The Rise of the Gay Feminist

[William769]

There isn't much wiggle room on the spectrum of masculinity when growing up in the sticks of East Texas. However, as I collect the childhood stories from other flowery men, I realize that my location made no difference. The John-Wayne-esque, knock-'em-out-while-grabbing-your-dick image of a man was a relentless standard enforced in classrooms, households and hunting grounds across the U.S. (save for a few ultraliberal hidey-holes scattered along the East and West Coasts). And even now that the LGBT population has amassed a healthy standing ground in mainstream society, we still trot out our brawniest and brusquest as our spokesmen.

The phrase "tomboy" was a common term when growing up in a neighborhood where riding illegal go-karts, lighting Black Cats and playing with BB guns was just a normal Tuesday. Girls were allowed to play in the mud, wear their brothers' clothes and be the first to throw a punch. Tomboys were accepted, even sometimes praised, by their fathers. Naturally, I assumed that my innately feminine slant to doing things was the opposite but equal side of the coin. I had yet to realize the gross weight disparity between the masculine and the feminine. There is a reason why there is no such thing as a "tomgirl."

I remember having a conversation with my father on the concrete slab that we called a patio, sitting in woven lawn chairs amongst the woods. I must have been 7, and the not-so-subtle femininity and awkward tendencies that made up my person were starting to come into focus. The neighborhood kids (and their parents) had started commenting on my feminine characteristics. Some were just casual remarks on my natural dancing ability; others were the beginnings of gay bashing from my peers and excoriating judgments from parents ("You should know that your son is quite girly&quot .

During that backyard conversation in the twilight, I simply addressed the apparent alarm over my girlish tendencies by saying that I was simply a "tomgirl." Satisfied with my explanation, I thought nothing more of it. Until that moment I had taken relish in my interests, as any child does, without noticing that my position on the masculinity meter was near the bottom. But as my father scoffed at my "tomgirl" identity and glared with disappointment in his whiskey eyes, I noticed just how low I was. With even the tomboys laughing from on high, the second-class status inherent in femininity rang loud and clear.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tyler-curry/the-rise-of-the-gay-feminist_b_2521145.html

I hate to admit that I hate to admit I can relate to this. What does that say about me?

[Zorra]

1. K&R ~ This is something that has always disturbed me:

"....I noticed just how low I was. With even the tomboys laughing from on high, the second-class status inherent in femininity rang loud and clear."

Women who fawningly buy into the myth of the superiority of the masculine are often their own worst enemy and don't even have a clue.

[MadrasT]

2. I really appreciate this article.

This part really stood out to me:

A man who possesses any vestige of the feminine understands exactly how these qualities are regarded. The masculine is associated with strength; therefore the feminine is weak. If a man is weak, he must possess female qualities. If a woman is strong, she has learned to adopt the masculine.

Thank you for posting.

[William769]

3. I did not know how it would be received in other areas of DU So I put it here.

Glad you like it.

[uriel1972]

4. It's part of the reason I've hidden my desire to be female for over 30 years

Kids can be vicious little so and so's sometimes even more so than adult bigots. The lessons I learned growing up "Female is bad/weak" and "Don't show weakness" has continued into my adult years. It's hard to put aside those lessons. Although I'm about to try... a little.