeing to an attentive audience!

The requirements are that the monitors "observe," and also ensure that the wee is warm to the touch when they take the jar and place the labels on it before it is sent for testing. There's a whole chain of custody requirement, too, so that a nefarious person can't adulterate the goods!

Back when they first started up that program, I was part of a wardroom that tested positive for opioids in what was termed a "unit sweep" (everyone gets tested)...yes, the entire wardroom, from the Commanding Officer to the newest ensign, tested positive. At least fifty of us! Turned out we'd all enjoyed the hot, buttery poppy seed buns that were provided at a mandatory dinner, and in the early days of the test, it wasn't too accurate. The poppy seeds did it!

[Curmudgeoness]

9. Oh my.

[NYC_SKP]

8. hmmmm

[Bigmack]

10. They have...

... models in different shades, to match the user.

"I'll take medium size in Hispanic, please."

[NYC_SKP]

11. I suspect that the man in the story may have selected the wrong skin tone....

something had to tip them off!