Man lights other man on fire "down there"

[UrbScotty]

One man made the song “Sex On Fire” a reality this week after finding his girlfriend cheating on him with another man. The Chicago Tribune reports that the man lit another man’s genitals on fire after catching him having sex with his girlfriend Monday afternoon in the Back of the Yards neighborhood. This is a case of illicit afternoon delight gone terribly wrong.

According to the police report obtained by the Trib, the boyfriend beat the 30-year-old until unconscious before starting to burn him while he was still knocked out. The report also included the following sinister line that can be a warning to those pondering if cheating on your significant other is worth it or not:

“This will be a lesson to you, I lit your (genitals) on fire.”

The man used a Bic lighter (set on “high” according to the police report) to do the deed. We have a hard enough time getting a Bic lighter to work in the first place to light a candle or smoke a cigarette, so to light someone’s crotch on fire seems like a pretty daunting and difficult task. The man with the literal balls of fire ran to a nearby laundromat where police found him applying Vaseline to his burned area in an attempt to “sooth the pain.” He was taken to a hospital and eventually transported to the burn unit at the University of Chicago Hospital. At the time, no one is in custody. We are surprised that no one is currently in custody since the smoking gun, er testicles, are pretty obvious in this scenario. We wish a speedy recovery to the victim and hope in the future all parties involved make better decisions in their love life. And maybe resort to a more rational way of dealing with anger than setting things (or people) on fire.

http://chicagoist.com/2013/11/13/man_lights_other_mans_genitals_on_f.php

[libodem]

1. Oh, ouch

What a sensitive part to have burns on. OMG. I can't even make a joke about it.

[Warren DeMontague]

2. Someone has been watching too much Pasolini.

Ick.

[MADem]

3. Great balls of fire!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry....couldn't resist....