Guilt And Grief Over Son’s Suicide Led Tyler Clementi’s Parents To Leave Church
Guilt And Grief Over Son’s Suicide Led Tyler Clementi’s Parents To Leave Church
Following the suicide of their son Tyler Clementi, his parents — particularly his mother, Jane — have struggled to deal with the inevitable guilt. In an interview with The New York Times, Jane and Joe Clementi share how their son’s death forced them to look at life and themselves differently and spurred Jane’s decision to leave her church.
“People talk about coming out of the closet — it’s parents coming out of the closet, too. I wasn’t really ready for that,” Mrs. Clementi admits. She was surprised at her son’s coming-out — having thought they had a “pretty open relationship” — and proceeded to question Tyler, who was only two days away from leaving for Rutgers.
Tyler later described the revelation to a friend via text, claiming that his mom “basically completely rejected” him.
“It did not change the fact that I loved my son,” Mrs. Clementi told the Times. “I did need to think about how that would fit into my thoughts on homosexuality.” She had no idea that Tyler felt rejected by her, however. Mrs. Clementi had long suspected Tyler’s brother James was gay and had spoken to Tyler about the fact. “Tyler knew we weren’t going to reject him or stop paying for college for him or not let him come home, because James had done all those things and we had a good relationship.”
Full story here: http://www.queerty.com/tyler-clementi-parents-church-20120827/#ixzz24lMfQdMH
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I always try to find the good in people, no matter who, and speak good of them or else say nothing.
The reason I find this difficult to talk about is that Tyler killed himself - probably due in some part to the homophobia of the religion to which they belonged.
The way in which religious homophobia has led so many gay people to hate themselves (and to experience depression and to also make attempts on their own lives) is not anything new or shocking. This is a fact that has long been recognized by not only anthropologists and sociologists, but in gay people's accounts of their own background and upbringing.
It's easy as an observer to say, 'well, I would have left that church long before this happened,' but in fact, we know many people do NOT leave, even gay people.
So I'm not sure what to think about the Clementi's or if I even want to say anything more. They have my condolences, of course.
On edit, I did want to say that I find her remark "Parents come out of the closet, too!" to be more than a little offensive. Because all that serves to do is to point the finger back at Tyler - for being honest with his parents. Just wow - what can one say about that. 
