Atlantic Ocean Excited To Move Into Beautiful Beachfront Mansion Soon

[Ichingcarpenter]

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Admitting it has had its eye on the property for quite some time, the Atlantic Ocean confirmed Monday that it was looking forward to moving into a beautiful beachfront mansion in the near future.

“For the longest time it seemed like this place was completely out of reach for me, but I’ve come a long way in the past few years, and now it’s looking more and more like a real possibility,” said the body of water, which confided that, after having admired the building’s impressive exterior and grounds for so long, it was thrilled at the prospect of finally going inside and exploring all eight bedrooms and 7,500 square feet of living area.

“I’m not quite ready yet, but in a couple years or so, I can definitely see myself in there, making the place completely my own. And the little beachside community that the house is located in is just so cute, too—I can’t wait to go through and visit all the shops and restaurants.” The ocean noted, however, that it might make a few cosmetic changes to the mansion once it moves in, including gutting the lower floor and taking out a few walls.


http://www.theonion.com/article/atlantic-ocean-excited-move-beautiful-beachfront-m-51303

[Hortensis]

1. I shouldn't say it, but with that type moving in, there GOES the neighborhood.

BTW, before I realized this was The Onion -- LOVE The Onion! -- I was wondering why a sea wall wasn't being built to protect this expensive property from simple sea rise and looking for clues in the story.

Suggestion for anyone who'd still love to purchase (uninsurable) saltwater waterfront: Look for property in expensive neighborhoods, probably away from river mouths, or, for more limited incomes, areas likely to be sheltered by important naval/defense installations. Taxpayer dollars may not be mightier than the sea, but there are a whole lot of them to throw at it almost as inexorably.

[riversedge]

2. Yes, she is almost moved in. It is a great way to

make a point-with this kind of writing.

[countryjake]

3. The Pacific scoffs, "The Atlantic is just trying to keep up with the joneses"

The biggest Ocean admits that it prefers much smaller, comfortable homes, tho it can flip any massive McMansion as easily as it does the older snug beachfront cottages...

[Enthusiast]

6. Just erosion. Been going on for billions of years.

[Nihil]

4. Excellent! (n/t)

[Enthusiast]

5. I understand it's The Onion but K&R! This post deserves hundreds of recommendations!

[daleanime]

7. kick, kick, kick.....

I know its the Onion, but it still makes a great point.

[hatrack]

8. Bwa-hahhahhah!!!