Scientists Recommend Having Earth Put Down

[GliderGuider]

Scientists Recommend Having Earth Put Down

FORT COLLINS, CO—Claiming that it is the humane thing to do, and that the planet is “just going to suffer” if kept alive any longer, members of the world’s scientific community recommended today that Earth be put down.

“We realize this isn’t the easiest thing to hear, but we’ve run a number of tests and unfortunately there’s really nothing more we can do for Earth at this point,” said leading climatologist Dr. Robert Wyche of Colorado State University’s Department of Atmospheric Science. “Earth’s ecosystems have hung in there for a while, and you have to hand it to the old gal for staying alive this long, but at this point the chances of a recovery are, I’m sorry to say, incredibly unlikely. It might be time to say goodbye.”

While admitting that the prospect of saying goodbye to the terrestrial planet is very difficult, Wyche explained to reporters that letting nature take its course would only prolong the inevitable. Wyche also stressed that if Earth is not put down, humanity would ultimately be responsible for its continuing care, which would be “increasingly difficult as time goes on.”

Scientists reportedly also made several heartfelt assurances that the procedure would be quick and virtually painless.

[longship]

1. Call the Vogons!

Nota bene: the OP is from The Onion.

[gtar100]

2. I know of several major religions that take the perspective that the Earth is just

a very temporary stop along the way to some place called Heaven and therefore have absolutely no regard for the long term wellfare of this planet. They have completely separated people's consciousness from the very environment which sustains them. As much as they talk about morality, I believe that it's this sense of separation that leads to immorality and disregard for consequences. After all, why care if it's only temporary and you won't be around to deal with the fallout.

[Joe Shlabotnik]

3. yup, Capitalists are a seductive and dangerous cult. n/t

[hatrack]

4. Yes, this world is just Kleenex to be discarded. YOU - that's what's important!!!

Now, send us some more money and we'll go back to talking about YOU.

[The2ndWheel]

5. Why single out religion for that?

That's the same perspective of the resource concentration process we call civilization.