Dumb Criminals: Guy Who Plays Christiain Anti Masturbation Mascot Arrested For... Wait For It...

[Initech]

Masturbating in public!

Phoenix, AZ — In an ironic twist of a fate, a mascot for a Christian anti-masturbation group was arrested Sunday for masturbating in public. The organization recently finished a federally funded 31-city nationwide school tour which it says focused on educating both children and parents about the dangerous consequences of masturbation.

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin, whose real name is 35-year-old Paul Horner, was arrested on Sunday at Metta Yoga in Phoenix after employees notified police about a man with no pants on peering through office windows.

Tom Downey with the Phoenix Police Department, who took Horner into custody, spoke with Arizona news station ABC 15 about the arrest. “We thought at first he was possibly intoxicated or mentally unstable, ya know, talking about children and how deadly it is for them to masturbate. Telling us he was in town with a Christian organization aimed at talking with children about the dangers of masturbation. Saying things like, ‘They need to stop playing on the Devil’s playground, stop pounding their Devil stick or ringing the Devil’s doorbell’,” Downey said. “Things got very odd when Horner broke down crying in the back of my cruiser and began making noises, kind of like a fish, saying that he believed himself to be an actual dolphin. It was really strange.”

- See more at: http://nationalreport.net/fappy-the-dolphin-arrested-for-public-masturbation/#sthash.bNbKn0Kz.dpuf

[Kaleva]

1. National Report is a satire site like the Onion.

Here's an example of what is "news' there:

"Have the Obamas Been Divorced for Over a Year?
Posted about 3 days ago

Rumors of Threesome Dalliance with Beyonce, Halle Berry, and the President Persist"
- See more at: http://nationalreport.net/obamas-divorced-year/#sthash.dRbhN1gD.dpuf

[MADem]

2. This isn't really news--it's more like HUMOR. nt

[Javaman]

3. Flappy. nt